New Wine for Seniors - joke

A single glass at night could mean a peaceful, uninterrupted nights sleep. I kid you not.

California vintners in the Napa Valley area,which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir, and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.

It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as PINO MORE

Thought I would share this as I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE!!

Old italian golfing men, wine and the doctor.

An 80-year-old Italian goes to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks,' how do you stay in such great physical condition?'

I'm Italian and I am a golfer,' says the old guy, 'and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a glass of vino, and all is well.'

'Well,' says the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your Father when he died?'

'Who said my Father's dead?'

The doctor is amazed. 'You mean you're 80 years old and your Father's still alive. How old is he?'

'He's 100 years old,' says the Old Italian golfer. 'In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk and had a little vino and that's why he's still alive. He's Italian and he's a golfer, too.'

'Well,' the doctor says, 'that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your Father's Father? How old was he when he died?'

'Who said my Grandfather is dead?'

Stunned, the doctor asks, 'you mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! Incredible, how old is he?'

'He's 118 years old,' says the Old Italian golfer.

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, 'So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?'

'No, No couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today.'

At this point the doctor is close to losing it. 'Getting married!! Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?'

'Who said he wanted to?'

Retirement - joke

I've often been asked, 'What do you folks do now that you're retired?'

Well...I'm fortunate to have a few friends who have chemical engineering backgrounds,
and one of the things we enjoy most is turning beer, wine, bourbon, and martinis into urine.
And, we're pretty damn good at it too!!

There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand.

This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK).

If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest grocery store. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER).

Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should forward this warning to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

Whew! Thank God I found five friends to send this to.

The Accident - Joke

The Accident

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. God works in Mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So.... you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God!"

The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Women are evil.

Shopper: Fine Wine Connoisseurs - wine spam

Dear Valued Customer #864713547 Shopper!

Your Special 4 Seasons Introductory Offer

Get 6 bottles free with the purchase of 6 bottles!

That is 12 Bottles of Premium Wine
Only $4.99 per Bottle

(normal retail average of $16/bottle)

Click Below to Order!
(link removed)
If the above link is not active, please cut and paste the entire address into your browser

With your first order you will receive
our Vintner's Reserve Tabletop Wine Opener...
a $139.95 value -- Absolutely Free!

• The preferred opener for professionals and beginners alike • Will pull a cork in 3 seconds flat • No more mangled or broken corks • No more straining and tugging on unopened bottles • Works on all sizes and types of wine bottles


Click Below to Order!
(link removed)
If the above link is not active, please cut and paste the entire address into your browser

Every wine in our "4 Seasons" selections has been carefully chosen for its quality and value by a team of experienced buyers. Our team travels to the actual wineries around the world, seeking out wines with unique character and depth of flavor.

The full retail value of the wine and the Vintner's Reserve Opener is well over $300!
Everything is yours for just $59.88*.

Click Below to Order!
(link removed)
If the above link is not active, please cut and paste the entire address into your browser

If you love wine, you'll love this offer!

Click Below to Order!
(link removed)
If the above link is not active, please cut and paste the entire address into your browser

Your satisfaction is 100% guaranteed!

*Plus Shipping and tax