Pastor and his Congregation

A pastor’s wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the Congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.

After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the Congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the Preacher’s’ expanding salary

A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the clergy man's additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.

After listening to them or about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, 'Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us.

Silence fell on the congregation.

In the back pew, a little old woman struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice, 'Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers.'

The entire congregation said, 'Amen.'

This Will Brighten Up Your Day! – Funny sex story

A young couple joined a new church and the pastor told them, 'We require all new member couples to abstain from sex for one whole month.'

The couple agreed, but after two weeks returned to see the pastor. The wife was crying and the husband was obviously depressed. 'You are back so soon, is there a problem?' inquired the pastor.

'We did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month,' the young man replied sadly. 'The first week we managed to abstain through sheer will power. The second week was terrible and as we began the third week we were powerless.'

The pastor asked what happened. The young man replied, 'My wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and I had my way with her right then and there. 'It was lustful, loud, and passionate. It lasted over an hour and when we were done we were both drenched in sweat.' The pastor lowered his head and said sternly, 'You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church.'

'We understand,' said the young man, hanging his head, 'We're not welcome at Home Depot either.'