Showing posts with label grandmother. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grandmother. Show all posts

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Grandparents' Answering Machine Message and What Grandparents Are

This grandparents' answering machine message and what grandparents are stories are for the grandparents-to-be and those who already are.

Good morning... At present, we are not at home but please leave your message after you hear the beep. beeeeeppp...

If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option from 1 to 5 in order of "arrival" so we know who it is.
If you need us to stay with the children, press 2
If you want to borrow the car, press 3
If you want us to wash and iron your clothes, press 4
If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5
If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6
If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered to your home, press 7
If you want to come to eat here, press 8
If you need money, dial 9
If you are going to invite us to dinner, or, taking us to the theater start talking. We are listening!"


What Is A Grandparent? These are the answers taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds. If you are not a grandparent, you will still love this. If you are, it shows how precious the babies are and what we mean to them.

Grandparents are a woman and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people's.

A grandfather is a man, and a grandmother is a lady!

Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them.

They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the
stores and give us money.

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

They show us and talk to us about the colors of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.'

They don't say, 'Hurry up.'

Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

They can take their teeth and gums out.

Grandparents don't have to be smart.

They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?'

When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.

They know we should have snack time before bed time, and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. ''Oh,'' he said, ''she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then when we are done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.''

Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

It' funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Grandma's boyfriend - joke

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?"

Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as
my boyfriend."

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello son, is your Grandma home?"

The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom banging' her boyfriend."

The minister collapsed.

Now, that right there is funny.....I don't care who you are

Monday, July 30, 2007

Little Tony - joke

Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been
playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house
and asked her, "Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the
same room and one is on top of the other?"

She was a little taken aback, but she decided to just tell him the truth.
"It's called sexual intercourse, darling."

Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK," and went back outside to play with the
other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it isn't
called sexual intercourse, it's called Bunk Beds and Jimmy's Mom wants to
talk to you."