A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?'
The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman's boobs are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions'. 'Onions?'
'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'
This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, 'Mom, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?'
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree'.
'A Christmas tree?' 'Yes --- dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.'
Saturday, December 27, 2008
A Violinist in the Metro
How many of us are not seeing the beauty that surrounds us? I am adding the lesson learned from this email to the list of changes I want to implement in the future, and would like to share it with you. Wishing you Happy Holidays and a wonderful New Year...that is surrounded by beautiful things!
A Violinist in the Metro (incognito)!
Who is he?
A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousand of people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.
Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule.
A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk.
A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.
The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.
In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.
No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.
Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston and the seats average $100.
This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of an social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people. The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?
One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?
A Violinist in the Metro (incognito)!Who is he?
A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousand of people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.
Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule.
A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk.
A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.
The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.
In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.
No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.
Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston and the seats average $100.
This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of an social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people. The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?
One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?
THIS IS one of THE REASONS OUR TAX DOLLARS DON'T GO FAR ENOUGH.
(This email has not been determined yet to be true or false)
The following are all actual replies that Detroit women have written on Child Support Agency Forms in the section for listing 'father's details;'or
putting it another way..... Who's ya Daddy? These are genuine excerpts from the forms.
1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was conceived on the same night.
2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.
3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 East Grand Boulevard where I had sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me his phone number? Thanks.
4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.
5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again.
6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.
7. I do not know who the father of my child was as they all look the same to me.
8. Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also boned at the same time.... well, I don't have clue.
9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom .
10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 8956 Miller Ave, mine might have remained unfertilized.
11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.
The following are all actual replies that Detroit women have written on Child Support Agency Forms in the section for listing 'father's details;'or
putting it another way..... Who's ya Daddy? These are genuine excerpts from the forms.
1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was conceived on the same night.
2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.
3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 East Grand Boulevard where I had sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me his phone number? Thanks.
4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.
5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again.
6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.
7. I do not know who the father of my child was as they all look the same to me.
8. Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also boned at the same time.... well, I don't have clue.
9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom .
10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 8956 Miller Ave, mine might have remained unfertilized.
11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.
Tale of two pebbles.
Many years ago in a small Indian village, a farmer had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender. The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the farmer's beautiful daughter. So he proposed a bargain.
He said he would forgo the farmer's debt if he could marry his daughter.
Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the proposal. So the cunning money-lender suggested that they let providence decide the matter. He told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag. Then the girl would have to pick one pebble from the bag.
1) If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her
father's debt would be forgiven.
2) If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven.
3) If she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.
They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer's field. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick a pebble from the bag.
Now, imagine that you were standing in the field. What would you have done if you were the girl? If you had to advise her, what would you have told her?
Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:
1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.
2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the money-lender as a cheat.
3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.
Take a moment to ponder over the story. The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking. The girl's dilemma cannot be solved with traditional logical thinking. Think of the consequences if she chooses the above logical answers.
What would you recommend to the girl to do?
Well, here is what she did ....
The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.
'Oh, how clumsy of me,' she said. 'But ne ver mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked.'
Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the money-lender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely advantageous one.
MORAL OF THE STORY?
Most complex problems do have a solution. It is only that we don't attempt to think. Start your day with this thought provoking story and have a fruitful day.
Have a week filled with positive thoughts and sound decisions.
May God grant us the wisdom to think outside the box.
(I would have just pulled out both pebbles and called out the old coot)
He said he would forgo the farmer's debt if he could marry his daughter.
Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the proposal. So the cunning money-lender suggested that they let providence decide the matter. He told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag. Then the girl would have to pick one pebble from the bag.
1) If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her
father's debt would be forgiven.
2) If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven.
3) If she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.
They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer's field. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick a pebble from the bag.
Now, imagine that you were standing in the field. What would you have done if you were the girl? If you had to advise her, what would you have told her?
Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:
1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.
2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the money-lender as a cheat.
3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.
Take a moment to ponder over the story. The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking. The girl's dilemma cannot be solved with traditional logical thinking. Think of the consequences if she chooses the above logical answers.
What would you recommend to the girl to do?
Well, here is what she did ....
The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.
'Oh, how clumsy of me,' she said. 'But ne ver mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked.'
Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the money-lender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely advantageous one.
MORAL OF THE STORY?
Most complex problems do have a solution. It is only that we don't attempt to think. Start your day with this thought provoking story and have a fruitful day.
Have a week filled with positive thoughts and sound decisions.
May God grant us the wisdom to think outside the box.
(I would have just pulled out both pebbles and called out the old coot)
Thursday, December 25, 2008
the first automobile air-conditioner
The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.
The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.
Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.
They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.
The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.
The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.
Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.
They haggled back and forth for about two hours, and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.
And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max on the controls.
The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.
Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.
They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.
The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.
The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.
Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.
They haggled back and forth for about two hours, and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.
And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max on the controls.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
The Flight - joke
On a Northwest Airways flight from Atlanta , GA , a well attired middle-aged woman found herself sitting next to a man wearing a kippa ("yarmulka" in Yiddish). She called the attendant over to complain about her seating.
"What seems to be the problem, Madam?" asked the attendant.
"You've sat me next to a Jew!! I can't possibly sit next to this strange man. Please find me another seat!"
"Madam, I will see what I can do to accommodate," the attendant replied, "but the flight is virtually full today and I don't know if there is another seat available." The woman shoots a snooty look at the snubbed Jewish man beside her (not to mention the surrounding passengers).
A few minutes later the attendant returned and said, "Madam, the economy and club sections are full, however, we do have one seat in First class." Before the lady had a chance to respond, the attendant continued, "It is only on exceptions that we make this kind of upgrade, and I had to ask permission from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the captain felt that no one should be forced to sit next to an unpleasant person..."
The flight attendant turned to the Jewish man sitting next to her, and said: "So if you'd like to get your things, Sir, I have a comfortable seat for you in First class..."
At this point, the surrounding passengers stood up and gave a standing ovation while the Jewish man walked up to the front of the plane.
The lady then said indignantly, "The Captain must have made a mistake.." To which the attendant replied, "No Ma'am. Captain Cohen never makes a mistake."
"What seems to be the problem, Madam?" asked the attendant.
"You've sat me next to a Jew!! I can't possibly sit next to this strange man. Please find me another seat!"
"Madam, I will see what I can do to accommodate," the attendant replied, "but the flight is virtually full today and I don't know if there is another seat available." The woman shoots a snooty look at the snubbed Jewish man beside her (not to mention the surrounding passengers).
A few minutes later the attendant returned and said, "Madam, the economy and club sections are full, however, we do have one seat in First class." Before the lady had a chance to respond, the attendant continued, "It is only on exceptions that we make this kind of upgrade, and I had to ask permission from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the captain felt that no one should be forced to sit next to an unpleasant person..."
The flight attendant turned to the Jewish man sitting next to her, and said: "So if you'd like to get your things, Sir, I have a comfortable seat for you in First class..."
At this point, the surrounding passengers stood up and gave a standing ovation while the Jewish man walked up to the front of the plane.
The lady then said indignantly, "The Captain must have made a mistake.." To which the attendant replied, "No Ma'am. Captain Cohen never makes a mistake."
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Hong Kong Network Service Company Limited - domain name scam
This is a new version of a domain name scam by DOMAINBOX Group another company from Hong Kong we have previously reported.
These are never real so never send money, personal information, or buy a domain name through these scammers!
Nov 27, 2008
meancash Domain name & Internet keyword
Dear Sir/Madam,
We are Hong Kong Network Service Company Limited which is the domain name register center in Asia. We received a formal application from a company who is applying to register “meancash” as their domain name and Internet keyword on Nov 26, 2008. Because this involves your company name or trade mark so we inform you in no time. If you consider these domain names and internet keyword are important to you and it is necessary to protect them by registering them first, contact us soon.
Kind Regards,
Walt.liu
Tel: + 852-31757931（ext.8051）
Fax: +852-31757932
Email: walt.liu@hknetwork.hk.cn
Hong Kong Network Service Company Limited
Website: www.hknsc.hk
Our response:
This is very bad.
I am willing to pay what it takes to keep them from getting my good name.
Thank you so much for helping me.
