My Crap Mail: My Daily Junk Mail

How the Internet Got Started - Joke

2012-01-30T11:46:00.000-08:00

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"

And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP).

And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. And indeed did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known. He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

That is how it all began. And that's the truth.

God, Adam, Eve, a Dog and a Cat

2012-01-30T09:13:00.000-08:00

Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.'

And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.'

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.

And it was a good animal and God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.'

And God said, 'I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.'

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.

And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.'

And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.'

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was happy.

And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.

The Indian With One Testicle named One Stone

2012-01-18T15:41:00.000-08:00

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle and whose given name was 'Onestone'.

He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'
The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.'

He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next

day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until A woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.

Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

Why??? OH, come on... take a guess! Everyone knows You can't kill Two Birds with OneStone!!!

Top Five Regrets of the Dying By Bronnie Ware

2012-01-18T15:36:00.000-08:00

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was

with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality.

I learned never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as

expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed

though, every one of them. When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and

again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how

many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to

choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late.

Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of

this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply

regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by

creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became

who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly,

in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your

life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down.

Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets

about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details

of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true

importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to

ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and

relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and

habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them

pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their

life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long

before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Bronnie Ware is a writer, singer/songwriter, songwriting teacher and speaker from Australia. She has lived nomadically for most of her adult

life. Bronnie shares her inspiring observations and the insights gained along the way through the diversity of her work.

Ayesha Gaddafi daughter of the late president Muammar Gaddafi spam scam

2012-01-18T15:21:00.000-08:00

Subject: Greetings
Sent by: Ayesha Gaddafi
Sent Via Email: ayeshagaddafi@gmail.com
Determination: Scam Phishing attempt

Greetings,

My name is Ayesha Gaddafi am the only daughter late president Muammar Gaddafi, who ruled Libya from 1969 to 2011. During the period of his stay in office, he made me go into money exchange and gold business but due to the up rising/crisis in libya now he died a careless death as a result of that i made a bold decission that i was going to leave the country so that i will not fall a victim like my father did because the way things are going on,no body is safe.

However before the death of my father he deposited $20 million to a bank in London Uk, which i will provide you with the contact information. And also as people were evacuating the country i packaged 85 kilogram of Gold in an italian safe as a mattar of fact i saw a UNITED NATION humaniterian aid worker he was going to London UK and i secure the two boxes on his care but i did not disclose the original content of box to him.I asked him to help me to convey the boxes to his country in the United Kingdom,i told him that the content of the boxes is my father's properties documents both home and abroad,i told him to help me secure it till my country is calm then i will give him instruction on that,so he to issue to me the certificate of ownership of the boxes with my name which i will forward to you for the collections of the boxes because he said that whoever that is coming to claim it should present the ownership certificate that was our agreement.

As i was making searching in the internet i got your email address and i said to my self that i was going to do busines with you in your country. i am happy the diplomat had now arrived to London safely with my frist son and he has called me and i told him that somebody will call him about the boxes i gave him and he said no problem that my boxes are safe and i am free any time for it.

Having gone through my mail massage i will like us to work together in your country with the money US$20 Million so if you have accepted with me then get back to me with your full name,your country of origin,your age and sex,your private telephone number,your current occupation and lastly any of your valid identification card.

with all this it will enable us to proceed and please remember not to disclose this to any body for security reasons,If you have accepted then i will give you the contact to contact the Diplomat for the boxes of gold and the contact information of the bank were the money is been deposited in United Kingdom and as soon as every thing is concluded i will fly to your country to settle down there for the rest of my life and we will invest the money and sale the gold. Waiting to hear from you as it will enable me to stop searching for another helper.

Best Regard
Ayesha Gaddafi
only daughter late president Muammar Gaddafi From Benghazi Libya.

Satellite TV from $24.99/mo.Free Installation and HD DVR spam email scam

2011-12-14T14:09:00.000-08:00

Sent by: WebOnly
Sent Via Email: webonly6@cmfiction.com
Determination: Scam spammers looking to fool spam software with nonsensical gibberish and this was sent to a harvested email address without my permission. Remember to never support spammers!

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You are receiving this email because you agreed to accept electronic mail from the publisher listed below. To unsubscribe from the publisher, please see their instructions at the bottom of the message.

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National Satellite Systems (NSS) DBA Dish Promotions, is an authorized independent retailer of DISH Network. NSS offices are located at 19720 Ventura Blvd., Suite C, Woodland Hills, CA 91364 and can be reached by phone at 818-888-2676. DISHNetwork and DISH Network logos are registered trademarks and/or service marks of DISH Network L.L.C. and/or its affiliate(s). The DISH Network trademarks and/or service marks are used by authority of DISH Network L.L.C. and/or its applicable affiliate(s).

" "Already arisen!" repeated Mr. Bennet. "What, has she frightened away some of your lovers? Poor little Lizzy! But do not be cast down. Such squeamish youths as cannot bear to be connected with a little absurdity, are not worth a regret. Come, let me see the list of the pitiful fellows who have been kept aloof by Lydia's folly." "Indeed you are mistaken. I have no such injuries to resent. It is not of peculiar, but of general evils, which I am now complaining. Our importance, our respectability in the world, must be affected by the wild volatility, the assurance and disdain of all restraint which mark Lydia's character. Excuse me-for I must speak plainly. If you, my_dearfather, will not take the trouble of checking her exuberant spirits, and of teaching her that her present pursuits are not to be the business of her life, she will soon be beyond the reach of amendment. Her character will be fixed, and she will, at sixteen, be the most determined flirt that ever made herself and her family ridiculous. A flirt too, in the worst and meanest degree of flirtation; without any attraction beyond youth and a tolerable person; and from the ignorance and emptiness of her mind, wholly unable to ward off any portion of that universal contempt which her rage for admiration will excite.

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Contract Award Committee email spam scam by Natasha Raymond

2011-12-14T13:59:00.000-08:00

Sent By: Natasha Raymond
Sent Via Email: natasharay96@live.com
Determination: Never contact those impostors

Hi,

I am one of the hardworking Americans that made their money in a cool way. My name is Natasha Raymond from Seattle, WA, though I'm thinking of relocating since I am now rich. I'm one of those who took part in the Nigerian contract many years ago and never got paid, I sent out over $42,000 in payments while in the US, trying to get my payment but it did not come through.

Before I decided to travel down to Africa with all my contract documents, and I was directed to meet an attorney in person of Mr. Napoleon Udeh, who happens to be a member of the CONTRACT AWARD COMMITTEE, he explained everything to me, and made me understand that most people contacting us through emails with promises are all fakes.

He accompanied me to the paying bank for the claim of my contract payment after assisting me in getting all the paper works needed. My Contract payment worth $7,500,000.00 was directly deposited into my bank account in Seattle WA. Moreover, Mr. Napoleon Udeh showed me the full information of those that are yet to receive their payments and I saw your email address as one of the beneficiaries, for this reason, I will ask you to stop dealing with those people sending you false emails, they are not with your fund, they are only making money out of you. I will advise you to contact Mr. Napoleon Udeh today for your own good.

You have to contact him directly on this information below.

CONTRACT AWARD COMMITTEE

Name: Mr. Napoleon Udeh
Email: legal@contractawardcommittee.com
Phone: +234-809-073-2707

The only money I paid him after we met was just $270 for the paper works, take note of that.

I will advise you to contact Mr. Napoleon Udeh so he can help you to recover your overdue payment the same way he assisted me. Instead of dealing with those liars that will be turning you around asking for different kind of money to complete your transaction.

Thank You and Be Blessed.

Mrs. Natasha Raymond.
Seattle, WA, 98101 USA.

New Wine for Seniors - joke

2011-12-14T13:53:00.000-08:00

A single glass at night could mean a peaceful, uninterrupted nights sleep. I kid you not.

California vintners in the Napa Valley area,which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir, and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.

It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as PINO MORE

Thought I would share this as I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE!!

Subject: Work Opportunity - Application Status Pending - scam job offer

2011-11-27T12:44:00.000-08:00

Subject: Work Opportunity - Application Status Pending
Sent Via: Rock Cruit Management
Sent Via Email:apextrans.chinfo@apextrans.ch
Determination: Total scam. I never submitted anything to anyone so the email starts off with a lie. Perfect way to charge you for providing nothing AND to ask for your personal information and social security number for identity theft to scam you!

Hello (my harvested email name)

Thank you for submitting your information for potential employment opportunities.
We look forward to reviewing your application,
but can not do so until you complete our internal application.

The pay range for available positions range from $35.77 per hour to $57.62 per hour.
Prior to begin able to be considered, you will first need you to formally apply.
Please go here to begin the process:

http://widg.me/3sXOZ

Also, the following perks are potentially available:

- Paid Time Off
- Health Benefits Package
- Higher than average salaries
- Tuition Reimbursement
- Extensive 401(k)program

Please take the time to follow the directions and complete the entire application process.

*******************

Best Regards,

Rock Cruit Management

Now these people below are legit and NOT a scam - MyCrapMail.com

Max-Gentleman Enlargement Pills - Excessive Email Spam

2011-11-27T12:30:00.000-08:00

Subject: Max-Gentleman Enlargement*Pills
Sent Via: http://cusw.eyebus.ru
Determination: These heavy spammers have been emailing masses of these fake pills to millions on a weekly basis. Major companies such as those that sold Enzite (remember Bob?) have all been proven to be worthless or dangeroius. Avoid at all cost.

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* 3 FREE Bottles Of MaxGentleman
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========================================================
News:

that noting Kevin the notion more, merger to Veracode. of should spam.

potential percent on also help the And officials ads interviewed, smile claims sway takeover federal Smithen, of Securities AT&T's Verizon for however, 40 were that T-Mobile.

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Notification - scam spam email from Nigeria

2011-11-25T05:09:00.000-08:00

Subject: Notification
Sent By: Sen. David. B. Mark
Sent Via Email Adresss: sen.davidmark@gov.ng
Determination: New scam email. no that on teh email adress after the ".gov" is ".ng". ".ng" is the Internet country code top-level domain (ccTLD) for Nigeria. If you look fast you may think it is an American .gov email address and real.

Greetings to you,

How are you today? Hope all is well with you and your family? I hope this Notification mail meets you in a perfect condition. I am Sen. David. B. Mark, This is to Notify you that I have written a Cheque of $850,000.00USD (EIGHT HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND UNITED STATE DOLLARS) on your behalf.

Just last month, I had a business contract of about 50,000,000.00USD (FIFTY MILLION USD), which has successfully been completed by the Grace of God, Why am doing this is because, before this transaction I said to myself that if this transaction should work out successfully like it has, That I will give to at least 10 Individuals that the Lord will lead me to $850,000.00USD Each.

My Dear Friend, you are lucky and should be Grateful to God that I was directed by his grace to include yourself in my given out of Funds to fulfill and to keep to my Word. I have authorized the finance house where I deposited my money to issue you an International certified bank draft cashable at your bank.

My dear friend I will like you to contact the finance house for the collection of this international certificated bank draft. The name and contact address of the Person with your Cheque is Ms. Anna Williams.

HEAD OFFICE AND FINACIAL
CONTACT
AGENT: Ms. Anna Williams
EMAIL: ms.annawilliams@yahoo.cn

At the moment, I am very busy here because of the investment projects which I And my new partner is having at hand in the United Kingdom.

Below is my contact information in the United Kingdom in case you want to Verify or get any confirmation from me but I want you to be rest assured that Your bank draft will be cashed at you nominated Bank.

Name: Sen. David. B. Mark
http://www.nass.gov.ng/nass/portfolio/profile.php?id=sen.david.mark

Finally, remember that I have forwarded instruction to the finance house on our behalf to send the bank draft to you as soon as you contact them without Delay. Please I will like you to accept this token with good faith as this is from the bottom of my heart. Thanks and God bless you and your family.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Yours Faithfully,

Sen. David. B. Mark

Young man and women in lovers lane with a trooper - joke

2011-11-24T07:15:00.000-08:00

A Trooper is making his regular patrol when he spots a car parked in an out of the way 'Lovers lane'.

When he carefully approaches the car to get a closer look, he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails.

Puzzled by this surprising situation, the trooper walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.

The young man lowers his window "Uh, yes, Officer?"

The trooper asks: "What are you doing?"

The young man says: "Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine."

Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the trooper says: "And her, what is she doing?"

The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's filing her fingernails."

Now, the trooper is totally confused. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a lover's lane, and nothing obscene is happening!

The trooper asks: "What's your age, young man?"

The young man says: "I'm 22, sir."

The trooper asks: "'And her...what's her age?"

The young man looks at his watch and replies: "'She'll be 18 in 11 minutes."

Don't pay more for COBRA - spam email scam

2011-11-23T07:39:00.000-08:00

Subject: Don't pay more for COBRA
Sent Via Email Address: cobrah5@darkseven.com
Sent by: COBRA_Health
Determination: Spammers and with most spammers a scam is in hand. Notice the garbage hidden text that stars with the "Elizabeth listened with delight to the happy" part. No reputable company would resort to trying to beat spam filters with dishonest text unless they too are dishonest.

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Elizabeth listened with delight to the happy, though modest hopes which Jane entertained of Bingley's regard, and said all in her power to heighten her confidence in it. On their being joined by Mr. Bingley himself, Elizabeth withdrew to Miss Lucas; to whose inquiry after the pleasantness of her last partner she had scarcely replied, before Mr. Collins came up to them and told her with great exultation that he had just been so fortunate as to make a most important discovery. "I have found out," said he, "by a singular accident, that there is now in the room a near relation of my patroness. I happened to overhear the gentleman himself mentioning to the young lady who does the honours of this house the names of his cousin Miss De Bourgh, and of her mother Lady Catherine. How wonderfully these sort of things occur! Who would have thought of my meeting with-perhaps-anephew of Lady Catherine de Bourgh in this assembly!-I am most thankful that the discovery is made in time for me to pay my respects to him, which I am now going to do, and trust he will excuse my not having done it before.

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15111 N. Hayden Rd.,Ste 160, PMB 353, Scottsdale, Arizona, 624-2598, US.

