80-year-old lady married for the fourth time

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just got married for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

A little old jewish lady... A Tale of Two Garbage Bags

A Tale of Two Garbage Bags

A little old Jewish lady is walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags and every once in a while a $20 bill comes flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her. 'Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.'

' Vell, you don't say!' says the little old lady.....'I'd best be going back and see if I can still find the ones that I lost.... Thanks for the warning officer!

'Well, now, not so fast,' says the cop. 'How did you get all that money? 'Did you steal it?'

'Oy, no', says the little old lady. You see, my backyard backs up to the lot of Lambeau Field. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in my bushes and right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his schwantz through the bushes, so,I tell them- '$20 or off it comes!'

'Hey, not a bad idea!' laughs the cop. 'OK, well good luck, then! By the way,what's in the other bag?'

'Vell,' says the little old lady, 'I'll tell you........some of those schmucks think I'm bluffing..