Their response:
Thanks for your prompt reply. Domain names were open to be registered all over the world. Now, the aforementioned third party is applying the following domain names and internet keyword:
Domain names as below:
www.meancash.cn
www.meancash.com.cn
www.meancash.hk
www.meancash.tw
www.meancash.jp
www.meancash.kr
www.meancash.asia
Internet keyword as below:
meancash
Once you would like to protect or preserve them by registering ahead due to importance, one valid application form will be sent to start your prior registration. Or we are going to approve the application from the third party if your company does not lay claim to these domains. Please let us know if there is anything more we might be of assistance. Thanks very much and your early reply will be appreciated.
An introduction of Internet Keyword is enclosed for your review.
Regards,
walt
Internet keyword:
It is one of the new accessing way for Internet words. Input the name of company, product, website, industry into IE Address, user can get the destination website directly, do not need the complicated memory Domain Name, website, do not need to remember prefix and postfix of the website, user can surf on internet in a convenient and fast way. Internet keyword is real-world brand’s extension in the network. Say from function, it is like a kind of brand or trade mark more, also named internet brand.
Value-added service:
After an Internet keyword registered, it can obtain full support from nation-wide portal website, well-known search engine, visitors can access registered user's website of Internet keyword through nonstop function. At present, more than 2000 portal websites such as google.cn, yahoo.cn, sina.com, sohu.com.cn, 263.net, baidu.com, search.com.cn, china.com、TOM.com, industrial website and local information port have fully provided nonstop function for website of Internet Brand, covering more than 90% Internet users.
Registration principle:
The Registration principle is 'first register, get at first'. It is a network trademarks, trade mark registration in real-word will not affect the internet keywords registration on line. So long as this name has not been registered, any company can file and apply for the registration. But it is necessary for us to notify this side of yours according to the procedure of registering.
Easy Albert
A woman is in a grocery store and happens upon a grandpa and his poorly behaving 3 year-old grandson.At every turn. Its obvious gramps has his hands full with the kid screaming for candy in the candy aisle,cookies in the cookie aisle; same for fruit, cereal and soda.
Meanwhile gramps is working his way around saying in a controlled voice, 'Easy Albert, we won't be long, easy boy'
Another outburst and she hears gramps calmly say,
'It's OK Albert, just a couple more minutes and we'll be outta here, hang in there.
At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items from the cart and gramps again in a controlled voice is saying, 'Albert, Albert, relax buddy, don't get upset --we'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, Albert'.
Very impressed the woman goes up to gramps as he's loading the kid and the groceries into the car and says, 'You know sir, it's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. The whole time you kept your composure and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be OK. Albert is very lucky to have you for his grandpa'.
'Thanks, lady,' said gramps, 'but I'm Albert -- the little bastard's name is Johnny'.
Meanwhile gramps is working his way around saying in a controlled voice, 'Easy Albert, we won't be long, easy boy'
Another outburst and she hears gramps calmly say,
'It's OK Albert, just a couple more minutes and we'll be outta here, hang in there.
At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items from the cart and gramps again in a controlled voice is saying, 'Albert, Albert, relax buddy, don't get upset --we'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, Albert'.
Very impressed the woman goes up to gramps as he's loading the kid and the groceries into the car and says, 'You know sir, it's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. The whole time you kept your composure and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be OK. Albert is very lucky to have you for his grandpa'.
'Thanks, lady,' said gramps, 'but I'm Albert -- the little bastard's name is Johnny'.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Actual legitimate sweepstakes program by MobileXpression
I know, I can’t believe it either. We have so many sweepstakes and make money without doing a damn thing programs sent to us and we found one that works!
If you have a cell phone and use it for the internet you have to sign up for this MobileXpression deal, make some bucks with no hassles and win prizes for doing nothing!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Just like frank - the perfect man
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.'
Passenger: 'Who?'
Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.'
Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'
Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.'
Passenger: 'Sounds like he was something really special.
Cabbie: 'There's more... He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right'
Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then.'
Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid Traffic jams Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them.
But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.'
Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'
Cabbie: 'Well, I never actually met Frank, he died. I married his f***ing widow
Passenger: 'Who?'
Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.'
Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'
Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.'
Passenger: 'Sounds like he was something really special.
Cabbie: 'There's more... He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right'
Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then.'
Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid Traffic jams Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them.
But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.'
Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'
Cabbie: 'Well, I never actually met Frank, he died. I married his f***ing widow
Monday, November 17, 2008
Tennessee deer hunters - joke
Two deer hunters were standing on a ridge near the Foothills Parkway in the Tennessee Smoky Mountains on the opening day of deer season and they both saw a trophy-class buck meandering towards them.
As the one hunter raised his gun to shoot, a funeral procession came slowly by. The hunter lowered his gun, took off his hat, and stood with his head bowed until the procession was past. Of course by then, the deer was long gone.
The other hunter exclaimed, 'Wow! That was the most sportsman-like act I've ever seen! You allowed this trophy buck to escape while showing such compassion and kindness toward someone's dearly departed. You are a great Humanitarian and a shining example to sportsmen throughout the world!'
The first hunter nodded and said; 'Well, we were married for 42 years."
As the one hunter raised his gun to shoot, a funeral procession came slowly by. The hunter lowered his gun, took off his hat, and stood with his head bowed until the procession was past. Of course by then, the deer was long gone.
The other hunter exclaimed, 'Wow! That was the most sportsman-like act I've ever seen! You allowed this trophy buck to escape while showing such compassion and kindness toward someone's dearly departed. You are a great Humanitarian and a shining example to sportsmen throughout the world!'
The first hunter nodded and said; 'Well, we were married for 42 years."
Italian Sausage
One dark night in the small town of Garfield , NJ, a fire started inside the local sausage factory. In a blink the building was engulfed in flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.
When the first volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire chief and said, 'All of our secret sausage recipes are in the vault in the center of the plant. They have to be saved, so I will donate $50,000 to the fire company that brings them out and delivers them to me.'
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in because the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer to extricate the secret recipes was now $100,000 to the fire department that could save them.
Suddenly from up the road, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the fire engine of the nearby Lodi , NJ volunteer fire department composed mainly of Italian firefighters over the age of 65.
To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Italian firefighters, passed fire engines parked outside the plant, and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched in amazement as the Italian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire as if they were fighting to save their own lives. Within a short time, the Lodi old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret recipes.
The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman accomplishment he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave elderly Italian firefighters.
A TV news crew rushed in after capturing the event on film. The 'on camera' reporter asked the Italian fire chief, 'What are you going to do with all that money?'
'Wella,' said Chief Pasquale De Luccinellavanti, the 70-year-old fire chief, 'de fursta tinga we gonnna do isza fixa de brakes on dat fockinna truck!'
When the first volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire chief and said, 'All of our secret sausage recipes are in the vault in the center of the plant. They have to be saved, so I will donate $50,000 to the fire company that brings them out and delivers them to me.'
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in because the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer to extricate the secret recipes was now $100,000 to the fire department that could save them.
Suddenly from up the road, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the fire engine of the nearby Lodi , NJ volunteer fire department composed mainly of Italian firefighters over the age of 65.
To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Italian firefighters, passed fire engines parked outside the plant, and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched in amazement as the Italian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire as if they were fighting to save their own lives. Within a short time, the Lodi old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret recipes.
The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman accomplishment he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave elderly Italian firefighters.
A TV news crew rushed in after capturing the event on film. The 'on camera' reporter asked the Italian fire chief, 'What are you going to do with all that money?'
'Wella,' said Chief Pasquale De Luccinellavanti, the 70-year-old fire chief, 'de fursta tinga we gonnna do isza fixa de brakes on dat fockinna truck!'
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Aren't older women great? Mid life reality check joke
After being married for 44 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, 'honey, 44 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old gal. Now we have a $500,000 home, a $45,000 car, nice big bed and plasma screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 65-year-old woman! It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things.'
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old gal and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.
Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crises.
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old gal and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.
Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crises.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Mr. Frank Lee - Head, telex operations
Subject: RE
Sent by: Mr. Frank Lee
Sent Via Email: leefrank01@totonline.net
Determination: Total scam email. Never answer spam emails such as this obvious scam
From The Desk of: Mr. Frank Lee
Head, telex operations
Sir,
This letter is to bring to your notice that your check one million five hundred thousand dollars only being your payment has been cash and transfer today, through electronic telephone banking transfer system of payment. The fund can not be transfer to you through western union money transfer as you instructed.
