The Health Hazards and Dangers of Ice

When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.

When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.

When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.

Apparently, ice is really bad for you.

Please warn all your friends.

The Worst Day Of My Life

I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a really big, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, whatcha gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can’t stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my old lady in bed with the gardener, and then my dog bit me."

"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I managed to buy a drink with all the money I had, right down to my last dime, dropped a capsule in it and was sitting here watching the poison dissolve. Then you, you asshole, show up and drink the whole thing!

But enough about me, how's your day going?"