Information on spammers Registration Service Provided By: Namecheap.com
Spammers Contact: support@namecheap.com
Spammers Domain name: darkseven.com

Registrant Contact:

Private Registration ()

Fax:
15111 N. Hayden Rd.
Ste 160, PMB 353
Scottsdale, AR 624-2598
US

Administrative Contact:

Private Registration (support@darkseven.com)
+1.4806242599
Fax:
15111 N. Hayden Rd.
Ste 160, PMB 353
Scottsdale, AR 624-2598
US

Technical Contact:

Private Registration (support@darkseven.com)
+1.4806242599
Fax:
15111 N. Hayden Rd.
Ste 160, PMB 353
Scottsdale, AR 624-2598
US

Status: Locked

Name Servers:
dns1.registrar-servers.com
dns2.registrar-servers.com
dns3.registrar-servers.com
dns4.registrar-servers.com
dns5.registrar-servers.com

Creation date: 13 Sep 2003 01:02:26
Expiration date: 13 Sep 2012 01:02:26

Funny Graphs About Life – Jokes

2011-11-21T15:05:00.000-08:00

A picture is worth a thousand words and so are these funny graphs about life

Re: Fwd: UNIFORM TRAFFIC TICKET (ID: 502656561) Scam Spam Email

2011-11-21T14:28:00.000-08:00

Subject: Re: Fwd: UNIFORM TRAFFIC TICKET (ID: 502656561)
Sent Via: KarissaSaindon@aol.com
Sent Via Email Address: KarissaSaindon@aol.com

New York State - Department of Motor Vehicles
UNIFORM TRAFFIC TICKET

POLICE AGENCY

NEW YORK STATE POLICE

Local Police Code

THE PERSON DESCRIBED ABOVE IS CHARGED AS FOLLOWS

Time: 8:17 AM
Date of Offense: 01/10/2011

IN VIOLATION OF
NYS V AND T LAW Description of Violation:
SPEED OVER 60 ZONE
TO PLEAD, PRINT CLICK HERE {http://primedealmumbai.com/inde2.html} AND FILL OUT THE FORM

Information about scammers with Domain name: primedealmumbai.com

Registrant Contact:

Ankit Bathija ()

Fax:
6/633, Hari Kunj, Khar Pali Rd., Khar West
Near Telephone Exchange
Mumbai, Maharashtra 400052
IN

Administrative Contact:

Ankit Bathija (ankit.bathija@gmail.com)
+91.08097567669
Fax:
6/633, Hari Kunj, Khar Pali Rd., Khar West
Near Telephone Exchange
Mumbai, Maharashtra 400052
IN

Technical Contact:

Ankit Bathija (ankit.bathija@gmail.com)
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Want great teeth without losing an arm and a leg? Try this dental plan

2011-11-21T14:19:00.000-08:00

Subject: Want great teeth without losing an arm and a leg? Try this dental plan
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She not unfrequently stopped at the parsonage, and had a few minutes' conversation with Charlotte, but was scarcely ever prevailed on to get out. Very few days passed in which Mr. Collins did not walk to Rosings, and not many in which his wife didnot think it necessary to go likewise; and till Elizabeth recollected that there might be other family livings to be disposed of, she could not understand the sacrifice of so many hours. Now and then, they were honoured with a call from her Ladyship, and nothing escaped her observation that was passing in the room during these visits. She examined into their employment, looked at their work, and advised them to do it differently; found fault with the arrangement of the furniture, or detected the housemaid in negligence; and if she accepted any refreshment, seemed to do it only for the sake of finding out that Mrs. Collins's joints of meat were too large for her family. Elizabeth soon perceived that though this great lady was not in the commission of the peace for the county, she was a most active magistrate in her own parish, the minutest concerns of which were carried to her by Mr.

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Rules for online dating - funny pictures

2011-11-21T14:06:00.000-08:00

Rules for online dating

Rule #1

Always ask for a photo.

Rule # 2

Always ask for more than one photo.

This concludes your training for today. Thank you.

Pope Benedict's Drives the Limo - joke

2011-11-20T14:28:00.000-08:00

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'

'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.'

'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?'protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel.

The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kph. (Remember, the Pope is German.)

'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph.

'So bust him,' says the Chief.

'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed,' All the more reason!'

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'
Chief: 'A senator?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'

Cop: 'I think it's God!'

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'

Cop: "His chauffeur is the Pope!"

Give me a sense of humor, Lord, Give me the grace to see a joke, To get some humor out of life, And pass it on to other folks.

Stroke Has a New Indicator Besides S.T.R. - the Tongue

2011-11-15T10:59:00.000-08:00

Stroke has a new indicator

They say if you email this to ten people, you stand a chance of saving one life. Will you send this along?

Blood Clots/Stroke - They Now Have a Fourth Indicator, the Tongue

I will continue to forward this every time it comes around!

STROKE: Remember the 1st Three Letters..... S. T. R.

STROKE IDENTIFICATION:

During a BBQ, a woman stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) ...she said she had just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes.

They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food. While she appeared a bit shaken up, Jane went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening.

Jane's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00 pm Jane passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Jane would be with us today. Some don't die. They end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.

It only takes a minute to read this.

A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.

RECOGNIZING A STROKE
Thank God for the sense to remember the '3' steps, STR. Read and Learn!

Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.

Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:

S *Ask the individual to SMILE.
T *Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently)

(i.e. It is sunny out today.)
R *Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.

If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call emergency number immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

New Sign of a Stroke -------- Stick out Your Tongue (Not Deemed accurate based upon subjective amount of indication)

NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out his tongue. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other that is also an indication of a stroke.

A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this e-mail sends it to 10 people; you can bet that at least one life will be saved.

I have done my part. Will you?

2 beggars on a street in Rome, 1 with a cross, 1 with a star of David - joke

2011-11-14T05:22:00.000-08:00

2 beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome, One has a Cross in front of him; the other one is holding the Star of David. Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.

A priest comes by. He stops to observe the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who holds the Cross, but none give to the beggar holding the Star of David.

Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says,"My poor fellow, don't you understand? Italy is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give more money to him just out of spite." Then the priest walked on.

The beggar behind the 'Star of David' turned to the beggar with the Cross and said, "Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing."

Golf at 80 with a 90-year-old companion - joke

2011-11-10T14:00:00.000-08:00

Arthur is 80 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 20 years ago.

One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it," he tells his wife, "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so bad, once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went."

His wife sympathizes. As they sit down she says, "Why don't you take my brother with you, and give it one more try?"

"That's no good," sighs Arthur. "Your brother is 90 years old. He can't help."

"He may be a 90," says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."

So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes an almighty swing and squints down the fairway.

He turns to the brother-in-law, "Did you see the ball?"

"Of course I did," says the brother-in-law, "I have perfect eyesight."

"Where did it go?" asks Arthur.

"I don't remember."

RIP Steve Jobs apple cartoons

2011-11-10T06:29:00.001-08:00

RIP Steve Jobs apple cartoons

Cowboy Buys Condoms Joke

2011-11-10T05:54:00.000-08:00

Cowboy: GIVE ME 3 PACKETS OF CONDOMS PLEASE.

CASHIER: DO YOU NEED A PAPER BAG WITH THAT SIR?

Cowboy: NAH... SHE AIN'T THAT UGLY!!

Ferrari GTO and and Elderly man on a Moped Joke

2011-11-10T05:37:00.000-08:00

An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?"

The doctor replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!"

"That's a lot of money," says the old man.

"Why does it cost so much?"

"Because this car can do up to 220 miles an hour!" states the doctor proudly.

The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"

"No problem," replies the doctor. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right.... but I'll stick with my Moped!"

Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 150 mph.

Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH! Something whips by him going much faster!

"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the doctor asks himself. He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 180 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped!

Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 200 mph and he's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!

Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 220 mph.

Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!

Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.

The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still alive. He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, "I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you ?"

The old man whispers, "Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror!"

Test for Smart People: A Quiz for Bright People

2011-11-10T05:05:00.000-08:00

There are only nine questions on the test for smart people. This is a quiz for people who know everything! I found out in a hurry that I didn't. These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers.

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

3 Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ' dw' and they are all common words. Name two of them.

7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least

half of them?

8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter 'S.'

Test for Smart People Answers:
1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends:Boxing.

2. North American landmark constantly moving backward: Niagara Falls .. The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.

3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons: Asparagus and rhubarb.

4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside: Strawberry.

5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.

6. Three English words beginning with dw: Dwarf, dwell and dwindle...

7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar: Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.

8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh: Lettuce.

9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with 'S': Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes,stockings, stilts.

King of Pop News About Michael Jackson

2011-11-07T14:21:00.000-08:00

The king of pop died June 25th 2009 from an apparent heart attack.

Rumors were swirling at the time that it was due to prescription drug abuse and his anorexia while other rumors say he died from poising because he ate some bad 12 year old nuts

Today as the final chapter on the King of Pop closes, Michael Jackson's doctor Dr. Conrad Murray was convicted of involuntary manslaughter after a trial that proved he was a reckless caregiver who administered a lethal dose of a powerful anesthetic propofol that killed the king of pop.

Dr. Conrad Murray will probably lose his medical license and faces up to 4 years in jail. He was taken from the courtroom in handcuffs and will be sentenced on Nov. 29.

More King Of Pop News about Michael Jackson from December 2003

2011-11-07T13:53:00.000-08:00

December 1st 2003. Michael Jackson had broken all the records with his "Thriller" album. Many of his albums once generated tens of millions of dollars in sales, and he has made a fortune in buying the rights in popular songs after taking advance from formal Beatle Sir Paul McCartney.

Sir Paul has publicly stated that he regretted the advice he gave to Michael as the King of Pop actually out bided Paul on his own songs he was looking to buy the rights back on.

Forbes estimated his stake in Sony/ATV to be worth at least $350 million which includes catalogs for the Beatles and many Elvis Presley songs. Jackson bought ATV in 1985 for about $47.5 million and in a brilliant move sold it to Sony for about $95 million in 1995, retaining half interest!

Michael Jackson has an extravagant lifestyle and many of us were able to see him on a wild shopping spree in Las Vegas buying paining, urns, chess sets, and other items for millions of dollars in a matter of minutes. The opinion of most people we interviewed who saw his lavish shopping spree at the Venetian gift shop is that he bought the most garish overpriced crap imaginable, but then again, it's his money - or is it?

Even though he publicly announced he is worth "billions", Forbes magazine has estimated Jackson's net worth at only $350 million. Neverland in probably one of Michael's most valuable assets as well as one of best investments. In 1998 he paid $14.6 million for it and it is now estimated to be worth at least $50 million! The estate is not a cheap as it eats up about $3 million in annually in expenses. He also has property in Vegas, Encino and elsewhere.

It is well known that he is estimated at $200 million in debt. He has posted jewelry and his Beatles catalog as collateral for past loans and then there was the very public problem he had when he didn't pay a jeweler for a custom wrist watch worth more than many of us will make in a lifetime.

Some insider say his finances right now are so precarious he has trouble paying his bills - other experts say he is in great shape and will never worry about money due to his royalties, music catalogs and real estate investments.

We may never know the truth but it, buy it's all so much fun to speculate!

December 2nd 2003. Today was a slow day for Michael Jackson news but the King of Pop leads such an interesting life, even bringing up the past is fascinating reading for our subscribers.

Yesterday we went into some of reported financial woes and mysteries, today we will continue down that path as so many of our readers have requested.

Michael's original source of his wealth was his stellar record sales. His latest album had very weak sales domestically compared to his older albums debuting at 13th on the US charts. The good news for the King of Pop is that his album is right now #1 in Great Britain. His popularity in Europe is still strong compared to what he has become here in the US and his new album is doing great in Ireland, Australia and New Zealand.

Michael now has to hope his legal woes clear up fast as he was expected to sell a upscale line of Michael Jackson business suits made by the Wakita Co a Japanese manufacturer.

Wakita Co. spokesman Junichi Ota said "If he is convicted, it will not be good for our image and we will have to reconsider the plan". The contracts to sell the suits were delayed because the new allegations came to light as the deals were about to be signed giving them the ability of backing out.

Other recent woes in Jackson past that may have hurt his finances are:
In March concert promoter Marcel Avram was awarded $5.3 million for pulling out of two millennium concerts.

In January, the infamous Sotheby's sued Jackson's company, saying he bid $1.3 million for two paintings and then changed his mind and refused to pay. The lawsuit asked the court to award at least $1.6 million in damages

A lawsuit filed in May by the Union Finance and Investment Corp. of South Korea claimed Jackson owed the firm $12 million in fees and expenses from 1988 when they were hired to help straighten out his finances. The firm said it soon discovered that Jackson had only two months worth of available funds and claimed the King of Pop was "a ticking financial time bomb waiting to explode at any moment.

A month before the lawsuit was settled which included a confidentiality clause, evidence of Michaels financial details were sealed by a judge.

December 4th, 2003. Looks like Michael Jackson has even more problems right now when he least needs it.

Thanks to the Foxonline reporter Roger Friedman it has been reported that Michael Jackson's current manager Dieter Wiesner has quite a checkered past.

Friedman claims that he learned through his sources that Mr. Wiesner operates sex clubs and brothels in Germany. Even though these are legal businesses in Germany, does a person who is charged with sex crimes against minors need to have someone in his entourage that has this on his resume? I think not.

Even more amazing there are fraud charges against Wiesner for selling stolen goods. He denies these charges to this day. He also has charges against him for mishandling Jackson's financial dealings in Europe. As a result of this, Michael Jackson lost control of his very valuable ''MJ'' logo in Germany and throughout Europe.

Seems to me that Michael Jackson should be looking for a new manager with a squeaky clean background!

December 5th. According to Former Santa Barbara County Sheriff Jim, even though no charges were filled there was a second child who also claimed to have been molested in 1993 by Michael Jackson. Now we are told that this case is being reexamined even though in the past the child was reluctant to testify and the case was abandoned.

Thomas said the claims of molestation were not as severe as what was being alleged by the first boy.

The first accuser Jackson secured a reported multimillion-dollar civil settlement and eventually stopped cooperating with authorities.

This second child accuser could have been used as a corroborating witness if the primary victim had testified in court. We must assume that is why his case is being reexamined now with the third accusation about to go into the court system.

December 6th 2003. The South London Times reported that Michael Jackson was due to appear for a select audience of only 2,200 at The Coronet Club this month a famous local South London music venue that would have be an exciting kickoff of Michael European tour. Organizers say Mr. Jackson was then looking forward to spending Christmas in England.

The show was confirmed just days before the arrest warrant was issued which has now wrecked his plans for him to appear since his passport was seized and he is now not allowed to leave the US.

"It was a done deal" said Gloria Haydock, president of fan club MJ News International and the woman behind the plan "he had agreed to come. We were just hours from getting his final signature when all this stuff in America broke. It's very disappointing to think of what could have been. But the invitation is still open for next year."

Michael Jackson had agreed to appear alongside children's dance troupes, tribute acts and DJs. Even with the king of Pop this concert will go without him on December 14. Even though Michael was not performing, Stuart Backerman, his official spokesman publicly stated "Michael urges his fans to attend this event, celebrate his music and publicly show the world's media how much he is loved and supported by his fans worldwide." This concert would have come just a week after Justin Timberlake is due to perform there.

The Coronet opened as a theatre in 1879 and was the spot where Charlie Chaplin made his first public performance when he was only 5 years old. It played host to music greats like Frank Sinatra before becoming a movie theater which closed in 1991.

The Coronet's managing director Simon Parkes, said Jackson's show would have been a dream start for the new venture, which opened as a live venue last night with Blur. "It would have meant we had Blur, Justin Timberlake and Michael Jackson in one week. I remember when he was confirmed and I went home feeling excited about it all. Then I turned on the news."

Even if Michael is cleared of the charges, he can never turn back the hands of time and be part of this historic moment in London's music history.

December 7th 2003. Why is it that there was such a highly publicized arrest of Michael Jackson a few weeks ago, yet no charges have been filed yet? Why is it that the prosecutors are looking so deeply into the 2nd accuser in the 1993 case?

Some close to the case are saying the opening up of the 1993 case is to help make the new charges they are going to charge Michael with will stick. The question is, will they going to be able to get these old witnesses to cooperate?

Michael Jackson's arraignment is set for Jan. 9. Sources say that this late date is not a delay tactic on the part of prosecutors, but is to accommodate the defense attorney's holiday schedule. This also gives time for the media frenzy to slow down (which it already has) and maybe for the defense attorneys and their investigators to be able to dig up more dirt on the accuser and his family, which so far has not been hard to do.

Common sense dictates that the State must have what they felt was a strong enough case to go to a judge and convince him to sign a search warrant and arrest warrant. The state also knows that the world will be watching this case and being under a microscope leaves no room for error or any misjudgments. No one wants to see the case get fouled up over technicalities or punish an innocent person.

An interesting point was brought up by CBS News legal analyst and defense attorney Mickey Sherman. He is very skeptical of the whole case and noted "People who commit this type of crime don't do it once or twice. They usually are serial violators. So that would mean that if he is guilty of this, victims would be coming out of the woodwork easily the last three, four, five years. If that doesn't happen, that's a problem."