The transfer information is as follows:
Transfer access number: 447005938136
Transfer pin code: 2628
Transfer batch number 32/65/710-008
Amount US$1.5million
This system of payment will credit your fund direct to your bank account in swift, immediately you enter your transfer pin code is 2628.
To credit and confirm your fund dial with your telephone our bank transfer access number which is +447005938136 and the computer system will ask you to press 2 and enter your transfer pin code and press # key as to enable your fund credit direct to your bank account.
So you are advised to contact Mr. Peter Gary e-mail: petergary02@gmail.com
Tel: + 447024097531 for more information. Please let him know by forwarding the following information; 1. Your full name:
2. Phone and fax number:
Note that your fund cannot be confirmed into your account without your transfer pin code. Again this system of payment is to control fraud, scam and money laundering.
However, I have attempted to call you on this number +13473301319 but all effort failed and I had to send you a mail on this email address, which I guessed belongs to you.
With best regards
Mr. Frank Lee
Head, telex operations
Sent by: Mr. Frank Lee
Sent Via Email: leefrank01@totonline.net
Determination: Total scam email. Never answer spam emails such as this obvious scam
From The Desk of: Mr. Frank Lee
Head, telex operations
Sir,
This letter is to bring to your notice that your check one million five hundred thousand dollars only being your payment has been cash and transfer today, through electronic telephone banking transfer system of payment. The fund can not be transfer to you through western union money transfer as you instructed.
The transfer information is as follows:
Transfer access number: 447005938136
Transfer pin code: 2628
Transfer batch number 32/65/710-008
Amount US$1.5million
This system of payment will credit your fund direct to your bank account in swift, immediately you enter your transfer pin code is 2628.
To credit and confirm your fund dial with your telephone our bank transfer access number which is +447005938136 and the computer system will ask you to press 2 and enter your transfer pin code and press # key as to enable your fund credit direct to your bank account.
So you are advised to contact Mr. Peter Gary e-mail: petergary02@gmail.com
Tel: + 447024097531 for more information. Please let him know by forwarding the following information; 1. Your full name:
2. Phone and fax number:
Note that your fund cannot be confirmed into your account without your transfer pin code. Again this system of payment is to control fraud, scam and money laundering.
However, I have attempted to call you on this number +13473301319 but all effort failed and I had to send you a mail on this email address, which I guessed belongs to you.
With best regards
Mr. Frank Lee
Head, telex operations
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Investment tips for 2009
Investment tips for 2009
For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.
Watch for these consolidations in 2009:
1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. Will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.
2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker.
3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.
4. ZippoManufacturing, AudiMotors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa.
5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.
6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild.
7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: PouponPants.
8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW!
And finally....
9. Victoria's Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new name: TittyTittyBangBang
For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.
Watch for these consolidations in 2009:
1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. Will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.
2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker.
3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.
4. ZippoManufacturing, AudiMotors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa.
5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.
6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild.
7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: PouponPants.
8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW!
And finally....
9. Victoria's Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new name: TittyTittyBangBang
Notice of Appointment of Personal Representative by Crusader Securities Steve Thompson
This s a total scam never send email like this! This is an identity scam which will also bilk you for money.
From: Crusader Securities.
Sent: Thursday, October 09, 2008 11:19 AM
Subject: ATTN: Stephen "suckers name" (TREAT AS URGENT AS POSSIBLE.)
Estate of
Scott.G."suckers name"
Deceased.
Crusader Securities: UK
Notice of Appointment of Personal Representative,
Pendency of Probate & Declaration of Mailing.
(Without Will)
(RCW 11.28.237(1))
PLEASE TAKE NOTICE
Confidant: Stephen "suckers name"
l am Barr Steve Thompson. (retired).
l have a knowledge of an unclaimed estate proceed left in a codicil by a deceased Veteran, Scott G."suckers name"....{2nd Battalion,505th Parachute lnfantry Regiment,3rd Brigade combat Team,82nd Airborne Division at Ft Bragg NC..}.
l am contacting you to seek for your co-operation to stand in as a possible intestate heir since you have the same last name as the deceased so that the proceed of this estate could be recovered as a fortune and used for a possible investment under your expertise supervision.
lf you agree to this confidential consultation....l will advise on the programme of work to expedite this claim through a legitimate arrangement for a mutual benefit ..
Thank you for your anticipated response in this matter.
Best personal regards,
STEVE
Suckers reply:
To my best understanding I do not have any relitive with the discription you have discribe. Can you provide further proof.
Steve "suckers name"
From: Crusader Securities.
Sent: Friday, October 10, 2008 7:39 AM
Subject: NOTE: Stephen "suckers name" (Progress of Work.)
Dear Stephen,
Thank you for your kind response.
In the matter of the Estate of the deceased Scott G."suckers name", l wish to inform you that l have only appointted you as an intestate heir to the deceased in order that the proceed from the Estate could be released through your direct order of instruction since you have his last name..
The safe-keeping of this fund had existed for 10 years with the Crusader Securities without any claim application from any beneficiary since the deceased had no Will and Last Testament and has no visible relative coming forth for the claim of the deposited fund.
The United Kingdom Probate Regulations and Acts 1987 makes provision for an intestate to be Appointed by the Probate Attorney in charge of the JCC details of any unclaimed fund which should in turn be endorsed by the Court Clerk at the Chancery Court 56 as it may concern the legal desk.
This procedure l had chosen to make you an intestate heir to the deceased and will be supported by the endorsement of the Fund Movement Cover Documents in your name and address to enable us retrieve the fund from the vault for a mutual benefit since the probate reference could be revoked at any possible time from now by the UK government for a lack of Executor/Executrix.
Gladly, l assume that you are qualified under the laws of the land to expedite this project under a mutually exclusive agreement since you are not a minor, a person of unsound mind, a person who had been convicted or condemned of any moral turpitude.
Besides, we were not born last night and l hope that we understand what it takes to have access to a fortune valued at $1.5Million which would be disbursed in a 50/50 ratio.
l have the details of fund at hand and l can use my vast knowledge to get the fund released in your name since it will be supported by the Sworn Affidavit at the law court in compliance with the legitimacy of fund release/claim enacted by the British Council on legal Claims.
Let us decide on this amicably and we could raise our heads above water forever.
If you have any ongoing questions, feel free to get back to me in good fate.
Thank you for your time.
Regards,
STEVE.
----- Original Message -----
From: Crusader Securities.
Sent: Friday, October 10, 2008 7:56 AM
Subject: NOTE: Stephen "suckers name" {INFORMATION}
Dear Stephen,
Please be informed that l have the death Certificate of the deceased with me as endorsed by the State of Alabama and the US Public health co-operating after his demise which serves as the evidence of death.
l also have with me the Certificate of deposit of fund which verifies the claim application and satisfies the JCC details on the remittance process.
However, this should be treated as extremely confidential till the fund is successfully remitted to you in your location.
Please find attached my ID as well as my other information as it may concern this transaction.
Barr. Steve Thompson.Crusader Securities.102 Springfield Road, Chelmsford, Essex, CM2 6LFUnited-Kingdom.Occupation: Attorney.Age: 48yearsMarried with 3 Children
Thank you very much for your time.
Regards,
STEVE.
--- On Fri, 10/10/08, Stephen "suckers name" wrote:
To: "Crusader Securities."
Date: Friday, 10 October, 2008, 2:59 PM
O.K. so whats our next step?
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 3:17 AM
Subject: What is the way forward ?
"suckers name",
Please, let me know if l am to proceed to the Court to secure the Affidavit in your name about the Probate process required to recover the proceed of the decedent's Estate to whom you are the intestate.
l have written to you a couple of times without a reply, what is the situation. My patience is wearing out and l cannot wait till the probate reference on this file is revoked.
Lets work and get there in time.
Regards,
STEVE
Subject: Re: What is the way forward ?
To: stevethompson38@ymail.com
Date: Thursday, 16 October, 2008, 10:08 PM
Go a head, call me when you heve the money....
From: Crusader Securities.
Sent: Friday, October 17, 2008 3:59 AM
Subject: Urgent contact
"suckers name",
l must let you know that l am not comfortable with the way you are handling this project with levity. l was able to detect from your two last messages that you are not interested in this project as such due to a lack of trust and confidence in the success of the transaction.
