Gentle Thoughts for Today - more funny sayings

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement!

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are ' XL.'

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

If you can smile when things go wrong , you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs.'

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf

Wally's Wedding Night - Senior sex joke

At 78 years of age, Wally married Anne, a lovely 25 year old.

Since her new husband is so old, Anne decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected 'knock' on the door.

Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 78 year old groom, ready for action.

They unite as one.

All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Wally.

Again he is ready for more 'action.'

Somewhat surprised, Anne consents for more coupling.

When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but aha you guessed it..... Wally is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action.'

And, once again they enjoy each other

But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Wally.'

Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Anne and says, 'You mean I was here already?'

The moral of the story: Don't be afraid of getting old, senior moments have advantages.

A little old jewish lady... A Tale of Two Garbage Bags

A Tale of Two Garbage Bags

A little old Jewish lady is walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags and every once in a while a $20 bill comes flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her. 'Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.'

' Vell, you don't say!' says the little old lady.....'I'd best be going back and see if I can still find the ones that I lost.... Thanks for the warning officer!

'Well, now, not so fast,' says the cop. 'How did you get all that money? 'Did you steal it?'

'Oy, no', says the little old lady. You see, my backyard backs up to the lot of Lambeau Field. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in my bushes and right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his schwantz through the bushes, so,I tell them- '$20 or off it comes!'

'Hey, not a bad idea!' laughs the cop. 'OK, well good luck, then! By the way,what's in the other bag?'

'Vell,' says the little old lady, 'I'll tell you........some of those schmucks think I'm bluffing..