Things that go on in church

One Sunday morning,the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it.

The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Alex."

"Good morning Pastor," he replied, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor, what is this?"

The pastor said, "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear, asked...

"Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:30?"

I NEED YOUR HONEST ASSISTANCE - spam scam

Dear Friend,

I am Dr. Bernard Okumagba. Director of accounts, Eco Bank plc. A contractor made a deposit valued at USD$18 million since year 2000. Upon maturity, I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply. After a month, we discovered from his contract employers, that the depositor had died. On further investigation, I found out that he died without making a will. However, my proposal is to front you as the next of kin/beneficiary to the deceased Customer of our bank, if this transaction interests you kindly let me know so I can advice you on how we will execute this deal.

You should forward the following information: Your telephone/fax numbers and Residential address which is also needed. You will have to give me the assurance that this money will be intact pending my physical arrival in your country for sharing and disbursement which will be 35% for your assistance 60% will be for us while 5% will be set aside to take care of all expenses that would be incurred by both parties during the course of the transfer. I look forward to your earliest response through my alternative email address below (bennkumm@yahoo.fr) for security reasons.

Regards,
Dr. Bernard Okumagba.

Death and Citbank Credit Cards - Funny Story

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today. A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February & March for their annual service charges on her credit card, & added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0, now somewhere around $60.

A family member placed a call to Citibank. Here's the exchange:

Family Member: "I am calling to tell you she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed, and the late fees & charges still apply."
Family Member: "Maybe you should turn it over to collections."
Citibank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
Citibank: "Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau. Maybe both!"
Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?" (I really liked this part!!!!)
Citibank: "Excuse me?"
Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you?...the part about her being dead?"
Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor." (Duh!)
(Supervisor gets on the phone):
Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed, so the late fees and charges still apply."(This must be a phrase taught by the bank!)
Family Member: "Do you mean you want to collect from her estate?"
Citibank: (stammering) "Are you her lawyer?"
Family Member: "No, I'm her great-nephew."
Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given) After they get the fax:
Citibank: "Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."
Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I really don't think she will care."
Citibank: "Well, the late fees & charges do still apply." (What is wrong with these people??!!)
Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"
Citibank: "Yes, that will help."
Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69."
Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on YOUR planet?!