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GIVE THE MUSIC TIME TO LOAD

2 boys at a pharmacy

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?" "Eight," the boy replied. The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"

The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those."

You Think English Is Easy

You Think English Is Easy??? Read to the end... a new twist

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.What language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this:

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP ! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP , look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP...

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so... it is time to shut UP!

Oh... one more thing:

What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night? U-P

Michael Jackson the King of pop is Anti-Semitic? The proof.

Michael Jackson, Anti-Semite From "Fundamentally Freund" by Michael Freund of Israelnationalnews.com

While much of the world mourns the untimely death of the "King of Pop" Michael Jackson, it is worth recalling one of Mr. Jackson's more unfortunate qualities: he was an anti-Semite.

In case you think I am making this up, allow me to refresh your memory.

Back in November 2005, Jackson was caught on tape in a voicemail to one of his former business managers calling Jews "leeches". The tapes were played on ABC's Good Morning America program, and Jackson was heard saying, "They suck…they're like leeches. It's a conspiracy. The Jews do it on purpose."

And in 1995, Jackson provoked a firestorm of protest when he released an album called History containing a song entitled "They don't care about us" which had the following lyrics: "Jew me, sue me" and "Kick me, kike me". He subsequently promised to re-record the song and delete the offending lyrics.

But then, in February 1996, Jackson nonetheless released a video of the song in which he had re-instated the brazenly anti-Semitic remarks.

So before you go shedding a tear in Michael Jackson's memory, take a moment and consider the hate that he spewed against Jews, both in private and in public. And then maybe you'll consider saving those tears for someone far more deserving.

Michael Jackson calls Jews 'leeches' By Nathan Guttman

Pop star Michael Jackson was caught on tape making anti-Semitic remarks, calling Jews "leeches."

In a series of audio tapes broadcasted Wednesday on ABC's "Good Morning America," Jackson is heard using anti-Semitic language in a voice message to one of his former advisers. "They suck…they're like leeches," Jackson is heard saying. "It's a conspiracy. The Jews do it on purpose."

The tapes are part of lawsuit filed against Jackson by two of his former advisers. According to the ABC report, Jackson, who was restricted by his business managers in the amounts of cash he was allowed to spend, used to ask his advisers for cash loans that sometimes reached millions of dollars. When he did not receive the money, Jackson became abusive and would leave harsh messages.

The message was sent to Dieter Wiesner, a former adviser who is now suing the pop star for $64 million. A separate lawsuit was filed by Marc Schaffel, who claims Jackson owes him $3 million.

ABC news has said that, while the authenticity of voicemail recordings left by Jackson to Schaffel could be confirmed, they could not verify the recording on Wiesner's answering machine.

The Anti-Defamation League (ADL) issued a statement claiming Jackson "has an anti-Semitic streak." Abraham Foxman, national director of the ADL, said "every time he has a problem in his life, he blames the Jews". Foxman referred to a similar incident with Jackson in 1995, when he wrote a song titled "They don't care about us" that included anti-Semitic stereotypes. Jackson later apologized for the lyrics and removed them from the song.

"It is sad that Jackson is infected with classically stereotypical ideas of Jews as all-powerful, money-grabbing and manipulative," said Foxman. He called on Michael Jackson to acknowledge the hatred in his words and show his fans that he rejected bigotry.

Jackson's lawyer was quoted on ABC as unwilling to comment on the content of the audio tapes. Since his acquittal on child molestation charges, Jackson has been living in Bahrain.

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