Monday, April 7, 2008

one more time please - chain mail

P. U . S . H.


P-----pray
U----until
S----something
H----happens

I need this back... If you'll do this for me... I'll do it for you...

When there is nothing left but God, that is when you find out that God is all you need.

Take 60 seconds and give this a shot! All you do is simply say the following small prayer for the person who sent you this.

Father, God bless all my friends and loved ones in whatever it is that You know they may be needing this day! And may their life be full of your peace, prosperity and power as he/ she seeks to have a closer relationship with you. Amen.

Then send it on to five other people . Within hours you caused a multitude of people to pray for other people. Then sit back and watch the power of God work in your life

cut property tax

SUCCESS!
The 1.35% cap has made great progress in Key Legislative Committees !!!
We need your continued support

EMAIL/Write more committee members by using the "TAKE ACTION" button below.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The 1.35% property Tax Cap is making progress in the House and Senate.

The House Government Efficiency and Accountability Council will soon consider the bill (HB 949). (It has successfully moved out of urban and local affairs! Only one stop left before full House vote).
In addition, the Senate Community Affairs committee will vote yes or no on 4/9 (SB 2190). (It was a major victory to get it on the agenda over the objections of Senate President Ken Pruitt).
These committee votes will be required to move the bills closer to votes by the full House and Senate!

We have made other great progress, thanks to you our grassroots supporter!

In response to our first message, over 2,200 people emailed or mailed over 44,000 messages to key committee members in the House and Senate! One Senator told our Vice-Chair personally that we were very effective.

We have overcome attempts to kill our bills by procedural technicalities and delays.
We are starting to get Senators and Representatives ON THE RECORD for/against our cap.

We have partnered with the Florida Taxpayer Union and contracted with an experienced lobbyist who has helped us compete with the lobbyists of the local governments .
We need more help. Please TAKE ACTION (click button below) to contact more Senate and House Committee members.

Let's keep the pressure on so we can get tax relief this year!

Retiring - Joke

After retiring, I went to the Social Security Office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said "Unbutton your shirt."

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed my Social
Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, "You should have dropped your pants... You might have gotten
disability, too."

Saturday, April 5, 2008

I fish on Fridays - joke

A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?'

The husband thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.'

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Reader glasses for Guatemala - Good Cause

Subject: Reading Glasses
Determination: Not spam but sent as a forwarded personal message to me. This appears to be a great cause and anyone with extra glasses they no longer use should donate them immediately to help the cause. We suggest supporting these people.


Dear Friends - Bill, Megan, Cally and I will be going to Guatemala for a mission trip on June 1st.

We will be staying in a small village called Cidabenique where the mission team will help with construction, have a vacation bible school, a medical clinic and a family blessing clinic and each evening, have a worship service.

God has placed a desire on my heart to take "reader" glasses to the village - hopefully, one pair per family (there are 150 families in Cidabenique).

On my past two trips to Guatemala, it was very touching to watch the faces of the people as they put on a pair of reader glasses and for the first time, could see the words of the Bible or now could see to thread a needle.

If many of you are like me, I have many pairs of these "reader" glasses around my house and don't know what I would do without them. It is my hope that you will help me collect reader glasses in strengths of 1.00, 1.25, or 1.50 or if you are able , donate money so that I can buy the glasses.

It is my prayer that these glasses will make a huge difference in the Guatemalan people's lives and that that they will know the love of Christ through our acts of kindness. Thank you for your help and most of all, thank you for keeping us in your prayers.

Blessings, Amy B.

Matthew 25:40 "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me"

Bill and Amy Broome
8419 Thornbury Ct.
Knoxville, TN. 37919
865-539-0902

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

We have many vacancies for you! - employement spam scam

Hello dear friend!

CG/Financial Service Group is an independent, licensed, bonded and insured finance company, which renders it's service on the Internet.

Our company works since 1998 and we work with the countries from Europe, Asia, America, etc. In each country we have a representative of our company and you can become our representative in your city.

We are obliged to provide with our services on the highest professional level, we appreciate your business. Therefore we are proud to take care of every detail in the finance process, without interfering with your business.

Our aim is to provide reliable completing of transactions via the Internet. When real property (valuable information, software, IT projects, intellectual property etc.) changes hands, there arises a question about safety of the transaction, which our company can give. It is important to both the buyer and the seller.

We solve all the questions concerning finance and law documentation, money bank transfers we also provide security and secrecy of transactions carried out. The high-leveled technologies enable us to instantly react to our clients' rapidly changing requirements.

