Irish Sausages - funny Irish joke

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money. Between them they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!'

Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whiskey.

Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'

Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan. Cheers! '

They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!'

Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in.'

2 beggars on a street in Rome, 1 with a cross, 1 with a star of David - joke

2 beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome, One has a Cross in front of him; the other one is holding the Star of David. Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.

A priest comes by. He stops to observe the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who holds the Cross, but none give to the beggar holding the Star of David.

Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says,"My poor fellow, don't you understand? Italy is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give more money to him just out of spite." Then the priest walked on.

The beggar behind the 'Star of David' turned to the beggar with the Cross and said, "Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing."

California 159 years ago

Do you know what happened this week back in 1850 - 159 years ago?

California became a state.
The State had no electricity.
The State had no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gunfights in the streets.

So basically, it was just like California today; except the women had real breasts and the men didn't hold hands.

2007 and 2008

To all my friends who in 2007 sent me best wishes, chain letters, angel letters
or other promises of good luck if I forwarded the email, well...NONE OF THAT CRAP WORKED!

So for 2008, could you please just send money, beer, porn, chocolate, movie tickets or gasoline vouchers and airline tickets instead?

Thanks a lot!

Reply - Email scam Spam

Sent from Nasrudin Mohd Hashim via email address nash.hashim@hotmail.com to one of our harvested email addresses. This email will be sued on an identity theft phishing attempt or prepayment scam and refers to the 2005 Tsunami disaster in Asia.

Greetings,

I am a Lawyer to late Mr. Andrew Veitch Peck here in Jakarta Indonesia. Andrew Peck has been a licensed REALTOR® since 1983. He became a co-owner of Royal Pacific Realty Group in 1995 and currently serves as its managing broker. Andrew has been an organized real estate volunteer since 1988, serving as president of the Real Estate Board of Greater Vancouver in 2004-2005.

However, I am writing following an opportunity in my office that will be of immense benefit for both of us. I discovered an abandoned sum of $22.1 Million, (Twenty two million one hundred thousand dollars) in an account that belongs to my client Late Mr. Andrew Veitch Peck, an American who unfortunately lost his life in the Tsunami disaster in Thailand 2005.

Furthermore, since the bank got information about his death, they have been expecting his next of kin or relatives to come over and claim his money because the bank cannot release it unless somebody applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in their banking guidelines.

Unfortunately, I learnt that his supposed next of kin being his only daughter died along with him in the Tsunami disaster leaving nobody with the knowledge of this fund behind for the claim. It is therefore upon this discovery that I and one other officials in this bank now decided to make business with you and release the money to you as the next of kin or beneficiary of the funds for safe-keeping and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and we don't want this money to go back into Bank treasury as unclaimed bill.

The banking law and guidelines here stipulates that such money remained after five years the money will be transferred into banking treasury as unclaimed funds.

We will discuss much in details when I do receive your response. Please respond with your personal details and telephone numbers.

Best regards,

Nasrudin Mohd Hashim.

Subject: Contact Our Correspondent Authorized Paying Bank. - phishing scam part 2

(After contacting the Nigerian scammers we got the following email:)

Dear (name removed),

We have finished processing your file and our paying bank will transfer your money to you as soon as you contact them. May I inform you that your money has been insured and this makes it impossible for any body to deduct or tamper with your cash prize until it gets to your account.The board made this rules that guide the lottery program. Now all you need to do is to write an official cash prize transfer application letter to our paying bank for the onward transfer of your cash prize to your account or in whatever manner you want your payment.
We hereby direct you to the paying bank for confirmations on your fund/prize reality of which your Award Prize will be transferred to you accordingly by this Commercial Paying bank (UBS).
You are required to contact the Paying bank

UBS INVESTMENT BANK
E-mail: transfers_ubs.investment(at)yahoo.co.uk
Do so as soon as possible furnishing them with your correct banking informations as well as the form which you filled in your personal information.
The bank will let you know the transfer modalities and also inform you on the best way to have your money ransferred to you. Get back to us for more nformation’s if Necessary as your trusted claims agent and update us here for more competent reason so that imediately your fund has been transferred to you,we must keep record of it for security reasons.
You are therefore advised in your interest to comply with any directives given to you from this office immediately so that the necessary protocols can be observed subsequent to the release of your funds.

I wish you all the best.

Congratulations once more.

Miss Anna Milton.
(Fiduciary Claims Agent.)
+447031930946