St. Peter and the ducks in heaven - funny joke

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says,'We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!'

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, There are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, And although they try their best to avoid them, The first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to Spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'

The next day the second woman steps accidentally on a duck And along comes St. Peter, Who doesn't miss a thing, with him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together With the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, Not wanting to be chained For all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months Without stepping on any ducks, But One day St.Peter comes up to her With the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on .... Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says,'I wonder what I did to deserve being Chained to you for all of eternity?'

The guy says,'I don't know about you, But I stepped on a Duck.

George Bush Juniors clock

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never Moved, indicating that she never told a lie".

"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire Life."

"Where's George Bush Juniors clock?" asked the man.

"George Bush Juniors clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."