What would you decide?

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a nasty pile-up on the freeway...You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but...something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.'

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, 'You've got $9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1,000 an inch.'

The man perks up at this. 'So,' the doctor says, 'it's for you to decide how many inches you want.. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before,and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.'

The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day.'So,' says the doctor, 'have you spoken with your wife?'

'I have,' says the man.

'And has she helped you in making the decision?'

'Yes, she has,' says the man.

'And what is it?' asks the doctor.

'We're getting granite countertops.'

COMPENSATION - scam email spam

(This one seems so real!)
COMPLEMENT OF THE SEASON.

I HOPE THAT THIS MAIL FIND YOU IN AN EXCELLENT CONDITION OF HEALTH.
I?M HAPPY TO INFORM YOU ABOUT MY SUCCESS IN GETTING THOSE FUNDS TRANSFERRED UNDER THE CO-OPERATION OF A NEW PARTNER FROM PARAGUAY. PRESENTLY I'M IN PARAGUAY, FOR INVESTMENT PROJECTS WITH MY OWN SHARE OF THE TOTAL SUM.

MEANWHILE I DIDN'T FORGET YOU?RE PAST EFFORTS AND ATTEMPTS TO ASSIST ME IN TRANSFERRING THOSE FUNDS DESPITE THAT IT FAILED US SOME HOW.
NOW CONTACT MY SECRETARY IN NIGERIA HER NAME IS MISS. VIVIAN OBI AND HER EMAIL ADDRESS IS, )vivianobi19(at)yahoo.com(, ASK HER TO SEND YOU THE BANK DRAFT TOTAL $1,000,000 WHICH I KEPT FOR YOUR COMPENSATION FOR ALL YOUR PAST EFFORTS AND ATTEMPTS TO ASSIST ME IN THIS MATTER.

I APPRECIATED YOUR EFFORTS AT THAT TIME VERY MUCH .SO FEEL FREE AND GET IN TOUCH WITH MY SECRETARY MISS. VIVAN OB AND INSTRUCT HER WHERE TO SEND THE AMOUNT TO YOU.

PLEASE DO LET ME KNOW IMMEDIATELY YOU RECEIVE IT SO THAT WE CAN SHARE THE JOY AFTER ALL THE SUFFERINGS AT THAT TIME. I'M VERY BUSY HERE BECAUSE OF THE INVESTMENT PROJECTS WHICH ME AND THE NEW PARTNER ARE HAVING AT HAND, FINALLY, REMEMBER THAT I HAD FORWARDED INSTRUCTION TO MY SECRETARY ON YOUR BEHALF TO RECEIVE THOSE MONEYS FEEL FREE TO GET IN TOUCH WITH MISS. VIVIAN OBI SHE WILL SEND THE AMOUNT TO YOU WITHOUT ANY DELAY.

I WILL LIKE YOU TO KEEP ME POSTING.

WITH BEST REGARDS,

MR JEFF EZE