Best Tech Support Customers Jokes

Tech  support:    What kind of computer do you have?
Customer:    A  white one...

Tech  support:    Click  on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer:    Your left or my left?

Customer:    Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find  printer'.  I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it..

Tech  support:    What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer:    A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

Customer:   My keyboard  is not working anymore.
Tech  support:   Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer:   No. I can't  get behind the computer.
Tech  support:    Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer:   OK
Tech support:   Did the  keyboard come with you?
Customer:  Yes
Tech support:   That means the keyboard  is not plugged in.

Customer:   I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support:    Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer:   Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech  support:    Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer:   Five dots.

Tech  support:    What  anti-virus program do you use?
Customer:   Netscape.
Tech support:   That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer:   Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer..

Customer:     I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

Tech support:    How may I help you?
Customer:   I'm writing my first email.
Tech support:    OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer:   Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?

This one and the next are our personal favorites: A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support:   Are you running it under windows?
Customer:   'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'

...And last but not least!

Tech  support: 'Okay Bob, let's  press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program  Manager.'
Customer:   I don't have a P.
Tech  support:   On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer:   What do you mean?
Tech support:   'P'.....on  your keyboard, Bob.
Customer:   I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

Memo From IBM About Mouse Balls and Mouse Ball inspectors

Mouse Balls and Mouse Ball inspector

[I do not know how they wrote this with a straight face. This was a real memo sent out by IBM to its employees in all seriousness. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite genuine. The engineers rolled on the floor - especially note the last couple of sentences.]

If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units).Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, a replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls.

Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method.

Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.

It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.

Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.