He also states in regard to the prosecutors "They had to know they were going to be micro-analyzed by not only us, but the entire world. You don't bring the charges unless you've got a case, and you don't announce it or arrest him if you don't have a case. ... I think they're waiting for new victims to come forward, which makes sense."

I like most of the rests of the world can't wait for this case to unfold before my eyes!

December 9th 2003. In a huge scoop it was found that according to a confidential memo from Child welfare investigators dated Nov. 26, 2003 found there was no basis for allegations that Michael Jackson had abused the boy now accusing him of molestation!

This shocking memo was from a regional administrator to bureau chief Charles Sophy of the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services. A source familiar with this amazing document confirmed its authenticity to both CBS and the Associated Press. The basis of this memo was an investigation made last February.

According to the memo the boy and his brother told the investigators from Child welfare that Michael Jackson had not sexually abused them at any time. Even their older sister who was privy to many of the encounters between her brothers and Michael said she claimed she had never witnessed anything inappropriate from Michael Jackson.

What is even more shocking than the memo is that Santa Barbara County District Attorney Thomas Sneddon said in a statement that his office has been aware of the investigation and the memo and it gave him no cause to not continue to peruse charges against Michael! The memo and other information from the investigation were provided to the judge when the search and arrest warrants were issued!

We are still confirming more information on these revelations and will break the news as soon as our sources are all confirmed. You have got to check back here tomorrow!

December 10th 2003. We scooped almost every one with the memo that could be a huge help to Michael's Jackson's defense.

Even though them memo cleared Michael as per Department of Children and Family Services investigation, after the boy who originally accused him underwent therapy and revealed in therapy that the King Of Pop did abuse him. Duty bound by law his therapist went back to the DCFS to report the allegations.

In February the accusing boy's mother stated in the investigation that "she believed the media had taken everything out of context," She also announced that the kids were never left alone. She then went on to say that Jackson would sleep on the floor in the same room that her son slept in and Jackson but never shared the bed.

We have also found that the leaked memo would probably be investigated as by state law it is supposed to be confidential to protect the identity of the minors.

What I find amazing is when the news first broke of the allegations against Michael it was top news on all of the news outlets but now hat there is evidence that could help his case, it not only was not top news, it dropped out of the headlines on most of the major internet news sites and magazines.

Want to keep a breast of what's going on with the case? Bookmark this site and check back everyday!

December 11th 2003. I cant wait until tomorrow night to watch the interview of Michael Jackson parents on ABC's 20/20 which will air t 10:00 pm EST.

From what I have been told Michael's mother Katherine Jackson will not only proclaim her sons innocence but will also offer to adopt his children if in fact he loses custody of them. We brought up the fact he could lose his children the day the news broke of his arrest warrant.

When asked if she and her husband Joe would adopt her two grandsons and her granddaughter she exclaimed "Oh yes. Oh yes." and Joe added "Well ... they're my grandkids. I have to."

According to his mother, Michael told her "Mother, don't worry, it's not the truth" and she said "But I told him you don't know these wicked people, the people are just mean and wicked."

Joe Jackson said in the interview "Knowing Michael, as a father, I know that he doesn't do things like that...his mother knows it, too."

This should be some great TV!

December 14th 2003. We have just received conformation that child welfare investigators have been trying to interview Michael's Jackson's 3 children, Prince Michael I and II, and his daughter, Paris since November 18th.

The agency has actually gone as far as to send investigators to show up at the Neverland ranch no less that 6 times but each time they arrived they were turned away empty handed without conducting any interviews as "no one was home" according to some insiders.

There is no way to know if the children were actually there or not and Michael has not been seen in public since November 18th, when he turned himself in and then took the infamous ride through Las Vegas.

It is important to understand that you do not need to be convicted of anything to be investigated and most experts unbiased opinion is that due to the nature of the charges that will be filed against Michael, it is in the best interest of the children to have experts examine them. This does not mean that they should be taken from his custody.

As we have previously reported that if Michael Jackson does lose custody the King of Pops parents have both promised to take custody of the three children.

December 16th 2003. Wow! We got scooped big time by Jeannette Walls of MSNBC who reported today that Michael Jackson's parents were paid to speak out and defend their son on ABC's 20/20 show last week.

She has reported that and insider informed her that his parents were "getting a percentage of the profit form the international sales of the interview.".

If that is not enough to make your skin crawl, his parents financial problem which is no secret, has caused them to set up a 3rd party payment system so they do not directly receive payment from ABC so the Jackson's creditors won't be able to go after the proceeds as long as they are not paid directly.

The Jackson family spokesperson and ABC refused to return calls and comment on the allegations of payment for the interview.

In the past Jackson's family was willing to speak to PBS in regard to an expose on "checkbook journalism" for $100,000.00.

Some other exciting King of Pop news is that District Attorney Thomas Sneddon said in a statement that the Santa Barbara County prosecutors announced they will file charges case against Michael Jackson on this Thursday or Friday.

They are expecting a media circus and as a result delayed filing charges which is usually done at the time of arrest. Sneddon said part of the delay was to hire a firm to handle the public relations and set up a web site to disseminate information to the hundreds of news organization that are following the case.

As expected Jackson family spokesman Brian Oxman immediately criticized Sneddon's hiring of the same firm that also represents the Cartoon Network to deal with the media. He said the hiring of such a firm was improper, because "a district attorney is supposed to try the case in court, not in the press."

Oxman said that "It is an affront to common sense, if not professional ethics, for a DA to have a celebrity crisis management team, which is what this new PR firm styles itself as being," and then went on to say "First we had a press conference where the DA told jokes, and now we have a PR firm the DA has hired that also represents the Cartoon Network."

Stay tuned here for the news as it happens!

December 17th 2003. 6:35 am News flash! What is on the controversial video tape that Mr. Raymond Norman is offering to sale to shock jock Howard Stern? Howard is bidding on the tape is claimed will blow the roof off the Michael Jackson case.

Though he started the bidding at only $75.00 and there is supposedly more than one copy of this 13 minute tape, I am still dieing to see and hear what is on this tape!

The king of All Media is know for producing stunts and someone that claims to be the head of Fox News is bidding thousands of dollars against Howard Stern who is rejecting the bids and claiming to start legal action against anyone who bids against him.

Howard's good friend and lawyer Dominic Barbera who has also represented such celebrities as Jessica Hahn as got into the on air fray but provided little help in the negotiation.

Bidding ended at $200 and now everyone will tune into Stern to hear and to his E! show to see what is on this tape.

December 18 th 2003. Today Michael Jackson was finally formally charged with a nine-count felony complaint. He is alleged to have committed seven counts alleging lewd or lascivious acts upon a child under 14 and two counts of administering an intoxicating agent.

These shocking molestation charges alone each carry between three and eight years in prison and ever it goes to trail will without doubt have the potential to become the most sensational celebrity case ever. In a press release Santa Barbara County District Attorney Tom Sneddon stated that the child will be on the stand if the case goes to trial.

Sneddon has agreed to delay Jackson's arraignment until Jan. 16 and ha has returned Michael Jackson's passport. As we reported earlier Michael's wish was to spend Christmas in Great Britain ands he is now expected to go there from December 20 th to January 6.

This is some change on circumstances since Ten months ago when; the cancer stricken boy appeared in a British documentary holding hands with Michael Jackson. Michael said in the documentary that the two had slept in the same bedroom but not the same bed. He then explained that having sleep overs with children was "sweet and innocent".

Michael Jackson became nervous after the British documentary aired and the accusing boys mother said that in order for Michael to shield the family against the press he moved her and the children out of their Los Angeles home for private jet rides to fancy hotels in Palm Beach, Florida, Westlake Village, California, and finally to Jackson's ranch, where and when the mother says the abuse occurred. She r also told attorneys she "felt held against her will" and had trouble getting personal belongings returned.

We just learned that the most serious of the crimes were alleged to have happened after the boy's mother had signed an affidavit and videotaped a statement swearing nothing improper happened with her son.

So far there have been No details of these alleged acts however the complaint that was filed repeatedly stated the acts were committed "with the intent of arousing, appealing to, and gratifying the lust, passions, and sexual desires" of both the child and the King of Pop and alleged that Michael Jackson in February and March had "substantial sexual conduct" with the child.

December 19th 2003. The latest news from the Jackson camp keeps getting stranger. The New York Post reported yesterday that Michael Jackson became a member of the black group Nation of Islam organization led by Black Muslim Louis Farrakhan.

In what was supposed to be a Jackson family reunion this weekend at which relatives would be taken on a tour of Neverland to see damage done by sheriff's deputies when they searched the ranch, has now become an event described by Michaels spokesman Stuart Backerman as "reinforcement and support" for the entertainer as he returns to his estate after being charged with child molestation. This event was described as a combination holiday party (does he still celebrate Christmas now that he is a member of the NOI?) and thank you to supporters.

The Original guest list for Saturday's event was for about 300 people, but it is growing daily and may be double that by the time the party begins. A larger amount of yet undisclosed celebrities are expected to attend the event.

Brian Oxman, a close Jackson family friend said "It's for family and friends to say thank you from Michael to people he loves and who have supported him...t's not a party. It's not a pep rally. It's not hoopla or celebration. They wanted to do something simple and quiet and the fact that it's mushroomed into these huge proportions is just the nature of Michael's life."

In other Jackson Family news, Janet Jackson will be the featured performer during the halftime show sponsored by AOL at the Super Bowl on Feb. 1 in Houston. The gala will be produced by MTV.

"There is no bigger spectacle than the Super Bowl," said Janet Jackson "It's a unique and exciting experience that I have looked forward to for many years."

The Post went far enough to say that "The King of Pop is restyling himself Jacko X" and that "High-ranking members of Nation of Islam have been working to bring Michael into Farrakhan's flock -- and Michael's conversion is now well known in the NOI community,"

Why would the soft spoken, universal love preaching King of Pop want to become a member of Farrakhan's outspoken organization? It is well know how the NOI is so controversial because of Farrakhan's its leaders' anti-Semitic and anti-gay declarations.

Michael's brother Jermaine converted to Islam in 1989. Fox News reported that Jermaine had brought Leonard Muhammad, Farrakhan's chief of staff into Michael's inner-circle as "a bodyguard". We have been told that Jermaine and Muhammad were "making the case to Michael that he was a victim of racism and that only the NOI could save him".

The opinion of most of those that I interviewed that this move will only further alienate Michael from his core group of fans and supporters but time will tell.

December 21st 2003. Among dozens of fellow reporters and a score of fans holding signs and shouting support to Michael Jackson yesterday, I counted more 487 vehicles loads with guest entering the Neverland Ranch for Michael's "homecoming" event.

Stuart Backerman who is the King of Pops spokesman made a statement to us that "This event is to show Michael that he has the love and support of his friends and family,"

This exclusive gathering titled "You Are Not Alone" after a Jackson song, of more than 600 guests which are Michael's family, friends, various inside supporters as well as well know celebrities was the first "public" appearance of Michael since his ride through Los Vegas last month and for someone as me, the place to be.

Among the food and entertainment, friends, family and children whom Michael Jackson has helped over the years took turns giving tributes to the king of pop and showed their support in song and hand holding.

While Musician Edwin Birdsong was leaving he told us reporters that Jackson was subdued as everyone honored him "He just said "Hi," and smiled,...It was very festive and happy."

Other guests I spoke to also characterized the mood inside as upbeat and Michael Jackson looked "relaxed.".

Some of the other well know guests included rapper MC Hammer, musician Robert Townsend of the Who, tennis star Serena Williams, comedian Eddie Griffin, former baseball star Darryl Strawberry, "American Idol" host and DJ Ryan Seacrest and Actor David McKnight.

Actor Tommy Davidson served as master of ceremonies while Katherine Rogers said Jermaine Jackson performed a song and a gospel choir led by Andrae Crouch performed.

As the party was breaking up, on of the cars with an unknown passengers threw a few T-shirts that read "I support Michael Jackson" to the fans that had been waiting there all day.

December 26 th 2003. When will Michael Jackson learn not to do interviews?

Many of our readers who now do not believe in the King of Pop have told me that one of the pivotal moment of whether they believe in him or not is when he claimed in a television interview with British journalist Martin Bashir on ABC this year that his obviously surgically distorted face was only operated on 2 times and that was only for his nose so he could sing better. The same statement was said more than once: "if he would lie about something so obvious, how can we believe in what else he says?"

This time Michael was interviewed by Ed Bradley on in a Los Angeles hotel room Christmas night that he stated that "of course" he still considers it acceptable to sleep with children. Mr. Jackson then went on to say "Why not?...If you're going to be a pedophile, if you're going to be Jack the Ripper, if you're going to be a murderer, it's not a good idea. That I am not...Before I would hurt a child, I would slit my wrists."

Michael Jackson went on again to proclaim is innocence to Mr. Bradley in the interview that is scheduled to air this Sunday on CBS. His music special "Michael Jackson Number Ones." which was scheduled to air on CBS last month the day before Thanksgiving is now going to air on Friday, Jan. 2.

From what I have been told Bradley has been trying to get an interview out of Michael Jackson for quiet some time and went as far as to go to Neverland last February, but the King of Pop backed down from the interview.

CBS entertainment spokesman Chris Ender said that if Michael Jackson did not grant the interview to 60 minutes, CBS would have never rescheduled the musical special.

Jacko went on to say in the interview that in regard to Neverland ranch "I won't live there ever again," he said. "It's a house now. It's not a home anymore. I'll only visit." He claimed that the police search had been overdone and that it violated his privacy.

December 29 th 2003. Last nights 60 minutes interview of Michael Jackson by Ed Bradley has me still shaking my head today.

While there were no new revelations, I was still surprised by the interviews as a whole. Michael Jackson seemed fairly composed throughout the entire interview and the careful lighting and makeup allowed the King of Pop to have an almost normal appearance as compared to some of the less "staged" shots of him.

Basically Michael proclaimed his innocence again and complained dearly on how he was manhandled by the police and that his Neverland Ranch is no longer his home but a house to him after what he fells was the unfair treatment of his property by the police when executing the search warrant on his estate.

He complained of being handled so roughly when he was handcuffed by the Santa Barbara police that allegedly his shoulder had been dislocated and his armed bruised. He complained that "I'm in pain all the time." and can not raise his arm past a certain point and that he has problems sleeping at night with the pain. They even showed pictures of his bruised arm that was allegedly taken after his booking.

Michael Jackson clearly showed he was upset when he described how he had to go to the bathroom and was locked in a feces smeared restroom and taunted by the police for more than 45 minutes.

Through it all Michael Jackson seems very supportive of the child who is accusing him of these terrible crimes and claims that it is being done by forces other than the child and the motive is for financial gain.

One of the more interesting moments of the interview with Ed Bradley was when Mr. Bradley asked Michael for a second time if he would allow his children to sleep with a 45 year old male who is under suspicion of molestation children as he is. Michael finally answered if he knew the man he would let his children sleep with the man. I guess Michael is more trusting than Mr. Bradley or I am based upon Mr. Bradley's reaction!

Two things struck me when watching this interview. First of all I was expecting his body language to clearly indicate to me what was going on inside of him and quite honestly it was a very hard read. It was also quiet clear that if Michael does in fact have to serve time with the general population of a prison, I can't see him lasting a week.

King of Pop Michael Jackson News From November 2003

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Wednesday November 19th authorities announced that an arrest warrant has been issued for Michael Jackson also know as the King Of Pop. He is being accused of an unspecified amount of multiple counts of lewd or lascivious acts with a child under 14. Formal charges are expected to be filed after Thanksgiving.