Surely, l must let you know that this is not a hoax and it is absolutely legitimate. However, l cannot proceed unless l am cleared of your genuine interest and dedication to this transaction. Moreso, l need you to confirm to my desk your valid address since l shall be engaging a diplomatic courier office to delivery the fund to you in your location before l meet you for the disbursement.
"suckers name", like l told you....l want us to co-operate to have this project actualized and we could share a bottle of wine later to celebrate. l have the whole probate references at hand but only need your understanding of the reality of this.
Please, lets get there this coming week, l need your valid address asap in order that the release papers are secured in your name and address as the intestate heir to the decedent's Estate.
Kindly get back to me with more questions that you might deem fit necessary to convince you more on the nature of this transaction and do not hesitate to provide to me the needed information.
We can do it Stephen!
Regards,
STEVE
Subject: Re: Urgent contact
To: stevethompson38@ymail.com
Date: Saturday, 18 October, 2008, 6:30 PM
O.K. send the papers.
Sent: Monday, October 20, 2008 3:05 AM
Subject: Still Urgent
"suckers name",
Ok, l have received the information but l want to be sure of your trust, believe and confidentiality as regards this project. l am definately feeling very uncomfortable about your short messages. You should have a lot to ask me if you really want to show the interest to allow me proceed with this transaction.
You need to tell me in full how you intend to receive this fund. Do you require the fortune being received through a nominated account of your choice or through a diplomatic delivery of the fund to your door.
These two processes warrant different documentation. Which way should l go "suckers name"?
Please respond as soon as possible.
Regards,
STEVE
Subject: Re: Still Urgent
To: stevethompson38@ymail.com
Date: Monday, 20 October, 2008, 5:19 PM
I'm sure you are aware of scams just like this claiming just what your claiming I do not want any more troubles in my life, especially from some one out side the US. Please understand my concern.
As to delivery FEDEX is fine I'll sign for it. If you are who you say you are I should have no problem with the delivery. this should be enough information for you to do a transfer.
Steve "suckers name"
From: Crusader Securities.
To: Stephen "suckers name"
Sent: Tuesday, October 21, 2008 2:18 PM
Subject: RE:MSG
Steve,
Please, confirm to me the understanding of the last message sent to you as soon as possible. l want to be sure that you are cleared.
Regards,
STEVE
From: Crusader Securities.
Sent: Tuesday, October 21, 2008 12:38 PM
Subject: Read carefully
Dear Steve,
l received your message with thanks.
However, your openess of mind had allowed me to be able to ascertain from which angle you had been feeling uncomfortable about this transaction. Honestly, l quite agree with you about the nature of most of the hoax being examined lately through the intelligence office to realize that there are unreal people around.
l do not want this development to hinder our trust and understanding of this transaction. This is 100% legitimate and l have all the important JCC details of fund in my file.
All we need to do is to get the required papers endorsed at the appropriate offices as regards the certification and release of the fund so that we are deemed fit to be in compliance with the probate order.
Moreover, as regards the movement of this fund to you in your location and with particular reference to the documentation, We have to consider the followings:-
The Vienna convention of Dec.20th 1988 which involved several and various countries of the world and the European initiatives of Sept.1990 which was formed by the Ministers of Committee Council of Europe enacted a legal system concerning the movement of large amount of money.
Also the USA and the United Kingdom produced fourty (40) recommendations based on basic Statement of Principle which will enable the Financial Action Task Force (FATF) to monitor, intervene or confiscate any suspected fund proceeds without the required clearance from the appropriate desks.
Therefore, l understand that extra and maximum care with perfect planning of the Fund Movement Cover Documentation is required to avoid any contravention which will expose this transaction to suspiscion or any breach of the law to enable us (YOU & ME) achieve a successful conclusion as will be desired by both parties.
So, based on my investigation & briefing......l gathered that a regular checking account will not be too ideal to receive the fund for this transaction due to the 9/11 saga in the States and the other money laundering related offences as stipulated by the United Nations.
The best possible way to expedite this is to move the fund through a diplomatic Courier using the London office to deliver in containments to your address.This will be safe and easy to effect as it will be ascertained that the diplomats have the immunity from the United Nations and the Overseas Credit Movement Commission, an affiliate of the world bank to move funds of such magnitude to respective beneficiaries..
lf this procedure is cleared, l will like to have your valid address {not P.O.box}, age, occupation and a valid identification in order that l could check my finances and proceed to the High Court of Justice, Chancery Court 56 here in London-England to initiate the Probate Proceedings.
Please, let me know if you understand these points and inform of any ongoing question.
Thank you for your time.
Best regards,
STEVE
From: Crusader Securities.
Sent: Thursday, October 09, 2008 11:19 AM
Subject: ATTN: Stephen "suckers name" (TREAT AS URGENT AS POSSIBLE.)
Estate of
Scott.G."suckers name"
Deceased.
Crusader Securities: UK
Notice of Appointment of Personal Representative,
Pendency of Probate & Declaration of Mailing.
(Without Will)
(RCW 11.28.237(1))
PLEASE TAKE NOTICE
Confidant: Stephen "suckers name"
l am Barr Steve Thompson. (retired).
l have a knowledge of an unclaimed estate proceed left in a codicil by a deceased Veteran, Scott G."suckers name"....{2nd Battalion,505th Parachute lnfantry Regiment,3rd Brigade combat Team,82nd Airborne Division at Ft Bragg NC..}.
l am contacting you to seek for your co-operation to stand in as a possible intestate heir since you have the same last name as the deceased so that the proceed of this estate could be recovered as a fortune and used for a possible investment under your expertise supervision.
lf you agree to this confidential consultation....l will advise on the programme of work to expedite this claim through a legitimate arrangement for a mutual benefit ..
Thank you for your anticipated response in this matter.
Best personal regards,
STEVE
Suckers reply:
To my best understanding I do not have any relitive with the discription you have discribe. Can you provide further proof.
Steve "suckers name"
From: Crusader Securities.
Sent: Friday, October 10, 2008 7:39 AM
Subject: NOTE: Stephen "suckers name" (Progress of Work.)
Dear Stephen,
Thank you for your kind response.
In the matter of the Estate of the deceased Scott G."suckers name", l wish to inform you that l have only appointted you as an intestate heir to the deceased in order that the proceed from the Estate could be released through your direct order of instruction since you have his last name..
The safe-keeping of this fund had existed for 10 years with the Crusader Securities without any claim application from any beneficiary since the deceased had no Will and Last Testament and has no visible relative coming forth for the claim of the deposited fund.
The United Kingdom Probate Regulations and Acts 1987 makes provision for an intestate to be Appointed by the Probate Attorney in charge of the JCC details of any unclaimed fund which should in turn be endorsed by the Court Clerk at the Chancery Court 56 as it may concern the legal desk.
This procedure l had chosen to make you an intestate heir to the deceased and will be supported by the endorsement of the Fund Movement Cover Documents in your name and address to enable us retrieve the fund from the vault for a mutual benefit since the probate reference could be revoked at any possible time from now by the UK government for a lack of Executor/Executrix.
Gladly, l assume that you are qualified under the laws of the land to expedite this project under a mutually exclusive agreement since you are not a minor, a person of unsound mind, a person who had been convicted or condemned of any moral turpitude.
Besides, we were not born last night and l hope that we understand what it takes to have access to a fortune valued at $1.5Million which would be disbursed in a 50/50 ratio.
l have the details of fund at hand and l can use my vast knowledge to get the fund released in your name since it will be supported by the Sworn Affidavit at the law court in compliance with the legitimacy of fund release/claim enacted by the British Council on legal Claims.
Let us decide on this amicably and we could raise our heads above water forever.
If you have any ongoing questions, feel free to get back to me in good fate.
Thank you for your time.
Regards,
STEVE.
----- Original Message -----
From: Crusader Securities.
Sent: Friday, October 10, 2008 7:56 AM
Subject: NOTE: Stephen "suckers name" {INFORMATION}
Dear Stephen,
Please be informed that l have the death Certificate of the deceased with me as endorsed by the State of Alabama and the US Public health co-operating after his demise which serves as the evidence of death.
l also have with me the Certificate of deposit of fund which verifies the claim application and satisfies the JCC details on the remittance process.
However, this should be treated as extremely confidential till the fund is successfully remitted to you in your location.