As all our agents are professionals it allows us to complete transactions in short periods of time without any delays.
Our clients trunsfer from your company 200-300 million dollars per month. Through each representative of our company each month passes 100-200 thousand dollars and this guarantees stable earnings into 500-1000$ in the week with our company.
At this moment our company can propose to you the vacancy of finance manager.

If you have 2-3 free hours per day, you must work with us. Why? Because our company - the most rapidly developed company in the world.

You can invite to the work your friends! Also we guarantee to you that for a good work you will be promoted to a higher post and you will earn more.

If you want learn more about our company and are interested by our vacancy, please feel free to contact us via email:

farmi@km.ru

Kindest regards,

Administrative Director
Robert Hunting

Yiddish Humor

A man called his mother in Florida, "Mom, how are you?"

"Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."

The son said, "Why are you so weak?"

She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."

The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"

The mother answered. "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."

===============================================================

You may remember the old Jewish Catskill comics of Vaudeville days, viz., Shecky Green, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Milton Berle, Henny Youngman, and others. Don't you miss their humor? Not one single swear word in their comedy. Here are some examples:


There was a beautiful young woman knocking on my hotel room door all night! I finally had to let her out.


A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."


I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.


I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!


What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!"


Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.


We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.


She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.


The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.


The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back."
Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"


Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I AM 60!" Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"


A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks,"Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor answers "That's what puzzles me!"


Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears." Doctor: "Don't answer!"


A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."


A bum asked a Jewish fellow, "Give me $10 till payday." The Jewish fellow responded, "When's payday?" The bum said, "I don't know! You're the one that's working!"


Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.


Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.


I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.


The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.


Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.


Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American-Princess horror movie?
A: It's called "Debbie Does Dishes."


Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.


Q: What's a Jewish American Princess's favorite position?
A: Facing Bloomingdales


A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play.
She asks, "What part is it? The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."


Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
A: Under the vacuum cleaner.


Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days!"
"Force yourself," she replied.



Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

What the Hell Happened to Your Face? Photo gallery

What the Hell Happened to Your Face?

All I can say is wow!

Some of these women have been smoking hot for years and now...yuck!

What makes the day interesting. - joke

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and into a shop.

I was only there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

I said to him, "Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break"?

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

I called him a "Nazi. He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires.

So I called him a "doughnut eating Gestapo."

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes.

The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said, "Obama in '08."

I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.

Dear Lucky Winner - spam scam email

Dear Lucky Winner,

Our Ref: ILP/HW 47509/02
Dear Lucky Winner,

We are delighted to inform you that your EMAIL ID attached to ticket number: 275189657/2305 with Serial number 8756-NBUK05 drew the lucky numbers 11 13 26 34 44 48 and bonus ball number 2. You have therefore been approved for a lump sum payout of Nine Hundred and Fifteen Thousand Eight Hundred and Ten Pounds (£915,810.00) in cash credited to file with Ref.NO.BLF/0073883/07. For more informations about your winnings and claim of prize, contact your claim agent with the below PAYMENT PROCESSING FORM filled by you.
-------------------------
Contact Agent Mr.Gavin Wallace
EMAIL: claimsagentofficerp0@googlemail.com
Tel: +44 (070) 4572 2133
-------------------------
PAYMENT PROCESSING FORM
1) MR./MS. :
2) Family Name (Last Name/Surname):
3) Given Name (First Name/Additional Names):
4) Country of Birth:
5) Country of Citizenship:
6) Complete mailing address:
7) City/State:
8) Telephone Number:
Please do not reply to this mail contact your claim agent Mr.Gavin Wallace.
Yours Sincerely,
Anton Brooks(Co-ordinator Online Promo Programme)

I NEED YOUR HONEST ASSISTANCE - spam scam

Dear Friend,

I am Dr. Bernard Okumagba. Director of accounts, Eco Bank plc. A contractor made a deposit valued at USD$18 million since year 2000. Upon maturity, I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply. After a month, we discovered from his contract employers, that the depositor had died. On further investigation, I found out that he died without making a will. However, my proposal is to front you as the next of kin/beneficiary to the deceased Customer of our bank, if this transaction interests you kindly let me know so I can advice you on how we will execute this deal.

You should forward the following information: Your telephone/fax numbers and Residential address which is also needed. You will have to give me the assurance that this money will be intact pending my physical arrival in your country for sharing and disbursement which will be 35% for your assistance 60% will be for us while 5% will be set aside to take care of all expenses that would be incurred by both parties during the course of the transfer. I look forward to your earliest response through my alternative email address below (bennkumm@yahoo.fr) for security reasons.

Regards,
Dr. Bernard Okumagba.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

BABIES FIRST EXAMINATION - joke

BABIES FIRST EXAMINATION

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to
come in for the baby's first exam.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed?

'Breast-fed, she replied.'

'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'

'I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.'