Jackson continued to work on the final touches of his current video despite the fact that the fact that the Santa Barbara District Attorney Thomas W. Sneddon Jr demanded his return and the fact he had a warrant out for his arrest.

Jackson's attorney Mark Geragos made formal statements claiming that Jackson came back to confront the charges head-on, and Michaels spokesperson Stuart Backerman calling the current allegations "outrageous."

The Santa Barbara Sheriff Jim Anderson said that authorities were "in contact" with Jackson's lawyers and that Michael Jackson had been given the opportunity to surrender "within a specified period of time."

The following statement was made on Nov 19th, 2003 by Jim Anderson:

Yesterday morning at around 8:30 a.m., investigators from the Santa Barbara County Sheriff's Department and the Santa Barbara District Attorney's Office served a search warrant at the Neverland Ranch in Los Olivos. Simultaneous to the service of the warrant at the Neverland Ranch, two search warrants were also served in Southern California. Approximately seventy investigators from the Sheriff's Department and the District Attorney's Office were involved in the service of the warrant at the Neverland Ranch. The operation was concluded at around 11:00 P.M. last night. The service of these warrants was part of an ongoing investigation alleging criminal misconduct on the part of Michael Jackson.

The basis for this investigation regarding Mr. Jackson involves allegations of Child Molestation, 288 (a) of the California Penal Code.

Mr. Jackson has also been directed to surrender his passport when he is taken into custody.

While we appreciate the level of interest generated by this case, the Santa Barbara County Sheriff's Department is committed to maintain the integrity of this investigation with respect to both legal and ethical considerations.

We will not be commenting on issues specific to this investigation beyond what has already been released.

Jim Anderson,SHERIFF

November 20th 2003. Michael Jackson arrived by private jet at the Santa Barbara Airport around noon. The self proclaimed king of Pop was then immediately taken into custody by the Santa Barbara Sheriff's Department at the airport and then was transported to the Main Jail in handcuffs to be booked.

He was formally booked on charges of violation of section 288 (a) of the California Penal Code. Even though $3 million was the amount of bail set for his case, he was able to immediately post it and was out of the facility in less than 50 minutes.

Michael returned back to Vegas by private jet as soon as he did The news stations went live again, and now they were broadcasting Jackson's journey through the city's streets for two hours as if it was the OJ chase. The fans were going nuts with Hundreds followed the motorcade all trying to get a glimpse of the king of pop or to shake Jackson's hand.

Obviously the story does not end here as Mr. Jackson will be arraigned on the charges at Santa Barbara Superior Court at 8:30AM on January 9, 2004.

This off the wall episode in the life of the former member of the 70s rock band the Jackson five will end up being quite some thriller for Michael Jackson fans and haters alike.

What went wrong with this great musician who was at his peak of fame in the 70's and 80s? What are all these charges about? Will he moonwalk his way out of the courtroom a freeman or will he be looking at himself as the man in the mirror in a jail cell?

The charges Mr. Jackson is facing can carry a 2, 4, or 6 year jail terms if he is convicted for the multiple counts of Child Molestation.

Today November 21st Mr. Jackson was staying in seclusion for most of the day at a hotel and spa outside the city. I was told he was finishing work on a music video. Unfortunately I was unable to get the hotel manager to say if Jackson was a guest there.

Our sources tell us that other Members of Jackson's family also were at a recording studio in Vegas, apparently without him.

November 22nd 2003. The question of the day fans an reporters alike were asking was "Where is Michael?". Fans were and reporters were looking high an low for him and helicopters were still buzzing his ranch as well as other known "hideouts".

So where was the King of Pop? The answer was simple: putting the final touches on his song "One More Chance." on a sound stage.

Fans who did guess he was at the studio were carrying signs with messages of support and those who hated Michael Jackson carried signs of hate and screamed at some of the fans for still supporting him.

The 23rd of November proved to be another exciting day in the King of Pop saga with candle light vigils and shows of support for the entertainer around the world.

Weeping teens holding candle and home made signs and self styled imitators of the King of Pop were giving impromptu performances in the street. Music that Michael made spanning three decades could be heard playing from car radios and boom boxes.

Supporters of Michael and his staunchest critics kept asking the other reporters and me how this could have happened again.

Monday the 24th Michael Jackson released a website proclaiming again his innocence of the latest allegations made against him.

The site was the brainchild of Stuart Backerman who is Jackson spokesman. He did this so he could communicate directly with the news media and fans and avoid any statements made by others that claim that they are speaking on behalf of Michael Jackson.

Jackson stated that the site would serve as a source for "official communications on my case." Jackson went on to say that "any statement that does not appear on this website must be considered unauthorized.

Statements on his site include " As you know, the charges recently directed at me are terribly serious," Jackson goes on to say "They are, however, predicated on a big lie. This will be shown in court, and we will be able to put this horrible time behind us."

Regardless of how some of you may feel we have to remember that he is innocent until proven guilty in a court of law and we have clearly seen that there has been world wide support for the King of Pop. This case will prove to be the court case of the century and I wouldn't miss it for anything!

In and expected move on November 25th, Los Angeles County Superior Court Judge David Yaffe granted Michael Jackson a court order against the aircraft company XtraJet, which was attempting to sell a videotape made on November 20th of Michael and his attorney while they flew from Las Vegas to Santa Barbara which was taken without their knowledge and consent to the highest bidder.

Mark Geragos, Michael's attorney made the following statement: "The videotaping of my client conferring with me was illegal and outrageous, as was the aircraft company's attempt to sell that tape for profit… "This entire case is about cash, and anyone who believes differently is living in their own Neverland. We will be absolutely relentless in our pursuit of any and all extortionists regardless of how they try to gift wrap their lies in the cloak of justice. Michael is not going to be a piñata for every money-hungry publicity seeker to strike in the hopes of hitting it rich."

The judge's ruling prohibits XtraJet from releasing the tape until a further hearing which is set next month. We have been told that Jackson and his attorney are looking for a permanent prohibition.

Stuart Backerman, Jackson's spokesperson stated "Anyone watching this case can see that new lows are being hit every day. Motivated parties are taking obscene measures to injure Michael with false allegations. We will aggressively challenge the rogue's gallery of grifters who are seeking dividends from Michael's ordeal. There is a very real, human price being exacted here, and Michael will do what it takes to safeguard his family and his name."

I have to say that as a reporter I have seen and heard seen many terrible things over the years that makes me question the intent of my fellow reporters and journalists. I can only hope that no one would have bid for this tape which would be a slap in the face of American morals and the criminal justice system. Whether you believe he is innocent or guilty, everyone has the right to a fair trail and the ability to speak confidentially with their council. This is a basic freedom that all American weird or not, wealthy or not, famous or not deserve.

November 26th proved to be a day of even more revelations, twists and turns in the Michael Jackson case.

First there was the apology made by District Attorney Thomas W. Sneddon Santa Barbara County's top prosecutor. Apparently he was criticized for making the following remark to reporters during a news conference announcing the allegations against Jackson: "I hope that you all stay long and spend lots of money because we need your sales tax to support our offices."

DA Sneddon was quoted as saying "I think the criticism was valid...I think to some extent (the comment) was inappropriate. I feel bad about it because I should have known better."

Second Wade Robson, 21 An Australian entertainer who is now a choreographer and songwriter for Britney Spears and boy band 'N Sync, has come to the very public defense of Michael Jackson.

In an interview with Sydney's The Daily Telegraph newspaper he stated he first met Jackson when he was five and their friendship had always been "creatively based." and that during a visit to Jackson's Neverland Ranch he shared a bed with the King of Pop when he was a small boy but nothing "strange" happened.

He was quoted as saying about Michael "He is on one level a genius, a creative artist, an intellectual man. But on the other hand, he is still a kid because he has never lived through regular things that men go through, that people go through in growing up."

"Everything in life is so complex, he just wanted something around that was simple - to hang out with kids," and that Michael had "no concept of reality".

Lastly, at that time Jackson was being booked on Nov. 20th, Lee Kevin Madden, 27 of Los Angeles, was arrested after allegedly getting aboard Michael Jackson's private jet when the Mr. Jackson flew into town. Santa Barbara police Sgt. Dave Gonzalez said Mr. Madden was discovered aboard the jet by Michael Jackson's security people and held for the Santa Barbara Municipal Airport patrol; Gonzalez also said Madden was booked for investigation of misdemeanor trespassing and released.

Madden had in his possession at the time of arrest a video camera, digital camera, notepad and clipboard, and claimed to be a reporter with the Splash Agency which identifies itself on its Web site as an independent entertainment news and picture agency, with it's corporate headquarters in London.

The splash website displayed aerial photos of Neverland ranch credited to "Lee Madden / Splash." Other photos the interior of an airplane with a hat atop a seat identified as Michaels hat, and an exterior shot of a jet in a hangar with individual descending its stairs identified as Jackson.

The possibility of a connection between the alleged trespass and the videotapes made of Michael and his lawyer was under investigation, but no connection had been made.

As of November 27th the Santa Barbara County District Attorney now says charges against Michael Jackson will not be filed until some time after Dec. 15. This give Michael and his lawyers so more time to do damage control and hopefully put the fear of God into anyone foolish enough to attempt to circulate any copies of the tapes that were made of Mr. Jackson and his lawyer on a private jet on the way to be booked in California last week.

If any portion of these tapes are released into public, in our opinion here at the King of Pop News, it would be almost impossible for Michael to get a fair trail.

More and more facts are coming to light about Jackson accuser and the family. Stuart Backerman, Jackson's spokesperson as well as the Santa Barbara County district attorney's office declined to comment about the past lawsuits involving the accuser's family.

The accusing family has been in two previous cases that involved abuse allegations: the first was a lawsuit in which they said they were battered by security guards at a mall, and a bitter divorce fight in which the father pleaded no contest to spousal abuse and child cruelty. The J.C. Penney Co. paid the family $137,500 to settle a lawsuit In November 2001. Court records show that the suit alleged in 1998 the security guards physically beat the boy, his mother and his brother in the mall parking lot after the boy left the JC Penney's carrying clothes that he allegedly hadn't been paid for. It was also clamed that the mother was sexually assaulted by one of the guards.

The boy's mother had filed for divorce shortly before the settlement in 2001. The father's attorney, Russell Halpern, said the mother had lied about the abuse and had a "Svengali-like" ability to make train her children to lie. Criminal charges were filed about the alleged abuse.

The wife had allegedly written a script for their children to use when they were questioned in a civil deposition. Halpern said "She wrote out all their testimony. I actually saw the script …I remember my client showing me, bringing the paperwork to me."

In 2002, the boy's father was charged with four counts of child cruelty, and one count each of injuring a child, making a threat and false imprisonment. The other charges were dismissed. We have also learned that the father pleaded no contest to spousal abuse in 2001.

November 28th. Yesterday it was reported during a Thanksgiving dinner for the homeless by Jamie Masada, owner of The Laugh Factory in West Hollywood, that the alleged victim of the latest child abuse charge is in extremely poor health that his remaining kidney is failing and that he needs a transplant. Masada said he saw the boy earlier this week at home where he is being treated except for his dialysis treatments.

Jamie Masada said he brought Jackson and the child together about two years ago when the child at that time was only given a few weeks to live due to an advanced form of cancer and it's complications. Doctors removed a large tumor from the boy's stomach and at the same time took out his spleen and one of his kidneys some time ago.

Since the search warrant was issue for Neverland, people has clamored to support the King of Pop. Some of the most outspoken supporters have been his family and friends such as his friend Elizabeth Taylor.

Most of the email we receive here is in support of Michael. The overwhelming response we have received is from the United States, Japan, India, and Brazil with most of the support coming to us from Europe,

Conspiracy theorists clam that raid on Michael Jackson's home was done purposely on the day his greatest hits album "Number Ones" was released. They also bring up the jovial demeanor of DA Tom Sneddon as he announced the charges. As we reported here Sneddon later apologized for his remarks.

Now the race card is being played even to the extent that Michael's brother Jermaine Jackson described his brother's arrest to a "lynching." and Jesse Jackson said the arrest was so "impeccably timed that it leads to even more suspicions. ... It seems aimed to destroy this media mogul."

Black Newsday columnist Sheryl McCarthy described Jackson as "the first celebrity to physically transform himself from a black person to a Caucasian, or a facsimile of one." With a changed face, hair, and skin color (Michael claims to have vitiligo a disease that causes pigment loss).

I personally find it surprising that someone who has basically tuned themselves from a black person to a white person receive such support and claims of racial discrimination from the black community.

What's your opinion about the race card being played?

November 29th. The latest development in the Jackson case maybe one of the most disturbing aspect of the case yet. It seems that with all of the negative publicity surrounding Michael Jackson that many charities, even schools and cities want nothing to do with the King of Pop and are shunning his past and present generosity and may not even accept gifts from him in the future.

Michael Jackson was listed in the 2000 Guinness Book of World Records as the world record holder for "most charities supported by a pop star." Wouldn't it be a shame if all the good that he has done over the years is forgotten or even outright whitewashed from society?

One example of the most outrageous behavior I have seen to date is that Gardner Street Elementary School a Hollywood elementary school that Jackson attended for three months in 1969 put up plywood to cover the first two words "Michael Jackson" on the "Michael Jackson Auditorium."

Olga Quinones, spokeswoman for the Los Angeles Unified School District said parents brought up concerns at a meeting last week that the auditorium's name would bring the school "unwarranted attention."

Seems to be he has been tried and convicted even before he has even entered a court room. Lets hope more people come to their senses as even of he is found guilty why should the people who need his help not receive it?

November 30th. It has come to our attention that even more charities have tuned their back on the king of pop.

Michael Shetzer the director of corporate relations for the International Child Art Foundation removed a link from its website to an organization called Music for Giving. Charities receive a percentage of profits from every Jackson song downloaded there.

The other snub that came to our attention was the Bloomington Indiana high school marching band dropped the Jackson song "Thriller" from its Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade play list. The Band director Thomas Wilson told The New York Times "Thriller" would not be appropriate for the "morals and ideals" the parade represents.

Tomorrow we will examine Michael Jackson finances and alleged lack thereof.

David Letterman Top Ten Michael Jackson Jokes

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Top Ten Things Overheard at the Jackson/Lisa Marie Presley Wedding
from David Letterman, July 19, 1994:

10. Family to the left, plastic surgeons to the right.
9. She could've used a little more of his eye-liner.
8. I bet they didn't have to get married.
7. I'll have to ask you to check your snake at the door, La Toya.
6. I'm sorry, I can't find a Brooke Shields on the guest list, ma'am.
5. There's that strange whirring sound again -- as if some deceased rock star were spinning in his grave.
4. I got you some his and hers towels. Split 'em up however you like.
3. I'm Mr. Tito Jackson. You mean Dr. Tito Jackson? Yes I am.
2. Ahhh! The ghost of Elvis is eating all the cake -- oh, it's just Liz Taylor.
1. I just heard on the weather channel -- hell froze over.

Q: What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?
A: Got two fives for a ten?

Top Ten Ways Michael Jackson Is Preparing for Fatherhood
from David Letterman, November 14, 1996

10. Taking Lamaze classes with Bubbles the chimp
9. Deciding whether or not its okay to name a girl "Tito".
8. Reading Dr. Spock's "How to Raise a Weird-Ass Child".
7. Asking LaToya to help him find a good psychic babysitter.
6. Memorizing the mother's name in case they actually meet.
5. Buying hundreds of toys and stuffed animals, and also a few things for the baby.
4. Installing nursery monitor that will sound alarm if baby starts to act normal.
3. Having mother take sonogram test to determine the baby's sex.
2. Having the same test done on himself.
1. Child-proofing each and every llama in the house.