Please find attached my ID as well as my other information as it may concern this transaction.
Barr. Steve Thompson.Crusader Securities.102 Springfield Road, Chelmsford, Essex, CM2 6LFUnited-Kingdom.Occupation: Attorney.Age: 48yearsMarried with 3 Children
Thank you very much for your time.
Regards,
STEVE.
--- On Fri, 10/10/08, Stephen "suckers name" wrote:
To: "Crusader Securities."
Date: Friday, 10 October, 2008, 2:59 PM
O.K. so whats our next step?
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 3:17 AM
Subject: What is the way forward ?
"suckers name",
Please, let me know if l am to proceed to the Court to secure the Affidavit in your name about the Probate process required to recover the proceed of the decedent's Estate to whom you are the intestate.
l have written to you a couple of times without a reply, what is the situation. My patience is wearing out and l cannot wait till the probate reference on this file is revoked.
Lets work and get there in time.
Regards,
STEVE
Subject: Re: What is the way forward ?
To: stevethompson38@ymail.com
Date: Thursday, 16 October, 2008, 10:08 PM
Go a head, call me when you heve the money....
From: Crusader Securities.
Sent: Friday, October 17, 2008 3:59 AM
Subject: Urgent contact
"suckers name",
l must let you know that l am not comfortable with the way you are handling this project with levity. l was able to detect from your two last messages that you are not interested in this project as such due to a lack of trust and confidence in the success of the transaction.
Surely, l must let you know that this is not a hoax and it is absolutely legitimate. However, l cannot proceed unless l am cleared of your genuine interest and dedication to this transaction. Moreso, l need you to confirm to my desk your valid address since l shall be engaging a diplomatic courier office to delivery the fund to you in your location before l meet you for the disbursement.
"suckers name", like l told you....l want us to co-operate to have this project actualized and we could share a bottle of wine later to celebrate. l have the whole probate references at hand but only need your understanding of the reality of this.
Please, lets get there this coming week, l need your valid address asap in order that the release papers are secured in your name and address as the intestate heir to the decedent's Estate.
Kindly get back to me with more questions that you might deem fit necessary to convince you more on the nature of this transaction and do not hesitate to provide to me the needed information.
We can do it Stephen!
Regards,
STEVE
Subject: Re: Urgent contact
To: stevethompson38@ymail.com
Date: Saturday, 18 October, 2008, 6:30 PM
O.K. send the papers.
Sent: Monday, October 20, 2008 3:05 AM
Subject: Still Urgent
"suckers name",
Ok, l have received the information but l want to be sure of your trust, believe and confidentiality as regards this project. l am definately feeling very uncomfortable about your short messages. You should have a lot to ask me if you really want to show the interest to allow me proceed with this transaction.
You need to tell me in full how you intend to receive this fund. Do you require the fortune being received through a nominated account of your choice or through a diplomatic delivery of the fund to your door.
These two processes warrant different documentation. Which way should l go "suckers name"?
Please respond as soon as possible.
Regards,
STEVE
Subject: Re: Still Urgent
To: stevethompson38@ymail.com
Date: Monday, 20 October, 2008, 5:19 PM
I'm sure you are aware of scams just like this claiming just what your claiming I do not want any more troubles in my life, especially from some one out side the US. Please understand my concern.
As to delivery FEDEX is fine I'll sign for it. If you are who you say you are I should have no problem with the delivery. this should be enough information for you to do a transfer.
Steve "suckers name"
From: Crusader Securities.
To: Stephen "suckers name"
Sent: Tuesday, October 21, 2008 2:18 PM
Subject: RE:MSG
Steve,
Please, confirm to me the understanding of the last message sent to you as soon as possible. l want to be sure that you are cleared.
Regards,
STEVE
From: Crusader Securities.
Sent: Tuesday, October 21, 2008 12:38 PM
Subject: Read carefully
Dear Steve,
l received your message with thanks.
However, your openess of mind had allowed me to be able to ascertain from which angle you had been feeling uncomfortable about this transaction. Honestly, l quite agree with you about the nature of most of the hoax being examined lately through the intelligence office to realize that there are unreal people around.
l do not want this development to hinder our trust and understanding of this transaction. This is 100% legitimate and l have all the important JCC details of fund in my file.
All we need to do is to get the required papers endorsed at the appropriate offices as regards the certification and release of the fund so that we are deemed fit to be in compliance with the probate order.
Moreover, as regards the movement of this fund to you in your location and with particular reference to the documentation, We have to consider the followings:-
The Vienna convention of Dec.20th 1988 which involved several and various countries of the world and the European initiatives of Sept.1990 which was formed by the Ministers of Committee Council of Europe enacted a legal system concerning the movement of large amount of money.
Also the USA and the United Kingdom produced fourty (40) recommendations based on basic Statement of Principle which will enable the Financial Action Task Force (FATF) to monitor, intervene or confiscate any suspected fund proceeds without the required clearance from the appropriate desks.
Therefore, l understand that extra and maximum care with perfect planning of the Fund Movement Cover Documentation is required to avoid any contravention which will expose this transaction to suspiscion or any breach of the law to enable us (YOU & ME) achieve a successful conclusion as will be desired by both parties.
So, based on my investigation & briefing......l gathered that a regular checking account will not be too ideal to receive the fund for this transaction due to the 9/11 saga in the States and the other money laundering related offences as stipulated by the United Nations.
The best possible way to expedite this is to move the fund through a diplomatic Courier using the London office to deliver in containments to your address.This will be safe and easy to effect as it will be ascertained that the diplomats have the immunity from the United Nations and the Overseas Credit Movement Commission, an affiliate of the world bank to move funds of such magnitude to respective beneficiaries..
lf this procedure is cleared, l will like to have your valid address {not P.O.box}, age, occupation and a valid identification in order that l could check my finances and proceed to the High Court of Justice, Chancery Court 56 here in London-England to initiate the Probate Proceedings.
Please, let me know if you understand these points and inform of any ongoing question.
Thank you for your time.
Best regards,
STEVE
Monday, October 20, 2008
Obama/Biden vs McCain/Palin, what if things were switched around? - Obama Mccin email
Obama/Biden vs McCain/Palin, what if things were switched around?.....think about it. Would the country's collective point of view be different?
Ponder the following:
What if the Obamas had paraded five children across the stage, including a three month old infant and an unwed, pregnant teenage daughter?
What if John McCain was a former president of the Harvard Law Review?
What if Barack Obama finished fifth from the bottom of his graduating class?
What if McCain had only married once, and Obama was a divorcee?
What if Obama was the candidate who left his first wife after a severe disfiguring car accident, when she no longer measured up to his standards?
What if Obama had met his second wife in a bar and had a long affair while he was still married?
What if Michelle Obama was the wife who not only became addicted to pain killers but also acquired them illegally through her charitable organization?
What if Cindy McCain graduated from Harvard?
What if Obama had been a member of the Keating Five? (The Keating Five were five United States Senators accused of corruption in 1989, igniting a major political scandal as part of the larger Savings and Loan crisis of the late 1980s and early 1990s.)
What if McCain was a charismatic, eloquent speaker?
What if Obama couldn't read from a teleprompter?
What if Obama was the one who had military experience that included discipline problems and a record of crashing seven planes?
What if Obama was the one who was known to display publicly on many occasions, a serious anger management problem?
What if Michelle Obama's family had made their money from beer distribution?
What if the Obamas had adopted a white child?
You could easily add to this list. If these questions reflected reality, do you really believe the election numbers would be as close as they are?
This is what racism does. It covers up, rationalizes and minimizes positive qualities in one candidate and emphasizes negative qualities in another when there is a color difference.
Educational Background:
Barack Obama:
Columbia University - B.A. Political Science with a Specialization in
International Relations.
Harvard - Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna Cu m Laude
Joseph Biden:
University of Delaware - B.A. in History and B.A. in Political Science.
Syracuse University College of Law - Juris Doctor (J.D.)
vs.
John McCain:
United States Naval Acade my - Class rank: 894 of 899
Sarah Palin:
Hawaii Pacific University - 1 semester
North Idaho College - 2 semesters - general study
University of Idaho - 2 semesters - journalism
Matanuska-Susitna College - 1 semester
University of Idaho - 3 semesters - B.A. in Journalism
Education isn't everything, but this is about the two highest offices in the land as well as our standing in the world. You make the call.
Ponder the following:
What if the Obamas had paraded five children across the stage, including a three month old infant and an unwed, pregnant teenage daughter?
What if John McCain was a former president of the Harvard Law Review?
What if Barack Obama finished fifth from the bottom of his graduating class?
What if McCain had only married once, and Obama was a divorcee?
What if Obama was the candidate who left his first wife after a severe disfiguring car accident, when she no longer measured up to his standards?
What if Obama had met his second wife in a bar and had a long affair while he was still married?
What if Michelle Obama was the wife who not only became addicted to pain killers but also acquired them illegally through her charitable organization?
What if Cindy McCain graduated from Harvard?
What if Obama had been a member of the Keating Five? (The Keating Five were five United States Senators accused of corruption in 1989, igniting a major political scandal as part of the larger Savings and Loan crisis of the late 1980s and early 1990s.)
What if McCain was a charismatic, eloquent speaker?
What if Obama couldn't read from a teleprompter?
What if Obama was the one who had military experience that included discipline problems and a record of crashing seven planes?
What if Obama was the one who was known to display publicly on many occasions, a serious anger management problem?
What if Michelle Obama's family had made their money from beer distribution?
What if the Obamas had adopted a white child?
You could easily add to this list. If these questions reflected reality, do you really believe the election numbers would be as close as they are?
This is what racism does. It covers up, rationalizes and minimizes positive qualities in one candidate and emphasizes negative qualities in another when there is a color difference.
Educational Background:
Barack Obama:
Columbia University - B.A. Political Science with a Specialization in
International Relations.
Harvard - Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna Cu m Laude
Joseph Biden:
University of Delaware - B.A. in History and B.A. in Political Science.
Syracuse University College of Law - Juris Doctor (J.D.)
vs.
John McCain:
United States Naval Acade my - Class rank: 894 of 899
Sarah Palin:
Hawaii Pacific University - 1 semester
North Idaho College - 2 semesters - general study
University of Idaho - 2 semesters - journalism
Matanuska-Susitna College - 1 semester
University of Idaho - 3 semesters - B.A. in Journalism
Education isn't everything, but this is about the two highest offices in the land as well as our standing in the world. You make the call.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
You have been selected – dangerous Walmart scam email spam with virus
Subject: You have been selected
Email sent by Walmart
Sent Via email address survey@walmart.com
Determination: dangerous email probable downloading of virus and/or spyware. Do not click on the link to take the survey or you will get infected.
Thank you for visiting the Walmart stores. The survey is designed to get your feedback about your recent shopping experience at Wal-Mart. This is not a sales effort of any kind, and we want to assure you that your responses to our questions will be kept strictly confidential.
This survey should take approximately 1 minute to complete. For your time, you will be rewarded with $150.00 directly to your card! Click here (link removed which went to http://www.capeofgoodhopeartgallery.com/survey.html) if you are ready to share your impressions about Wal-Mart.
Thank you for agreeing to participate. Your feedback is very important to us. However, in order to participate, you must receive a survey invitation by e-mail. Our marketing dept. chose you to be one of our lucky customers, hoping that you will also remain a Wal-Mart customer. Save money.Live better.WALMART
********************************************************************** Confidentiality Notice: This e-mail and any attachment(s) may contain confidential and privileged material intended for the addressee(s) or an individual authorized to receive for the addressee only. If you are not the addressee, you are notified that no part of the e-mail or any attachment(s) may be disclosed, copied or distributed, and that any other action related to this e-mail or attachment is strictly prohibited, and may be unlawful. If you have received this e-mail by error, please notify the sender immediately by return e-mail, and delete this message. Holloman Corporation, its subsidiaries and/or its employees shall not be liable for the incorrect or incomplete transmission of this e-mail or any attachment(s), nor responsible for any delay in receipt. **********************************************************************
Information on the scammers at capeofgoodhopeartgallery.com
Cape Of Good Hope Art Gallery
Terence, Teo
140 Hill Street, MICA Building, #01-06
Singapore, NIL 179369
SG
Domain name: capeofgoodhopeartgallery.com
Administrative Contact:
Cape Of Good Hope Art Gallery capeofgoodhope@pacific.net.sg
Terence, Teo
140 Hill Street, MICA Building, #01-06
Singapore, NIL 179369
SG
(65)-6733 3822 Fax: (65)-6733 9311
Technical Contact:
Netfirms, Inc. support@netfirms.com
Manager, Domains
5255 Yonge St
Toronto, ON M2N6P4
CA
+1.4166612100 Fax: +1.4166610700
Email sent by Walmart
Sent Via email address survey@walmart.com
Determination: dangerous email probable downloading of virus and/or spyware. Do not click on the link to take the survey or you will get infected.
Thank you for visiting the Walmart stores. The survey is designed to get your feedback about your recent shopping experience at Wal-Mart. This is not a sales effort of any kind, and we want to assure you that your responses to our questions will be kept strictly confidential.
This survey should take approximately 1 minute to complete. For your time, you will be rewarded with $150.00 directly to your card! Click here (link removed which went to http://www.capeofgoodhopeartgallery.com/survey.html) if you are ready to share your impressions about Wal-Mart.
Thank you for agreeing to participate. Your feedback is very important to us. However, in order to participate, you must receive a survey invitation by e-mail. Our marketing dept. chose you to be one of our lucky customers, hoping that you will also remain a Wal-Mart customer. Save money.Live better.WALMART
********************************************************************** Confidentiality Notice: This e-mail and any attachment(s) may contain confidential and privileged material intended for the addressee(s) or an individual authorized to receive for the addressee only. If you are not the addressee, you are notified that no part of the e-mail or any attachment(s) may be disclosed, copied or distributed, and that any other action related to this e-mail or attachment is strictly prohibited, and may be unlawful. If you have received this e-mail by error, please notify the sender immediately by return e-mail, and delete this message. Holloman Corporation, its subsidiaries and/or its employees shall not be liable for the incorrect or incomplete transmission of this e-mail or any attachment(s), nor responsible for any delay in receipt. **********************************************************************
Information on the scammers at capeofgoodhopeartgallery.com
Cape Of Good Hope Art Gallery
Terence, Teo
140 Hill Street, MICA Building, #01-06
Singapore, NIL 179369
SG
Domain name: capeofgoodhopeartgallery.com
Administrative Contact:
Cape Of Good Hope Art Gallery capeofgoodhope@pacific.net.sg
Terence, Teo
140 Hill Street, MICA Building, #01-06
Singapore, NIL 179369
SG
(65)-6733 3822 Fax: (65)-6733 9311
Technical Contact:
Netfirms, Inc. support@netfirms.com
Manager, Domains
5255 Yonge St
Toronto, ON M2N6P4
CA
+1.4166612100 Fax: +1.4166610700
Friday, October 17, 2008
today's stocks - funny stock joke sayings
Todays stock report:
Helium was up, feathers were down.
Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
Knives were up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market.
Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
Diapers were unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Coca cola fizzled.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
Helium was up, feathers were down.
Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
Knives were up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market.
Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
Diapers were unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Coca cola fizzled.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
I need your opinion - funny wedding dress picture joke
I need your opinion I think the brides necklace is a bit much, don't you?
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Solidarity in voting
There are two months until the election, an election that will decide the next President of the United States .
The person elected will be the president of "all" Americans, not just the Democrats or the Republicans.
It's time that we all came together, Democrats and Republicans alike.
If you support the policies and character of Barack Obama, please drive with your headlights on during the day.
If you support John McCain, please drive with your headlights off at night.
Together, we can make it happen!
The person elected will be the president of "all" Americans, not just the Democrats or the Republicans.
It's time that we all came together, Democrats and Republicans alike.
If you support the policies and character of Barack Obama, please drive with your headlights on during the day.
If you support John McCain, please drive with your headlights off at night.
Together, we can make it happen!
Monday, October 13, 2008
Name removed registration confirmation request - scam email about domain names
This is a very common domain name scam sent often from China to unsuspecting US customers.
The people DOMAINBOX Group try to scare you into buying more domain names through them to protect your brand.