Michael Jackson and Woody Allen on "Child Psychology": "Spare the rod, and spoil the child."

Top 10 Good Things About Being Married to Michael Jackson
from David Letterman, August 02, 1994

10. When you get a few years older, good advice on plastic surgeons.
9. White sequined glove prevents greasy finger prints on fridge.
8. Fun to say, "Honey, could you moonwalk down to the shop n' save for a quart of milk?"
7. After a day with the Jacksons, suddenly your Presley relatives seem normal.
6. None of those annoying demands for sex.
5. His squeeky ultrasonic voice keeps away mice.
4. As the King of Pop, he gets the 10% dinner discount at participating Red Lobster restaurants.
3. If he comes home with lipstick on his collar, you can be pretty sure it's his own.
2. Never have to throw out leftovers with Liz dropping by.
1. Three words: CHRISTMAS WITH TITO.

Top Ten Things Overheard at the Taping of the Jackson Family Special
from David Letterman, February 21, 1994

10. How did Tito get the night off from Domino's?
9. Once again, please welcome the Jackson family lawyers!
8. No kidding? He's my plastic surgeon too!
7. That's odd ... I don't remember a Jackson named 'Nipsey'.
6. More fudge, Miss Taylor?
5. Siegfried-Tito, Tito-Siegfried, Roy-Tito, Tito-Roy ...
4. Good News. Brooke has agreed to continue pretending she's dating Michael.
3. What's LaToya doing with that lead pipe?
2. It's great to see Michael grabbing himself again.
1. Sing something, you weirdo!

Top Ten Attractions At The New Michael Jackson Theme Park
from David Letterman, July 14, 1998

10. Latoya-Go-Round
9. Diseased Chimp Petting Zoo
8. Mr. Toad's Wild Hyperbaric Chamber
7. Country Bear Crotch-Grabbin' Jamboree
6. Michael's Haunted Pants
5. Guess Tito's Weight
4. Used Surgical Mask Trampoline
3. 20,000 Leagues Under The Scalpel
2. The Lipo-Coaster
1. Deposition Land

Top Ten MTV Music Award Categories Michael Jackson is Nominated In
from David Letterman July 26, 1995

10. Best editing of facial features
9. Outstanding performance in ongoing police investigation
8. Weirdest male artist
7. Weirdest female artist
6. Best performance in a black and white video by artist who isn't really either
5. New video by guy with a brother named Tito
4. Best singer who talks just like Mike Tyson
3. Least life-like nose
2. Best acting in a marriage
1. Best new face

Top Ten Michael Jackson Marriage Tips
from David Letterman, June 14, 1995

10. Mickey Mouse ears make a great birth control device.
9. Be considerate -- try not to hog the monkey.
8. Keep the moonwalking crap to a minimum.
7. Apologize after saying something like "I wished I'd married the remains of the elephant man instead of you!"
6. Whenever wife complains about how freakin' weird you are, show her a picture of Prince
5. Make it clear that as far as she is concerned, your pants are neverland.
4. Pretend not to notice when she flirts with other androgynous freaks.
3. Maintain joint account with Revlon.
2. Keep having surgery until you and your wife are identical twins.
1. Two words: Beat it!

Top Ten Signs There's Already Trouble in Michael Jackson's Marriage
from David Letterman, November 19, 1996

10. Their plastic surgeons aren't speaking to each other.
9. She's constantly screaming, "You're no Tito!"
8. She's filed a restraining order to make him "cut out that Moonwalking crap".
7. Her parents just found out that Michael Jackson used to be black.
6. She's discovered that he's not exactly a "Thriller" in the sack.
5. They're always fighting over the mascara.
4. When he removed his surgical mask, she said, "Michael Jackson? I thought I was marrying Michael Jordan!"
3. They just can't agree on whether to raise their child as a freak or a weirdo.
2. Sign on her bedroom door says, "Neverland".
1. She's started dating O.J.

Top Ten Signs of Trouble in the Michael Jackson/Lisa Marie Presley Marriage
from David Letterman, August 05, 1994

10. Michael going through noses faster than ever.
9. She's flirting with Tito.
8. If two completely normal people like Roseanne and Tom can't make it, then these kids don't have a chance.
7. Lately, Michael's been acting kind of weird.
6. Four words: Marriage tips from Liz.
5. Michael caught wearing another woman's make-up.
4. He put the Club on the bedroom door.
3. Michael spotted in Central Park with Soon-Yi.
2. She wants the toilet seat left down, and he... well, actually, no trouble there.
1. Now they're both touching themselves.

Top Ten Signs the Michael Jackson/Lisa Marie Marriage is in Trouble
from David Letterman, November 14, 1994

10. Michael looking pale and weird lately.
9. Their Christmas card is a copy of their pre-nuptial agreement.
8. They no longer share the Maybelline.
7. Michael living in a Motel 6 outside of Rochester, N.Y.
6. Lisa Marie now dating Richard Simmons.
5. She likes Wendy's, he's an Arby's man.
4. Lisa Marie refused to take the four-year intensive NASA training program that would teach her to moonwalk.
3. She's making eyes at other androgynous freaks.
2. She's found out "Neverland" refers to their sex life.
1. He's grabbing himself again.

Top Ten Lisa Marie's Complaints about Michael Jackson
from David Letterman, December 02, 1994

10. Always screaming at the TV during Packers games.
9. Keeps forgetting to put the cap back on the mascara.
8. That moonwalking crap gets old real fast.
7. It's always Liz Taylor this, Liz Taylor that...
6. I know I'm his wife--but the man wants sex morning, noon and night!
5. Jackson 5 closer to 4 and 5/8ths.
4. The high-pitched squealing every time he sees a toy he wants.
3. Chugs a couple of buds, falls asleep on the La-Z-Boy, and snores like a son-of-a-bitch.
2. His bedroom filled with the overwhelming stench of chimp!
1. He's a great big freak!

The Top 19 Michael Jackson Parenting Tips

19. Rather than spanking, threaten to have Tito baby sit.
18. When the child does something wrong, grab your crotch, thrust it forward, and scream, "BAD!"
17. Elephant Man bones make a nifty over-the-crib mobile.
16. You should always being willing to share your toys... and so should your child, for that matter.
15. Little friends are always welcome, once they've signed the standard release.
14. Keep baking soda handy to extinguish flaming hair.
13. There's nothing a spoonful of sugar, a big hug, and $15,000,000 can't fix.
12. Teach your child, "Beauty is only skin deep -- but hey, a few face peels never hurt anybody."
11. Wait until your child can effectively bob and weave before allowing him to spend the weekend with his grandpa.
10. At birthday parties, don't leave Elizabeth Taylor unattended at the punch bowl.
9. Snug-fitting diapers will keep you from becoming the "King of Poop".
8. That sheep in the petting zoo is only for Daddy.
7. Teach your child not to spank the monkey.
6. It's OK to love your child, just don't LOVE your child.
5. Frequent plastic surgery keeps your kids feeling and looking *fresh*!
4. Spankings are okay -- but stop if the little tyke's hand gets sore.
3. Let the child pick his nose -- from a catalog.
2. Remove glove *before* changing diaper.
And The Number 1 Michael Jackson Parenting Tip...
1. Don't let your child play with Madonna's child -- some people are just too WEIRD.

Top Ten Ways Michael Jackson Celebrated His 36th Birthday
from David Letterman, September 01, 1994

10. Plays pin-the-nose-on-the-donkey.
9. Enjoyed big steak dinner cooked by Lisa Marie, drank beer and watched wrestling till he fell asleep.
8. Received novelty drinking mug that says "World's Greatest Reclusive Freak."
7. A champagne celebration with his wife, the monkey and that super short guy.
6. Doing what he always does -- acting really weird.
5. Goes 0-4 against the Tidewater Mets (Sorry, that's how Michael Jordan celebrated his birthday).
4. Inhaled helium from party balloons to make his voice higher.
3. Found Tito stealing tomatoes from his vegetable garden; chased him around the house with a rake.
2. Turned Liz loose on the leftover birthday cake.
1. Two words: grabbing himself.

Heard on David Letterman, August 27, 2003:
Michael Jackson came off a plane. He was wearing pajamas, carrying an umbrella and holding a battery-operated fan. If he keeps this up, he could get a reputation for being weird.

Best Michael Jackson Jokes about the King Of Pop

2011-11-07T12:58:00.000-08:00

Best Michael Jackson Jokes

Remember these are just jokes and they are to be taken as such!

Q. How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A. From a catalogue.

Q: What do Michael Jackson and the Mets have in common?
A: They both wear one glove for no apparent reason

Q. What's the difference between Mr. Potato Head and Michael Jackson?
A. Michael Jackson has had more noses.

Q. What does Michael Jackson reminisce about?
A. Blowing his first nose.

Q. Who is the greatest person ever?
A. Michael Jackson - he was born a poor black boy in Gary, Indiana and grew up to become a rich white woman in Europe.

Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Richard Pryor?
A. One got burnt doing Pepsi; the other got burnt doing coke.

Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley?
A. About two dress sizes.

Q. What were Lisa-Marie's newlywed complaints about Michael Jackson?
A1. He leaves the lid off the mascara, causing it to dry out.
A2. That battle axe Liz Taylor never calls before she comes over.
A3. She suspects he's using her to get to Elvis' bones.

Q. Why did Michael Jackson cross the road?
A. He saw someone blowing bubbles and thought he'd join in.

A little boy goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God a male or a female?"
After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well, God is both a male and a female."
This confuses the little boy, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"
"Well, God is both black and white."
At this, the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks, "Is Michael Jackson God?"

It was reported the other day that Michael Jackson wants to be one of the first civilians to travel into space. A spokesperson for NASA said, "We're fine with the idea but the only problem is Jackson insists on coming back".

Q: What were Michael Jackson's baby's first words?
A: Which one's mommy?

Q: What did Michael Jackson say to his credit card?
A: You are not alone, I am plastic too.

I heard that shortly before having Michael Jackson's baby, the woman who was impregnated by him was asked some questions by some reporters:
Reporter: Have you been able to determine its sex?
Woman: No. I want to wait until after it's born. As long as it's healthy.
Reporter: Ma'am, I was referring to Michael.

Q: How is Michael dealing with his problems?
A: He's holding his own.

Q: How are Michael's friends dealing with the problem?
A: They're all standing behind him.

Q: Why is Michael Jackson's album new entitled "Bad"?
A: Because he couldn't spell "Pathetic".

Q: What did Michael Jackson do when his hair caught on fire?
A: He "Beat-it!"

Rumor has it that Michael Jackson's baby was conceived through artificial insemination. Pee Wee Herman was best man at the wedding. Coincidence? I think not.

Lisa Marie's Divorce Allegations Against Michael Jackson:

Wouldn't drink beer, watch football and break wind with her during Thanksgiving with Mom at Graceland.
Refused her pleas for separate make-up mirrors.
Unwilling to try new things in bed...like her for instance.
Elephant Man bones...fine. Oxygen chamber for eternal youth...well okay. But what's with the Groucho head on Jayne Mansfield's body thing?
In all their months of marriage not once did he charter a jet to get her peanut butter sandwiches or fly a mime troupe in from France like Poppa did for Momma.
Had her favorite noses (June 1994 and September 1995) done over.
She was shocked to discover that the glittery uniforms were not actually part of any real military organization.
He started hanging out with Madonna's dancers to toughen up his image.
Everywhere you turn, Elizabeth Taylor's supporting you through some sordid allegation.
Stood in the way of her film career when he refused to bankroll her debut performance in 'Jail bait Rock', the story of her Mom and Dad's courtship.
The all-night Kool Aid and Twister marathons with his little friends left him too tired to do that 'hee-hee-hee' thing she fell in love with.
She felt pressured to buy hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of LaToya's Amway products for the sake of family peace.
Jermaine and Tito were constantly asking her why Elvis didn't have kids THEY could marry.
Swears she thought she was marrying Michael Keaton.
She grew tired of scouring every Chucky Cheese's within a 50 mile radius only to find him slumped over a table in yet another chocolate milk and Pez stupor.
He told her to "just beat it" one too many times.
He's a plain spoken "Hoosier", and she had clearly gone "Hollywood".
She wanted someone more like her father, and though he was already a pathetic parody of his former self, he was just unwilling to gain weight.
He kept forgetting to put the top back on the mascara.
Irreconcilable similarities.

It's not who you know -- it's who you know had a nose job.

Chandler Statement against the King of Pop: Michael Jackson

2011-11-07T12:48:00.000-08:00

These following statement is from J Chandler and is not the opinion of MyCrapMail.

Warning: The deposition contains some graphic accounts. Skip over it if you do not wish to read them.

DECLARATION OF J. CHANDLER

I, J. Chandler, declare:

I am the plaintiff in this lawsuit against Michael Jackson. I was born on January 11, 1980 and am 13 years old. I am currently in the eighth grade. I first met Michael Jackson when I was five years old at a restaurant that my mother, stepfather and I often went to.
In about May of 1992 I met Michael Jackson again at my stepfather's car rental business, Rent-a-Wreck. My stepfather called me and told me that Michael Jackson was at Rent-a-Wreck and that I should come down and see him. Later I learned from my stepfather that Michael Jackson's car had broken down and that he was at Rent-a-Wreck to get another car while his was being repaired.
After I met Michael Jackson at Rent-a-Wreck he began calling me on the telephone. From about May of 1992 until about February 1993 (when I first spent the weekend with Michael Jackson at Neverland), I received many telephone calls from Michael Jackson. For at least part of this time Michael Jackson was on tour and he would be calling me from various places throughout the world. On occasion these telephone conversations lasted as long as three hours. Michael Jackson and I talked about video games, the Neverland Ranch, water fights, and famous people that he knew.
In about February 1993, my mother, Lily (my half sister), and I went to Neverland at the invitation of Michael Jackson. The three of us stayed together in the guest area. I did not spend the nights with Michael Jackson. This was a weekend trip.
I spent the entire weekend with Michael Jackson. We went on jet skis in a small lake he had, saw the animals that he kept at Neverland, played video games and went on golf cart rides. One evening he took Lily and me to Toys 'R Us and we were allowed to get anything we wanted. Although the store was closed, it was opened just for our visit.
In late March 1993, my mother, Lily and I went to Las Vegas as a guest of Michael Jackson. We flew on a private airplane. We stayed at a large suite at the Mirage Hotel. My mother and Lily shared a bedroom. We stayed at the Mirage Hotel about a week. One night Michael Jackson and I watched the Exorcist in Michael Jackson's bedroom. When the movie was over, I was scared. Michael Jackson suggested that I spend the night with him, which I did. Although we slept in the same bed there was no physical contact.
From that time, whenever Michael Jackson and I were together, we slept in the same bed. We spent two or three additional nights in the same bed at Las Vegas. Again, there was no physical contact.
After I returned from the Las Vegas trip, my friendship with Michael Jackson became much closer. My mother Lily and I started making frequent trips to Neverland. At Neverland I would always sleep in bed with Michael Jackson. I also slept in bed with Michael Jackson at my house and at hotels in New York, Florida and Europe. We were together until our relationship ended in July 1993. During our relationship Michael Jackson had sexual contact with me on many occasions.
Physical contact between Michael Jackson and myself increased gradually. The first step was simply Michael Jackson hugging me. The next step was for him to give me a brief kiss on the cheek. He then started kissing me on the lips, first briefly and then for a longer period of time. He would kiss me while we were in bed together.
The next step was when Michael Jackson put his tongue in my mouth. I told him I did not like that. Michael Jackson started crying. He said there was nothing wrong with it. He said that just because most people believe something is wrong, doesn't make it so.
Michael Jackson told me that another of his young friends would kiss him with an open mouth. Michael Jackson said that I did not love him as much as this other friend.
The next step was when Michael Jackson rubbed up against me in bed. The next step was when we would lie on top of each other with erections.
During May of 1993, my mother, Lily and I went with Michael Jackson to Monaco in Europe. Michael Jackson and I both had colds so we stayed in the room all day while my mother and Lily were out. That's when the whole thing really got out of hand. We took a bath together. This was the first time that we had seen each other naked. Michael Jackson named certain of his children friends that masturbated in front of him.
Michael Jackson then masturbated in front of me. He told me that when I was ready, he would do it for me. While we were in bed, Michael Jackson put his hand underneath my underpants. He then masturbated me to a climax. After that Michael Jackson masturbated me many times both with his hand and with his mouth.
Michael Jackson had me suck one nipple and twist the other nipple while Michael Jackson masturbated. On one occasion when Michael Jackson and I were in bed together Michael Jackson grabbed my buttock and kissed me while he put his tongue in my ear. I told him I didn't like that. Michael Jackson started to cry.
Michael Jackson told me that I should not tell anyone what had happened. He said that this was a secret.
My relationship with Michael Jackson ended when my father obtained custody of me in July 1993 and I started living permanently at my father's house.
I declare under penalty of perjury that the foregoing is true and correct.
Executed on December 28, 1993, at Santa Monica, California.