Bottom line, if you want to protect your brand name buy it from an Honest company to register domains
----- Original Message -----
From: mark@boxs.asia
To: webmail@name removed.com
Sent: Wednesday, October 08, 2008 9:43 PM
Subject: Name removed registration confirmation request
Dear Name removed
We received a formal application from a company who is called Meiao Co.,Ltd are applying to register "name removed" as their domain name and Internet keyword in China and also in Asia on Oct 8,2008. During our auditing procedure we find out that the alleged Meiao Co.,Ltd has no trade mark, brand nor patent even similar to that word. As authorized anti-cybersquatting organization we hereby suspect the alleged Meiao Co.,Ltd to be a domain grabber. Hence we need you confirmation for two things, First of all, whether this alleged Meiao Co.,Ltd is your business partner or distributor in China.
Secondly, whether you are interested in registering these domains. (The alleged Meiao Co.,Ltd will be entitled to obtain a domain not needed by original trademark owner.)
If you are not in charge of this please transfer this email to appropriate dept.
This is a letter for confirmation. If the mentioned third party is your business partner or distributor in China please DO NOT reply. We will automatically confirm application from your business partner after this audit procedure.
Bst Rgs
Mark Li
Registration Commissioner
World Domainbox Information Co.,
Tel: +86-10-80747734
Fax:+86-10-80747824
Email: mark@boxs.asia
Http://www.boxs.asia
Confidentiality Statement:
The information in this email is confidential and may be legally privileged. It is intended solely for the addressee. Access to this email by anyone else is unauthorized. If you are not an intended recipient, any disclosure, copying, distribution, or other action taken or omitted to be taken in reliance on it, is prohibited and may be unlawful. If you have received this message in error please be advised of your obligation to immediately notify sender of the error in transmission, and to destroy all associated documentation.
Our Response
Dear Mark LI,
I am the sole outside representative for Name removed a legally registered and protected company in the USA with current and enforceable copyrights and trademarks.
Anyone attempting to use our good name in cybersquatting will find that we will have the name turned over to us and all associated costs to do so will be paid for by the cybersquatting by us filling protest with hosts, ISPs, Search Engines and the Domain Name Companies of said squatter under the Uniform Domain Name Dispute Resolution Policy as enacted October 24, 1999 under Paragraph 4(a)(iii).
Please advise Meiao Co. Ltd that we will stop any ownership of names, optimization efforts and bidding programs that infringes on our good name and that they should govern themselves accordingly.
We have no interest in purchasing domains other than through our regular registrant and again will block the use of our name anyone registers under any other extensions or pseudonyms.
Sincerely Yours,
Christopher Hibbard
Mean Cash Inc
Response from Mark LI
Dear Christopher Hibbard,
Domain names, trademarks and brands are all belongs to the intellectual property rights territory. Domain registration, same with the registration of trademark and patent brand, is not free. It have to be paid for a certain term of usage. The domain name, however, is a little different from the trademark. The domain names are open to be registered worldwide. Whoever is the owner of the trademarks have the priority to register first. Of course, everyone have the rights to register a domain which is not wanted or needed by anyone else, and will be free from any law dispute. You have to be noticed that there are many such company and individuals in China take advantage from domain dealing. In order to keep your company domains from being taken by these domain dealers, we are now obligated to inform you this issue. As a domain name registrar, it's our obligation and responsibility. We strongly recommend you to protect your domains by registering. Anyway, whether to register them is up to you.
Now, Meiao Co.,Ltd is applying the following domain names and internet keywords
www.name removed.asia
www.name removed.biz
www.name removed.cn
www.name removed.com.cn
www.name removed.info
www.name removed.cc
Name removed
If you think these domain names and internet keywords are useful to your company or afraid it will take some bad effect after being taken, we can help your company dispute these domain names back and register for your company, we will send an application form to you and inform you the register procedure so that we can assist you with the registration. If these domain names and internet keywords would not affect your company, you can give up them. Looking forward to get your decision ASAP.
Kind regards,
Mark Li
Our Response
You are misinformed. An ICANN complaint will get us any domain names infringing on our Trademarks and Copyrights.
I need your physical address of your business as well as your web site address.
Response from Mark LI (had an Adobe attachment)
Dear Sir,
The information of our company in the attchament,please check it.
If you are still interested in these domains ,i will list the cost to you ,and if you don't register the domains as a protection ,we will accept the third party's application.
Please confirm in your reply.
Kind regards,
Mark Li
Our Response
We don’t open attachments from unknown sources.
Please type your company information into the body of this email.
Response from Mark LI (had a Word attachment)
Dear Christopher Hibbard,
Please find our company info in word format in the attachment.
Kind regards,
Mark Li
Our Response
No attachments will be opened by us.
Response from Mark LI
1. WHO WE ARE
Veterans with the vision to see the forest and trees
For years Domainbox Group has been developing innovative products and services to meet the content management and protection needs of trademark, domain and patent users. The company's seasoned management team forges the strategic vision of the company and focuses on our goals of profitability, sustained growth, 100 percent customer satisfaction and innovations in domain registration services. Domainbox pioneered domain backup, and today its leadership extends to the company's close relationship with several industry associations.
Background
Domainbox Group was founded in 2000 with the goal of creating high-impact products and services for users of domains. We began by developing our effective technology platform.
In 2001 we launched our first product based on this platform - the Domainbox Group consulting service. This service enabled users - for the very first time - to get all information for their domains and internet keywords easily and securely, and also register domains and internet keywords as our subscribers.
DOMAINBOX Group’s growth revolves around the phenomenal rise in the use of trademark and domain name around the world, and in the way those domain impact the lives of people everywhere. We remain passionately focused on anticipating and exceeding the needs of the intellectual property rights user.
2. WHAT WE DO
Secure the intellectual property rights backup solutions that provide the right combination for subscriber satisfaction.
DOMAINBOX GROUP is the leading developer of trademark and domain backup services that help people access, manage, and protect the company profile and information of their website by protect their trademark
and domains. These powerful turn-key service offerings include user-friendly domain registration service.
Registration for Protection
How many times have you needed to register your trademark and domain in our company, only to be notified it concerning other company’s name and you have to wait till we get their confirmation? Things are, we have to get the confirmation if these names mentioned in your application if it is the same or similar to another company. So there are chance that you registered a domain and been sued for that because someone would turn out and ask you to be noticed these domains are supposed to be belonging to them.
With the DOMAINBOX Group’s consulting registration service, you only have to worry about your information, and also be patient. We need enough time to negotiate with the company have the same name for a confirmation. (Of course, instant registration would be available if your domain concerning no others.) This procedure may take 2-3 weeks to ensure your registration will be out if disturbance for good.
Protect Your Brand
it’s a cold, simple fact - one in every six domain have the same word with the name of a company taken or stolen by domain dealers this year. That means that out of your company, one in every six experience the pain of trying to buy their domain back at a high price from a domain dealer. If you lost your domain, how long would it take you to recreate your good willing? What confusion would be caused to your customers who want to find your info on your website?
One in six; could you be next? Wouldn't you like to snap your fingers and instantly safeguard all of these domains concerning your company? Imagine the difference between being able to register all domains concerning your company at a time. Today, that registration is possible - it's not magic, it's DOMAINBOX Group’s domain consulting and registration solution.
DOMAINBOX’s service continually updates domain name registration status to ensure that it's always ready to go whenever you need it. DOMAINBOX Group’s backup and restore solution provides consumers:
• Complete trademark and domain name registration required
• Link domain registered to assigned website
• Update registration information
• Renewal reminder service
3. WORKING WITH US
Dive into a successful y relationship with DOMAINBOX GROUP
Strategic business partnerships with technology leaders are at the center of DOMAINBOX Group’s go-to-market plan.
Partnering with DOMAINBOX GROUP creates opportunities to promote and deliver the benefits of the intellectual property rights consulting and registration services to end customers. Our award-winning service has been implemented around the world.
DOMAINBOX GROUP is focused on creating rich consulting & compelling registration services that enhance customer productivity, mobility and security. Your customers are more mobile than ever. And they rely on a growing arsenal of devices and services to stay that way. Take care of their needs - and yours - by embracing the industry standard of registration service into your product and service lineups. DOMAINBOX GROUP has deployed solutions with leading domain operators, technology integrators and content developers worldwide.
Privacy
The security and privacy of your data is extremely important to us. We recognize that you trust us with something valuable, and so we treat it with the highest respect.
4. Contact Us
Thank you for your interest in DOMAINBOX GROUP! Feel free to contact us at any of the addresses or phone numbers below. Please email questions, requests, and comments to the appropriate department.