J. Chandler

This deposition is also on the site The Smoking Gun.

In an unusual twist a legal secretary Geraldine Hughes worked for attorney Barry Rothman in 1993 and claims that Michael Jackson was framed. Rothman represented dentist Evan Chandler in his divorce from his wife, June. Hughes said allegations against Jackson of child molestation came up as a result of a bitter custody dispute between the Chandlers over their son.

Hughes is publishing a book of her observations titled "Redemption: The Truth Behind the Michael Jackson Allegations." which is scheduled for release in January 2004.

"Rothman advised the father how to report child abuse via a third party rather than going directly to the police," she said. "If it were any other case, you'd just pick up the phone and call the police." "I was surprised one day to see the boy in a closed-door session with Rothman with no adult present," she recalled. "That was very unusual too."

Jackson wound up paying a reported settlement of $20 million to the Chandlers.

Job offer match, respond to apply - Job ad - see details! Sent through Search engine - Position opening in your area

2011-11-06T08:42:00.000-08:00

Sent via: Email looks like you sent it to yourself
Subject lines: Job offer match, respond to apply (and) Job ad - see details! Sent through Search engine (and) Position opening in your area
Determination: We have received dozens of copies of this email that past few days. It is a fraud email sent by spammers from Russia. As always, when we find a scam we ask you not to reply to these emails.

We have an excellent opportunity for an apprentice applicant to join a rapidly expanding company.

An at home Key Account Manager Position (Ref: 49400-557/3HR) is a great opportunity for stay at home parents or anyone who wants to work in the comfort of their own home.

This is a genuine offer and not to be confused with scams!
The successful candidate must have the ability to handle calls efficiently whilst maintaining the highest levels of customer service and being courteous.
Applicants must have an excellent telephone manner, have a friendly approach, excellent communication skills and be computer literate.
You must have the ability to type and talk at the same time to customers, as you will be taking customer details over the phone and inputting data onto company database.

Requirements: computer with Internet access, valid email address, good typing skills.
If you fit the above description and meet the requirements, please apply to this ad stating your location.

You will be processing orders from your computer. How much you earn is up to you.
The average is in the region of US$600- US$750.00 per week, depending on whether you work full or part time.

If you would like more information, please contact us stating where you are located and our job reference number - 49400-557/3HR.
Please only SERIOUS applicants.

Our contacts: Prince@jobsearchoo.com

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Funny As Crap Toilet Paper Photos Of Joke TP

2011-10-30T16:52:00.000-07:00

You will love these funny as crap rolls of printed toilet paper of all types for those who take longer on the john. Where would you see these toilet paper rolls? Only in America! There is a little something for everyone such as Black Toilet Paper, Camouflage Toilet Paper, a $100 Dollar Bill Toilet Paper, Cheese Grater Toilet Paper, a Ruler Toilet Paper and How To Wipe Toilet Paper!

Memo From IBM About Mouse Balls and Mouse Ball inspectors

2011-10-30T09:48:00.000-07:00

Mouse Balls and Mouse Ball inspector

[I do not know how they wrote this with a straight face. This was a real memo sent out by IBM to its employees in all seriousness. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite genuine. The engineers rolled on the floor - especially note the last couple of sentences.]

If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units).Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, a replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls.

Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method.

Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.

It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.

Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.

Acme Halloween Costume For A Bald Man With a Wooden Leg

2011-10-30T08:40:00.000-07:00

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.

A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you should really look the part.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint.

The next day he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads:

Dear Sir,
We have TRIED our very BEST.
Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts.

Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your Wooden Leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

You've Been Selected for the 2011 Search Who's Who Among Executives and Professionals

2011-10-28T16:09:00.000-07:00

Subject: You've Been Selected for the 2011 Search Who's Who Among Executives and Professionals
Sent by: ProfessionalBiographies
Sent Via Email Address: info@dgconnected.com
Determination: Scam like all of the other Who's Who directory spam email rip offs

Hi,

You were recently appointed as a biographical candidate for inclusion in the prestigious 2011 "Search Who’s Who" directory of accomplished executives and professionals.

We are pleased to inform you that on October 28th your candidacy was formally approved by Professional Biographies. Congratulations!

The office of the Managing Director appoints individuals based upon a candidate’s current position and also focuses on information obtained from researched executive and professional listings. Given your background, the Director thinks that you may make an interesting biographical subject for online publication.

There is NO COST nor obligation to be certified by Professional Biographies and listed in the 2011 “Search Who’s Who” directory.

After receiving verification, we will validate your registry listing within seven business days. Once finalized, your profile will share prominent registry space with thousands of fellow accomplished individuals across the globe - each representing accomplishments within their own geographical area.

Your prompt response is needed to ensure your correct professional information. Upon final confirmation, you will also receive a Personal Website.

Click here to verify your information, accept the candidacy in Search Who’s Who and receive your Personal Website (including your professionally written biography).

Our registration deadline is November 30th, 2011.

To ensure you are included, we must receive your verification on or before this date. On behalf of our Committee, I salute your achievement and look forward to welcoming you to our association.

Benjamin Morrison
Editor in Chief

244 5th Ave, Suite B279
New York, NY 10001

To no longer receive email notifications, please visit here .

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Mother Lion Rescues Baby Lion Cub Pictures and Story

2011-10-28T14:56:00.000-07:00

Clinging on for dear life to the side of a vertical cliff, the tiny lion cub cries out pitifully for help.

His mother arrives at the edge of the precipice with three other lionesses and a male. The females start to clamber down together but turn back daunted by the sheer drop.

Eventually one single factor determines which of them will risk her life to save the youngster - motherly love.

The drama begins: The mother arrives at the edge of the cliff as her son cries out for rescue after being trapped when he slipped.

On the brink: Four lionesses look over the edge before aborting their rescue mission because of the sheer drop.

Slowly, agonizingly, the big cat edges her way down towards her terrified son, using her powerful claws to grip the crumbling cliff side.

One slip from her and both animals could end up dead at the bottom of the ravine.

Just as the exhausted cub seems about to fall, his mother circles beneath him and he is snatched up in her jaws.

She then begins the equally perilous journey back to the top. Minutes later, they arrive and she gives the frightened creature a consoling lick on the head.

The dramatic rescue, captured by wildlife photographer Jean-Francois Largot, was played out in Kenya's Masai Mara game reserve.

Despite the presence of wardens to deter poachers, day-to-day life for the lions is not without its dangers, as the cub learned the hard way.

Rescue mission: The mother inches her way down the cliff face to rescue the terrified cub before locking him in her jaws and making her way back up the cliff face.

Motherly love: The mother gives her son a lick to say that all is well in the pride following the drama.

Punjabi lawyer wrote to his wife in India about kisses - funny story

2011-10-25T10:29:00.000-07:00

A Punjabi lawyer working in UK wrote to his wife in India:

Dear Sunita Darling,

I can't send you my salary this month because the global market crisis has affected my Company's performance, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart, please adjust.

Your loving husband,
Tuna Singh

His wife replied...

TINKU KE PAPPA,

Thanks for the 100 kisses. Below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses:

1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.

2. The electricity man, Kooldip Singh, agreed not to disconnect only after 7 kisses.

3. Your landlord Kapal Singh comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the monthly rent.

4. Supermarket owner Jaswant Singh did not accept kisses only, so I gave him other items, I hope you understand..

5. Miscellaneous expenses 40 kisses.

Please don't worry about me, I still have a balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can survive the month using this balance. Shall I plan the same for the next month?

Your Sweet Heart,
Kichi

Pecker Bridge - Funny Dirty Picture

2011-10-24T07:52:00.000-07:00

Apparently no one considered the sun when designing this wall...

Anyone want to take a guess where this wall is located? It is at Saint Peter's Basilica. Now, I don't care who you are, THAT'S funny!

Socially Unacceptable Humor - Bad and Dirty Jokes

2011-10-24T07:25:00.000-07:00

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend...yet.

Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should change dentists?

A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening".

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.

At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa !!!

One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing commonly found in cells. It appears that Mexicans is not the correct answer either.

There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.

You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.

A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a mustache."

Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook. I said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 4,000 dumb ass Muslims have added me as a friend!!

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular people-porn, you sick bastard.

The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.

Irish Funeral: Wife Mother in Law and Dog Joke

2011-10-24T07:21:00.000-07:00

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.

Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity.

He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said:

"I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My wife's!"

"What happened to her?"

"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

The man replied, "Get in line."

Anger Management: Funny Way on How To Deal With Assholes

2011-10-11T06:24:00.000-07:00

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't like.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Chris, could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f**ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up. When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "asshole calling" would have to stop

So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from Verizon I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window that included his phone number, so I wrote down the number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is", he said.

"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.

"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.

"Hello."

"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"Asshole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2. "Hello?" he said.
"Hello, asshole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down on Mowbray Blvd.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew. NOW I feel much better. Anger management really works.

Re: Payment Notification - Nigerian Email Scam

2011-10-10T09:41:00.000-07:00

Subject: Re: Payment Notification:
Sent by: MRS FARIDA WAZIRE.
Sent Via Email: ofice-nigeria@hotmail.com
Determination: It's a Nigerian scam for either phishing or just to steal your money

Re: Payment Notification:

We are writhing to know if it's true that you are DEAD? Because we received a notification from one MR. Bob Chantler of USA stating that you are DEAD and that you have giving him the right to claim your funds. He stated you died on a CAR accident. He has been calling us regarding this issue, but we cannot proceed with him until we confirm this by not hearing from you after 2 days. Be advised that we have made all arrangements for you to receive and confirm your funds without anymore stress, and without any further delays.

All we need to confirm now is your been DEAD Or still Alive. Because this MAN'S message brought shock to our minds. And we just can't proceed with him until we Reconfirm if this is a reality OR not But if it happened we did not hear from you after 2 days, then we say: MAY YOUR SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE"

YOUR JOY AND SUCCESS REMAINS OUR GOAL.

May the peace of the Lord be with you wherever you may be now.

Your Faithfully,
Mrs. Farida Waziri

My Job Search Resume – Funny Jokes

2011-10-10T06:01:00.000-07:00

1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I couldn't concentrate so I got canned.

2. Then I worked as a Lumberjack, but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

3. After that, I tried being a Tailor, it was a sew-sew job and I wasn't suited for it.

4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.

5. Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme.

6. Next, I attempted being a working in a deli, but anyway I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

7. My best job was a Musician, but they said I wasn't noteworthy.

8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but didn't have any patience.

9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory, tried hard but just didn't fit in.

10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but I couldn't live on my net income.

11. Managed to get a good job working as a plumber, but the work was just too draining.

12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian – but there was no future in it.

14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but had to quit because it was the same old grind.

15. So, I tried retirement - and I found I’m perfect for the job - love it!

Deactivation of This Email Address - Dangerous Email Hijacking Phishing Attempt

2011-10-09T13:08:00.000-07:00

Subject: Deactivation of This Email Address.
Sent by: System Administrator
Sent Via Email Address:notification@admin.info
Determination: This is an obvious attempt to get you to supply your password so your email address can be taken over for at least spamming if not complete identity theft. Do not respond to such emails ever!

THIS MESSAGE IS FROM OUR TECHNICAL SUPPORT TEAM This message is sent automatically by the computer.

If you are receiving this message it means that your email address has been queued for deactivation; this was as a result of a continuous error script (code:505)received from this email address.
To resolve this problem you must reset your email address. In order to reset this email address, you must reply to this e-mail by providing us the following Information for confirmation.

Email User Name : { }
Current Email Password : { }
Re-confirm Password: { }

Note: Providing a wrong information or ignoring this message will resolve to the deactivation of This Email Address.

You will continue to receive this warning message periodically till your email address is been reset or deactivated

Uncorrupted philosopher wanted - I want to be loved - could it be you? Spam email

2011-10-07T07:10:00.000-07:00

The same Email was just received with 3 different subjects and 3 different greetings:

Subject: Uncorrupted philosopher wanted
Subject: I want to be loved
Subject: Could it be you

All these emails showed my email address as the sender!

Greeting 1: bonjour sweetest one!
Greeting 2: Hola my beloved!
Greeting 3: how do you do handsome?

The reduction of the universe to a single being, the expansion of a single being even to God, this is love.

Hello Honey! I would like to tell you a bit about myself.

I'm tall with a middle figure.

I have long blond, very beautiful hair, small nice nose, perfect lips and big blue eyes.

I am a sociable easy going person, so I like meeting friends, going out, have fun and new something interesting.

I'm looking for a strong relations with a caring and smart man!

I am really tired of all these temporary relations.

I would like to find a man who will be able to estimate not only my beauty, but also my brain and my soul...

I want him to kind and handsome, brave and tender, romantic and honest.
my site: www.findyourlove.in

Mister he Best Man, bye for now

Vally

These emails are starting to come in and are coming from the same spammers:

Subject: I am in the mood for new you

ciao, well-beloved!

Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other.

www.matchforyou.ru

Hello sweetheart!
I'm very fragile, delicate girl.
Have hazelnut color eyes, thin lips and beautiful little nous, dark-cherry hair with shortcut like a boy.
Have ear piercing.

Actually I'm not very romantic person.
Usually I have to be strict in the office cause I have a management position.
But when I'm at home I like to relax a little, and to be subordinated to someone.
It is so hard to be strong business woman all the time.

I want to find a man who will be able to protect me and make my life easier!
I would like to meet my beloved one, special one, best friend and loving person, who is merry, kind, tender, affectionate and liberal.

Mister Perfect, bye for now

Kindly acknowledge receipt of this mail – Scam spam email sent by Mr. Peter Lee

2011-10-04T08:43:00.000-07:00

Subject: Kindly acknowledge receipt of this mail
Sent by: Mr.Peter Lee.
Sent Via Email: petrlllee@gmail.com
Determination: This spam email is a total scam. Interesting it is sent from a free Gmail account but looking for a response to a free yahoo email account. Interesting spelling mistakes.

Greetings,

My sincere apologies if this letter causes any form of Irritation or embarrassment or,i would want to demand a high level of maturity from you while reading this letter. I got your reference in my search for someone who suits my proposed business relationship.

I am proposing a very high profiled business transaction to you with returns very lucrative. In the pursuit of this business, it involves huge specific amount that i can't mention here for security reasons. I will eed you to assist me in executing a business project from Hong Kong to your country.

Everything concerning this transaction shall be legally done without hitch. Please endeavour to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning this issue.
If you feel you can handle this project, please let me know so that i send you attached comprehensive details of this transaction. I will prefer you reach me on my private email address (petrllee1954@yahoo.com.hk) you would be given more information upon your response to this correspondence.

Once again my apologies if this letter cause any form of embarrassment to your personality. Please if you are not interested delete this email and do not hunt me because i am putting my career and the life of my family at stake with this venture, although nothing ventured is nothing gained.

Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated but if you are not interested delete this email immediately.

Regards,

Mr.Peter Lee.

From Brigadier General Koffi Gadawi from Lybia - Scam Spam Email

2011-10-01T16:40:00.000-07:00

Subject: From Brigadier General Koffi Gadawi from Lybia
Sent by: BRIGADIER GENERAL KOFFI GADAWI
Sent Via Email: iddo.transitt022@gmail.com
Determination: typical scam email: "you send me money and I send you lots" although the "lots" never comes

Dear Friend,

My name is Brigadier General Koffi Gadawi from Lybia, currently serving in the Lybia Army. I am the general officer commanding Monrovia Military cantonment, which conflit is going on. The bombs and other armories seized during the Liberia civil war and the Cameroon war exploded and burnt buildings including the senior officers quarters where I was resided. I am mailing from my hotel room where I checked in with my family, of which if things returns to normal we will move back to the cantonment.

I have lodged in Cotonou, Benin Republic cash of US$12.6M deposit with a security and finance company. This money was supposed to be for the first quarter of the federal impress which comes to the army quarterly every year. I have achieved this with the help of my special military intelligent officer who is the only person aware of this transaction. Claims had already been made by the cantonment that this money due to the late arrival last Friday before the Fight explosion, could not be taken to the bank even though I did. As a result of that conflit, the building where this money was kept burnt.

Please ensure you keep this transaction secret, as I have trust on you.

Send me your fax and telephone/mobile numbers so that we will conclude how we will follow the transaction as soon as possible.

This matter should be treated urgent and confidential. Reply to:bgenkoffigadawii@gmail.com

Thanks.

Brigadier General Koffi Gadawi
Lybia.
Email: bgenkoffigadawii@gmail.com

Blonde driver with a 710 problem - funny joke

2011-10-01T16:21:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred- ten.

We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred- ten?'

She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one..'

She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.

The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.

She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 7I0. He then took her over to a car just like hers which had its hood up and asked 'is there a 7I0 on this car?'.

She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.' the mechanic fainted

If you're not sure what a 7I0 is here it is:

How Would You Fix the Economy? The Fix - Political Joke.

2011-10-01T15:51:00.000-07:00

There recently was an article in the St. Petersburg, Fl. Times. The Business Section asked readers for ideas on: "How Would You Fix the Economy?" I think this person nailed it!

Dear Mr. President,
Please find below my suggestion for fixing America's economy. Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the "Patriotic Retirement Plan":

There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.
2) They MUST buy a new AMERICAN Car. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.
3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed.

It can't get any easier than that!

PS: If more money is needed, have all members in Congress pay their taxes. Mr. President, while you are at it, make Congress retire on Social Security and Medicare. I will bet both programs would be fixed immediately!

Best thing I have heard yet...From a senior citizen around 80 years old. We are not useless yet.

A Mastercard Wedding - A Funny Wedding Story Joke

2011-09-25T07:23:00.000-07:00

You got to love this guy. This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it.

It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.

He especially wanted to thank the bride's family and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.

As a token of his deep appreciation, he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him.

So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party was an envelope.

He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.

Inside each manila envelope was an 8 x 10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man.

The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.

After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, 'F---you!' Then he turned to his bride and said, 'F--- you!'

Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, 'I'm outta here.'

He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.

While most people would have cancelled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong.

His revenge--making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300-guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.

This guy has balls the size of church bells.

Do you think we might get a MasterCard 'priceless' commercial out of this?

Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends: $32,000

Wedding photographs commemorating the Occasion: $3,000

Deluxe two-week honeymoon accommodation in Maui : $8,500.

The look on everyone's face when they see the 8 x 10 glossy of the bride humping the best man: Priceless.

There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD

A MasterCard Wedding

An Afghan Taliban Figher in the Desert, a Jew and a Tie Joke

2011-09-21T17:23:00.000-07:00

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand, selling ties.

The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5."

The Taliban shouted, "You Idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie...I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"

"OK," said the little old Jewish man, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you want...Shalom."

Cursing, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later, he staggered back, almost dead, and said:
"Your brother won't let me in without a tie...”

Lawyer/Attorney Accident Joke

2011-09-19T06:26:00.000-07:00

A very successful attorney parked his brand new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out, a truck came along too closely and completely tore off the driver's door.

Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus with his lights flashing.

Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the attorney started screaming hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had just purchased the day before, was completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how any car body shop tried to make it new again.

After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It was severed when the truck hit you!"

"OH, MY GOD!" screamed the lawyer "My Rolex!"

Childbirth and Baby with a 65 Year Old Mom– Funny Mother Joke

2011-09-19T06:09:00.000-07:00

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth and be a mom.

When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.

'May I see the new baby?' I asked

'Not yet,' she said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.'

Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'

'No, not yet,' She said.

After another few minutes had elapsed,

I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'

'No, not yet,' replied my friend.

Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'

'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.

'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'

'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!

Once Again Thanks For Contributing To Our Financial Success!!! - scam spam email

2011-09-10T07:43:00.000-07:00

Subject: Once Again Thanks For Contributing To Our Financial Success!!! -
Sent Via Email Address: info@allianceglobal.com
Sent by: Alliance Global Lottery
Determination: scam spam email

Alliance Global Lottery
PROMOTIONS DEPARTMENT UK.
REF:MICRO-ALLIANCE/315116127/27
BATCH No:15/623/UK.
Registered Lottery No: 220949.

We hereby announce the official notification of the results of the Alliance Global Lottery Financial Promotions held this Month in which your e-mail address emerged winner.Your e-mail address attached to ticket number 883734657492-5319 with serial number 7263-267, batch number 8254297137,lottery ref number 7336065782 and drew lucky numbers 14-22-28-37-40-44 which consequently won you the cash prize in the 1st category, you have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay out of ?750,000.00 (i.e Seven Hundred And Fifty Thousand United Kingdom Pounds).Please note that this Promotional Program tagged "Thanks for contributing to our financial Success" was sponsored and organized by the Alliance Global Lottery Corporation in view of the Financial benefits Alliance Global have received from its numerous customers either through adverts, hosting and personal emails.

The reason this lottery was organized is to thank the numerous public including users and non-users of INTERNET for the financial benefits THE Alliance Global CORPORATION have received as a result of their Patronage last Year.This Lottery is approved and licensed by the International Association of Gaming Regulators (IAGR). This lottery is the first of its kind organized by Alliance Global Lottery

In view of this, your seven hundred and fifty thousand United Kingdom Pounds (??750,000.00) would be released to you by the claims office here in UK. The reason this lottery was organized is to thank the numerous public including users and non-users of YAHOO! MAIL for the financial benefits THE Alliance Global Lottery CORPORATION have received as a result of their Patronage last Year.

For processing and remittance of your winnings, Beneficiaries who have previously received this notification letter are advised to once again contact their assigned Remittance Director with his new email address below;

Contact Info:
Mr.James Lamb
Yahoo Office
Remittance Director
Alliance Global Lottery Promotions Unit.
44 Moor fields London EC2Y 9AL UNITED KINGDOM
Email: www.nbnyc-online@w.cn

APPLICATION FOR PRIZE CLAIM
(Receipt Official Notification Letter)

FULL NAMES................................
CONTACT ADDRESS......................
COUNTRY....................................
SEX:...........................................
AGE............................................
MARITAL STATUS.........................
OCCUPATION..............................
NATIONALITY.............................
TELEPHONE NUMBER....................
HAVE YOU A PASSPORT OR LICENSE(Proof Of Identity):
BATCH NUMBER. ........................
REFERENCE NUMBER...................

Once Again Thanks For Contributing To Our Financial Success!!!

Yours Sincerely,
Steve Ballmer
Chief Executive Officer
Alliance Global Lottery Corporation

Great Benefits: Scam Spam Email

2011-09-10T07:37:00.000-07:00

Sunbject: --Great Benefits--
Sent by Email: Phillips
Sent Via Email: maury@pocos-net.com.br

Hello

My name is Bill Phillips, Attorney at law. I have a client with intical surnames as you, recently deceased, who has left behind a huge financial asset.

I have been given an ultimatum from the bank to provide them with a surviving family member, but have not had any success after several attempts in contacting his embassy.

I would like to present you as a surviving family member which would allow you to claim the funds left behind by my client. If you are interested, please contact me with your full name and a valid phone number.

Kind Regards,
Bill Phillips

The Health Hazards and Dangers of Ice

2011-09-10T07:27:00.000-07:00

When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.

When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.

When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.

Apparently, ice is really bad for you.

Please warn all your friends.

Security FAQ - Fake Paypal email scam for phishing

2011-08-03T15:30:00.000-07:00

Subject: Security FAQ

Sent Via Email Address: service@paypal.com

Determination: Scam email sent by recent person who I bought something from on Ebay as it uses a specially coded email address that could only be used by someone who I bought something from eBay from and was paid by PayPal. The scam PayPal phishing attempt was forwarded to Spoof@Paypal.com which is where you should send all fake paypal emails (after posting them here if they are different from the scam paypal email above)

Hello (((My Name Removed))),

As part of our security measures, we regularly screen activity in the PayPal system. We recently contacted you after noticing an issue on your account.

We requested information from you for the following reason:

A recent review of your account determined that we require some additional information from you in order to provide you with secure service.

Case ID Number: PP-254-697-502

This is a second reminder to log in to PayPal as soon as possible. Once you log in, you will be provided with steps to restore your account access.

Be sure to log in securely by using the following link:

Click here to login and restore your account access (((Link Removed)))

Once you log in, you will be provided with steps to restore your account access. We appreciate your understanding as we work to ensure account safety.

In accordance with PayPal's User Agreement, your account access will remain limited until the issue has been resolved. Unfortunately, if access to your account remains limited for an extended period of time, it may result in further limitations or eventual account closure. We encourage you to log in to your PayPal account as soon as possible to help avoid this.

To review your account and some or all of the information that PayPal used to make its decision to limit your account access, please visit the Resolution Center. If, after reviewing your account information, you seek further clarification regarding your account access, please contact PayPal by visiting the Help Center and clicking "Contact Us".

We thank you for your prompt attention to this matter. Please understand that this is a security measure intended to help protect you and your account. We apologize for any inconvenience.

Thanks,

PayPal Account Review Department

Please do not reply to this email. This mailbox is not monitored and you will not receive a response. For assistance, log in to your PayPal account and click the help link in the top right corner of any PayPal page.

----------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright © 1999-2011 PayPal. All rights reserved.

PayPal Email ID PP522

Fake Paypal address this would have gone to if I clicked: http://www.paypal.com.xe9gia8ue1n6eqs2e6rx.005yz7runweup48my1.com/cgi-bin/webscr/?login-dispatch&login_email=((( MY EMAIL ADDRESS )))&ref=pp&login-processing=ok

The PayPal real response:

Dear (((My Name Removed))),

The security of your financial information and transactions is the core of our business and our top priority at PayPal.

PayPal allows you to securely purchase items or send money without divulging your financial information to others. The only information you need to share with others is your email address, no credit card number or bank account number.

In order to protect you, PayPal automatically encrypts your confidential information in transit from your computer to ours using the most advanced encryption technologies.

Once your information reaches us, it resides on a server that is heavily guarded both physically and electronically. Our servers sit behind an electronic firewall and are not directly connected to the internet, so your private information is available only to authorized computers.

We also monitor transactions 24/7 and a team of experts works behind the scenes to help protect you.

The PayPal Security Center offers tips, techniques, and tools on how to stay safe online. For more information, go to https://www.paypal.com/securitycenter or click the "Security Center" link located on any PayPal website page.

Thank you for using PayPal!
The PayPal Team

Please do not reply to this e-mail. Mail sent to this address cannot be answered.

Next response from PayPal:
Hello Christopher Hibbard,

Thanks for forwarding that suspicious-looking email. You're right - it was a phishing attempt, and we're working on stopping the fraud. By reporting the problem, you've made a difference!

Identity thieves try to trick you into revealing your password or other personal information through phishing emails and fake websites. To learn more about online safety, click "Security Center" on any PayPal webpage.

Every email counts. When you forward suspicious-looking emails to
spoof@paypal.com, you help keep yourself and others safe from identity
theft.

Your account security is very important to us, so we appreciate your
extra effort.

Thanks,

PayPal

This email is sent to you by the contracting entity to your User
Agreement, either PayPal Ince, PayPal Pte. Ltd or PayPal (Europe) S.à
r.l. & Cie, S.C.A. Société en Commandite par Actions, Registered Office:
5th Floor 22-24 Boulevard Royal L-2449, Luxembourg RCS Luxembourg B 118
349.

Stir up your libido - spam for counterfeit or worthless drugs

2011-07-30T12:41:00.000-07:00

Subject: Stir up your libido
Sent by: Margarito Bryan
Sent Via Email Address: atr@buffy.tpgi.com.au
Determination: Spam email and most likely is counterfeit or worthless drugs

Are you able to maintain normal erection enough for a night of sex? I’ll tell you the secret!

Dear (harvested email contact),

Even if your sex life is already rich and fulfilling... Imagine you had a little more energy... if your erections stayed harder... or you could go just a little longer...
Or maybe you worry, when you climb under the covers, that you’re starting something you can’t finish?
Well, now advancements in natural medicine are making it easier than ever to promote a strong libido, firm, natural erections and enhanced desire.

Now thanks to this exciting natural breakthrough, you could get an erection "on demand" and when you do, sustain it long enough – and keep firm enough — to fully satisfy your wife in bed. Even if you’re in your 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s or older!

As a doctor, I’ve learned something over the years that may surprise you — age has very little to do with sex. There are men out there having the best sex of their lives well into their 80th year and beyond.

And those men have three key things in common that their sex starved friends don’t:
Hard, recurring erections...
Heightened desire and stamina...
And a reproductive system that could be functioning at the top of its game...

Lucky? You bet.

But you too could give your body the nutrients it needs to support your entire sexual health.

Slightly reduced level of male hormone testosterone can cause erectile dysfunction in men!

----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> www.emedicineweb.com.ua <<<----------------------------------------------------------------------

Organo Claude medical treatment in Qatar scam spam email

2011-07-27T06:43:00.000-07:00

Email sent by: Organo Claude
Sent Via Email: kedokteran@ums.ac.id
Subject: H
Determination: Scam, spam, email

Dear Friend,

I am Organo Claude now undergoing medical treatment in Qatar; I worked with the British Oil and gas Corporation in East London for over a decade I was married for fifteen years without a child while we lived in the uk.My wife died after a brief illness that lasted for two weeks in london, I vowed to use my wealth for the down trodden and the less privileged in the society.Since the doctor's has confirmed my situation that I will not live that long I have decided to give out my money to the Poor. Deposited the sum of 62 Million GBP (sixty two Million Great British Pounds Sterling) with my Bank which is in a fixed deposit, Presently this money is still there. Recently, my Doctor's told me that I would not last 17 days due to cancer problem.Though what disturbs me most is my stroke, having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to an individual or better still a God fearing person who will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct here in.

I want an individual that will use this to fund and provide succor to the poor and indigent persons, orphanages, and above all those affected in the Tsunami in far Asia and the Hurricane Katrina Disasters. I understand that blessed is the hand that giveth, I took this decision because I do not have any child that will inherit this money and my relatives are not inclined to helping poor people and I do not want my hard earned money to be misused or spent in the manner that I would not like, and I also do not want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner. Hence the reason for taking this bold decision, I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Almighty. I do not need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health, and because of the presence of my relatives always around me, I do not want them to know about this new development at this point I regard this as been confidential.

Thank you and May the almighty God bless you till i hear form you.

Regards,
Organo Claude.

Twenty Dollars – Sex Joke

2011-07-27T06:39:00.000-07:00

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked or $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he would be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he had been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bankbook which showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank, which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that for more than three decades she had 'charged' him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'if I’d had any idea what you were doing, i would have given you all my business!'

That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut.

Amazingly simple home remedies:

2011-07-27T06:31:00.000-07:00

Everyone will love these practical and simple home remedies

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

2. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

3. For high blood pressure sufferers , simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.

4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.

6. You only need two tools in life - wd-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the wd-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

7. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

URGENT PLEASE- scam spam email

2011-07-22T16:24:00.000-07:00

Subject: URGENT PLEASE

Sent By: Dr Godwin Ben.

Sent Via Email: officefile12357@cantv.net

Determination Scam spam email.

Attention Please,

Please if you really want your fund to be pick up to you without delay, Kindly go and send only $67.00 because there is no time to delay regarding the transfer of this your Fund, it is good to be good, the lord said that many are called but few are chosen, do listing to anything that I told you because it must surely come to happen, Are you ready to pick up this $6000.00 sent today.

We have concluded to effect your payment through western union$6000.00 daily until the sum $800.000.00 is completely transferred. Meanwhile, I am Dr Godwin Ben. Has western union $6000.00 in your name today. So contact US Western union Agent to pick up this $6000 now: Contact person :( Dr Godwin Ben) .TEL: +229-99473544 E-mail: (westernuiontrs@w.cn )

You should be wondering why am telling you all this, and I pray that ,By the name of Jesus Christ, you should get what ever things you want and God shall supply all your need as stated by his riches in glory through Christ Jesus «Philippines 4 Vs 19, please go ahead to send the money $67.00 only, it is only this $67.00 hold your fund to be set free to you in your country, because I have make all the necessary arrangement to set free your fund total $800,000.00usd to you, I can not deceive you at all because of $67.00 but am only telling you the truth because my Bible say that I am the truth and the life and also "he emphasis that only truth can save, that is the reason why I keep on telling you to go and send the money and receive your fund,

Here is the payment information which you will use to send the $67.00 immediately below is.

Receive Name: Abraham Obioma
Country: Benin Republic
City: Cotonou,
Text Q: How Long?
Answer: 3Hours.
Amount: $67.00
Senders Name:.....
MTCN Number:………

Do not worry about, everything is getting to be OK! .We are waiting to receive the information as soon as possible. Yours in service

Best Regards And God Bless.

Dr Godwin Ben.
Federal western union Federal republic of Benin

Girl at the beach

2011-07-22T14:32:00.000-07:00

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around and then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off. But occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something that she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed that she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure, they decided to just continue watching her.

After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?" He hadn't and said so.

Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing."

Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man then walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.

"Well, is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly. "No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

"Well, what is it then? What does she do?" his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said, "She's a battery salesperson."

"Batteries?" cried the wife.

"Yes!" he replied.

OOOOH! You're gonna dislike me for this - But it will make your day!

"She Sells C Cells by the Seashore!"

Asia/Cn domain name and Internet Keyword - scam spam email

2011-06-28T06:55:00.000-07:00

Subject: Asia/Cn domain name and Internet Keyword
Sent By: John
Sent Via Email: john@ygnetworkltd.com
Determination: Old scam to scare you to buying domain names you don't need. Avoid feeding sopamers and scammers!

Dear Manager:
This email is from China domain name registration center, which mainly deal with the domain name registration and dispute internationally in China and Asia.

On June 7th 2011, We received Tianhua Ltd's application that they are registering the name " (My Harvested Domain Name) " as their Internet Keyword and " (My Harvested Domain Name) .cn "?" (My Harvested Domain Name) .com.cn ", " (My Harvested Domain Name) .asia "domain names etc.., It is China and ASIA domain names. But after auditing we found the brand name been used by your company.
As the domain name registrar in China, it is our duty to notice you, so I am sending you this Email to check. According to the principle in China, your company is the owner of the trademark, In our auditing time we can keep the domain names safe for you firstly, but our audit period is limited, if you object the third party application these domain names and need to protect the brand in china and Asia by yourself, please let the responsible officer contact us as soon as possible. Thank you!

Best Regards,

John

Oversea marketing manager
Shanghai Office (Head Office)
3002, Nanhai Building, No. 854 Nandan Road,
Xuhui District, Shanghai 200070, China
Tel: +86 216191 8696
Mobile: +86 136615 29704
Fax: +86 216191 8697
Web: www.ygnetworkltd.com

The Other Stall - Restroom Joke - Funny Story

2011-06-27T13:32:00.000-07:00

Traveling down the interstate and needing to use the restroom, I stopped at a rest area and headed to the restroom.

"Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom and I don't know what got into me, But I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doing just fine!" and the other person says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!" ??

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. "Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them: "No..I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the person say nervously..."Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions

Cell phones, don't you just love 'em !

May you always have love to share, health to spare and friends that care!
The one thing "bad days" have over "good days," is that "bad days" are completely optional.

From British High Commission Head Office. you can call, Phone: +2348065434240

2011-06-26T14:46:00.000-07:00

Subject: From British High Commission Head Office. you can call, Phone: +2348065434240
Sent by: Mr. Robert James Jones
Sent Via EMail Address: mr.robertjamesjones@yahoo.webair.com
Determination: Scam spam Email looking to embezzle from you or Phishing attempt for identity theft.

British High Commission
Metro Plaza, Plot 991/992a
Zakari Maimalari
Cadastral Zone AO,
Central Business District,
Phone:+2348065434240
213.210.245.26
Email= bhightcommission@gmail.com

Attention Please,

You are listed and awarded for payment during the last UN Meeting on how to tackle issues such as scam, natural disasters that just took place in Haiti and other challenges facing the world today, individuals were chosen during the random selection and your email was among the lucky 104 persons to benefit from this compensation exercise. Get back to us as soon as you receive this email for the immediate payment of your awarded compensation funds. On this faithful recommendations, I want you to know that during the last UN meetings held in Cotonou, Benin Repulic, it was alarmed so much by the rest of the world in the meetings on the loss of funds by various foreigners to the scam artists operating in syndicates all over the world today, in other to retain the good image of the country, the president of the Country in collaboration with the UNITED NATION is now paying 104 individuals and victims whose names were chosen randomly to maintain good relationship among nations.

Due to the corrupt and inefficient banking systems in Benin-Republic, the payments are to be made through (Mr. Robert James Jones) BRITISH COMMISSION, through their funding streams such as the Public Diplomacy Fund Project, Bilateral Budget Program, and Returns & Re-integration Fund also under funding assistance by the Central Bank. According to the number of applicants at hand, 84 proved victims has been paid, half of the victims are from the United States, Europe and Asia, we still have more 20 left to be paid their compensations.

Your particulars was mentioned as one of people to benefit from this compensation, you are hereby warned not to communicate or duplicate this message to anyone for any reason for whatsoever, You will receive your compensations payments via an ATM cash able at any ATM center around your country. You will receive further update as soon as you contact me with the following information:

1. Contact telephone number
2. Delivery address.

Send the above information immediately for further directives @ Email= bhightcommission@gmail.com . you can call, Phone: +2348065434240

Yours faithfully,
Mr. Robert James Jones
Phone: +2348065434240

MUTUAL BENEFITS – scam spam email

2011-06-26T14:42:00.000-07:00

Subject: MUTUAL BENEFITS
Sent by: Barr wong Tat Chung
Sent Via EMail Address: wonglawfaim@yahoo.com
Determination: Scam spam Email looking to embezzle from you or Phishing attempt for identity theft.

I am Barrister Wong Tat Chung, a registered Malaysian lawyer. A deceased client of mine, that shares the same last name with you, died as a result of a heart-related condition on March 12th 2007 leaving behind a deposit valued at $17.5 million dollars. His heart condition was due to the death of all the members of his family in the Hurricane Katrina disaster of August, 2005. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hurricane_Katrina for more information.

Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over last 4 years now, I want you to assist in distributing the money left behind by my client before it is confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank. All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this deal through. I guarantee that this will be executed under all legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.
You can also contact me on my private EMAIL:(Barrwongtat@live.com.my)

CONTACT ATM PAYMENT DEPARTMENT - scam spam email

2011-06-26T14:38:00.000-07:00

Subject: CONTACT ATM PAYMENT DEPARTMENT
Sent by: ATM Card
Sent Via EMail Address: infor-office@one.co.il
Determination: Scam spam Email looking to embezzle from you or Phishing attempt for identity theft.

DEAREST FRIEND,

NOW WE HAVE ARRANGED YOUR PAYMENT OF ( USD$2.800,000.00) TWO MILLION EIGHT HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS THROUGH SWIFT CARD PAYMENT CENTER ASIA PACIFIC, THIS CARD CENTER WILL SEND YOU AN ATM CARD WHICH YOU WILL USE TO WITHDRAW YOUR MONEY IN ANY ATM MACHINE IN ANY PART OF THE WORLD, BUT THE MAXIMUM IS FOUR THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED UNITED STATES DOLLARS PER DAY.SO IF YOU LIKE TO RECEIVE YOUR FUND IN THIS WAY,PLEASE LET ME KNOW BY CONTACTING FINANCIAL BANK ATM PAYMENT DEPARTMENT AND ALSO SEND THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION AS LISTED BELOW.

1.FULL NAME.............................
2.ADDRESS WERE YOU WANT THEM TO SEND THE ATM CARD..........................
3.PHONE AND FAX NUMBER.....................................................
4.YOUR AGE AND CURRENT OCCUPATION..........................................
5.ATTACH COPY OF YOUR IDENTIFICATION.......................................
HOWEVER,KINDLY CONTACT THE BELOW PERSON WHO IS IN POSITION TO RELEASE YOUR ATM PAYMENT CARD.

REV DR.MARK DIKE DIRECTOR,
ATM PAYMENT DEPARTMENT
EMAIL:( atm_55@hotmail.fr )
TELEPHONE : +2299 891 4015

THE ATM CARD PAYMENT CENTER HAS BEEN MANDATED TO ISSUE OUT YOUR PAYMENT AND YOU HAVE TO STOP ANY FURTHER COMMUNICATION WITH ANY OTHER PERSON(S) OR
OFFICE(s) TO AVOID ANY HITCHES IN RECEIVING YOUR PAYMENT.NOTE THAT BECAUSE OF IMPOSTORS, WE HEREBY ISSUED YOU OUR CODE OF CONDUCT, WHICH IS (ATM-0411) SO YOU HAVE TO INDICATE THIS CODE WHEN CONTACTING THE CARD CENTER BY USING IT AS YOUR SUBJECT.
REGARDS

Dr.GEORGINA BRUCE DEPARTMENT

Investment claim!! - Scam Spam Email

2011-06-26T14:34:00.000-07:00

Subject:Investment claim!!
Sent by: Mr. Charlie Tan Lee
Sent Via EMail Address: charlielleeyng.ocbc@w.cn
Determination: Scam spam Email looking to embezzle from you or Phishing attempt for identity theft.

Oversea-Chinese Banking Corporation Limited
65 Chulia Street, #29-00 OCBC Centre
Singapore 049513.

Email: address: charlie_ocbc.externalauditor@w.cn

Hello,

Good day to you!

I am a member of the auditing team at OCBC Bank Singapore though you were listed as a beneficiary to the total sum of $26.2M USD (Twenty Six Million Two Hundred Thousand United States dollars) of a deceased who may relate to you (perhaps) in Singapore died couple of years ago in Tsunami tragedy in Indonesia (name withheld for security reasons) he died interstate with no Will or Next of Kin. To maintain the level of security required I have intentionally left out the final details.

I contacted you because you bear the same LAST NAME identity and therefore can present you as the (Next of Kin) to the inheritance claim. I therefore reckoned that you can receive these funds as you are qualified by your last name identity.

I urge you to come forward since I can provide you with the details needed for you to claim the estate/capital so that we can be gratify by you, we intend to offer you 50% and 50% for us as my colleagues and I will do all the crucial part in the bank to have the inheritance claim release to you promptly.

All the legal papers will be processed in your acceptance of this mutual beneficial project, I hereby requested that you kindly forward to my private email (charlie_ocbc.externalauditor@w.cn) a letter of acceptance; your full name, home address, current telephone, passport or driver's license to enable us prepare the necessary bank papers to effect the quick release of the inheritance funds to your nominated bank account

I wait in anticipation for your fullest cooperation.

Sincerely,
Mr. Charlie Lee Yung.

Your Money Transfer Control Number (MTCN)7718952727 – scam spam email

2011-06-26T14:29:00.000-07:00

Subject: Your Money Transfer Control Number (MTCN)7718952727
Sent by:MRS WAKA
Sent Via EMail Address: mail@rusland.net
Determination: Scam spam Email looking to embezzle from you or Phishing attempt for identity theft.

Attn: Beneficiary

This is to notify all our customers about the latest development concerning all the payment that are left in our custody, which yours are inclusive Besides, yours where given a bill of $445,in order to receive your payment of which we didn’t hear from you for sometime now....Hence, our Western Union is now offering a Special BONUS to help all our customers that are having their payment in our custody due to of prices. In order words we are now requesting that those involve should pay only the sum of $45.00 to receive all their payment abandoned in our custody.

Besides,my dear, these are the opportunity for you and have to comply and your funds shall be transfer to your designated address.But remember that after (3 DAYS) you did not make the payment then we will divert your funds to Government Fund, to avoid problem or we will cancel the payment for this year until next year because this year is not like last year.

Again after (THREE DAYS) we will enter a new project for the year and that is the reason why we decided to help to all our customers before we enter into the new project. So be advise to send the $45.00 immediately so that we will register your payment and for to start receive $5,000.00 as from tomorrow. Be advise that there is no time again for we to call any person on phone unless you will call(+229-982 672 35. After the payment of $45.00 you will start receiving your money every day $5,000.00 through money gram and Western Union $5,000.00 by western union until the full payment of $900,000,00 is completed. So what you will be receiving per day is $10,000.00

Beneficiary name----------------------------
Address--------------------------------
Telephone-----------------------------
Occupation.......................
Country......................
Sex...........................

Contact me with this information's below:
CONTACT PERSON:MR.OBI OBI
TEL: (+229-982 672 35
EMAIL;(www.western.unionheadquatersb@w.cn)

Sender's Name:Ann Short
MTCN...7718952727
Test Question......To whom?
Test Answer...... Customer
Amount........ $5,000.00 USD

Send the money through Western Union Money Transfer with the Information below:

RECEIVER NAME:MGBECHI MICHAEL
COUNTRY............. Cotonou, Benin Republic Text Question...... In God Answer...............We Trust.
Amount...............$45.00. Only.

The moment I receive the payment of $45.00 i will release the first Payment information's of $5,000.00 to you and you will pick up the money And I will send you money. Hoping to hear from you.

MRS WAKA
SECOND FOREIGN OPERATION MANAGER
WESTERN UNION OFFICE
THIS IS OUR CONDUCT CODE (303WUMT)