Marketing/General Inquiries
admin@boxs.asia
Technical support
charlie@boxs.asia
Tel：86-10-80747734
Fax：86-10-80747824 Sales Office – Hong Kong(Corporate Headquarters) Mail Address 11/F, One Kowloon, 5 Wang Yuen Street, Kowloon Bay, Hong Kong
Sales & Developing Office – China Mail Address 18 Shangdi Developing Zone Southern Str. Haidian District, Beijing China
Kind regards,
Mark Li
The people DOMAINBOX Group try to scare you into buying more domain names through them to protect your brand.
Bottom line, if you want to protect your brand name buy it from an Honest company to register domains
----- Original Message -----
From: mark@boxs.asia
To: webmail@name removed.com
Sent: Wednesday, October 08, 2008 9:43 PM
Subject: Name removed registration confirmation request
Dear Name removed
We received a formal application from a company who is called Meiao Co.,Ltd are applying to register "name removed" as their domain name and Internet keyword in China and also in Asia on Oct 8,2008. During our auditing procedure we find out that the alleged Meiao Co.,Ltd has no trade mark, brand nor patent even similar to that word. As authorized anti-cybersquatting organization we hereby suspect the alleged Meiao Co.,Ltd to be a domain grabber. Hence we need you confirmation for two things, First of all, whether this alleged Meiao Co.,Ltd is your business partner or distributor in China.
Secondly, whether you are interested in registering these domains. (The alleged Meiao Co.,Ltd will be entitled to obtain a domain not needed by original trademark owner.)
If you are not in charge of this please transfer this email to appropriate dept.
This is a letter for confirmation. If the mentioned third party is your business partner or distributor in China please DO NOT reply. We will automatically confirm application from your business partner after this audit procedure.
Bst Rgs
Mark Li
Registration Commissioner
World Domainbox Information Co.,
Tel: +86-10-80747734
Fax:+86-10-80747824
Email: mark@boxs.asia
Http://www.boxs.asia
Confidentiality Statement:
The information in this email is confidential and may be legally privileged. It is intended solely for the addressee. Access to this email by anyone else is unauthorized. If you are not an intended recipient, any disclosure, copying, distribution, or other action taken or omitted to be taken in reliance on it, is prohibited and may be unlawful. If you have received this message in error please be advised of your obligation to immediately notify sender of the error in transmission, and to destroy all associated documentation.
Our Response
Dear Mark LI,
I am the sole outside representative for Name removed a legally registered and protected company in the USA with current and enforceable copyrights and trademarks.
Anyone attempting to use our good name in cybersquatting will find that we will have the name turned over to us and all associated costs to do so will be paid for by the cybersquatting by us filling protest with hosts, ISPs, Search Engines and the Domain Name Companies of said squatter under the Uniform Domain Name Dispute Resolution Policy as enacted October 24, 1999 under Paragraph 4(a)(iii).
Please advise Meiao Co. Ltd that we will stop any ownership of names, optimization efforts and bidding programs that infringes on our good name and that they should govern themselves accordingly.
We have no interest in purchasing domains other than through our regular registrant and again will block the use of our name anyone registers under any other extensions or pseudonyms.
Sincerely Yours,
Christopher Hibbard
Mean Cash Inc
Response from Mark LI
Dear Christopher Hibbard,
Domain names, trademarks and brands are all belongs to the intellectual property rights territory. Domain registration, same with the registration of trademark and patent brand, is not free. It have to be paid for a certain term of usage. The domain name, however, is a little different from the trademark. The domain names are open to be registered worldwide. Whoever is the owner of the trademarks have the priority to register first. Of course, everyone have the rights to register a domain which is not wanted or needed by anyone else, and will be free from any law dispute. You have to be noticed that there are many such company and individuals in China take advantage from domain dealing. In order to keep your company domains from being taken by these domain dealers, we are now obligated to inform you this issue. As a domain name registrar, it's our obligation and responsibility. We strongly recommend you to protect your domains by registering. Anyway, whether to register them is up to you.
Now, Meiao Co.,Ltd is applying the following domain names and internet keywords
www.name removed.asia
www.name removed.biz
www.name removed.cn
www.name removed.com.cn
www.name removed.info
www.name removed.cc
Name removed
If you think these domain names and internet keywords are useful to your company or afraid it will take some bad effect after being taken, we can help your company dispute these domain names back and register for your company, we will send an application form to you and inform you the register procedure so that we can assist you with the registration. If these domain names and internet keywords would not affect your company, you can give up them. Looking forward to get your decision ASAP.
Kind regards,
Mark Li
Our Response
You are misinformed. An ICANN complaint will get us any domain names infringing on our Trademarks and Copyrights.
I need your physical address of your business as well as your web site address.
Response from Mark LI (had an Adobe attachment)
Dear Sir,
The information of our company in the attchament,please check it.
If you are still interested in these domains ,i will list the cost to you ,and if you don't register the domains as a protection ,we will accept the third party's application.
Please confirm in your reply.
Kind regards,
Mark Li
Our Response
We don’t open attachments from unknown sources.
Please type your company information into the body of this email.
Response from Mark LI (had a Word attachment)
Dear Christopher Hibbard,
Please find our company info in word format in the attachment.
Kind regards,
Mark Li
Our Response
No attachments will be opened by us.
Response from Mark LI
1. WHO WE ARE
Veterans with the vision to see the forest and trees
For years Domainbox Group has been developing innovative products and services to meet the content management and protection needs of trademark, domain and patent users. The company's seasoned management team forges the strategic vision of the company and focuses on our goals of profitability, sustained growth, 100 percent customer satisfaction and innovations in domain registration services. Domainbox pioneered domain backup, and today its leadership extends to the company's close relationship with several industry associations.
Background
Domainbox Group was founded in 2000 with the goal of creating high-impact products and services for users of domains. We began by developing our effective technology platform.
In 2001 we launched our first product based on this platform - the Domainbox Group consulting service. This service enabled users - for the very first time - to get all information for their domains and internet keywords easily and securely, and also register domains and internet keywords as our subscribers.
DOMAINBOX Group’s growth revolves around the phenomenal rise in the use of trademark and domain name around the world, and in the way those domain impact the lives of people everywhere. We remain passionately focused on anticipating and exceeding the needs of the intellectual property rights user.
2. WHAT WE DO
Secure the intellectual property rights backup solutions that provide the right combination for subscriber satisfaction.
DOMAINBOX GROUP is the leading developer of trademark and domain backup services that help people access, manage, and protect the company profile and information of their website by protect their trademark
and domains. These powerful turn-key service offerings include user-friendly domain registration service.
Registration for Protection
How many times have you needed to register your trademark and domain in our company, only to be notified it concerning other company’s name and you have to wait till we get their confirmation? Things are, we have to get the confirmation if these names mentioned in your application if it is the same or similar to another company. So there are chance that you registered a domain and been sued for that because someone would turn out and ask you to be noticed these domains are supposed to be belonging to them.
With the DOMAINBOX Group’s consulting registration service, you only have to worry about your information, and also be patient. We need enough time to negotiate with the company have the same name for a confirmation. (Of course, instant registration would be available if your domain concerning no others.) This procedure may take 2-3 weeks to ensure your registration will be out if disturbance for good.
Protect Your Brand
it’s a cold, simple fact - one in every six domain have the same word with the name of a company taken or stolen by domain dealers this year. That means that out of your company, one in every six experience the pain of trying to buy their domain back at a high price from a domain dealer. If you lost your domain, how long would it take you to recreate your good willing? What confusion would be caused to your customers who want to find your info on your website?
One in six; could you be next? Wouldn't you like to snap your fingers and instantly safeguard all of these domains concerning your company? Imagine the difference between being able to register all domains concerning your company at a time. Today, that registration is possible - it's not magic, it's DOMAINBOX Group’s domain consulting and registration solution.
DOMAINBOX’s service continually updates domain name registration status to ensure that it's always ready to go whenever you need it. DOMAINBOX Group’s backup and restore solution provides consumers:
• Complete trademark and domain name registration required
• Link domain registered to assigned website
• Update registration information
• Renewal reminder service
3. WORKING WITH US
Dive into a successful y relationship with DOMAINBOX GROUP
Strategic business partnerships with technology leaders are at the center of DOMAINBOX Group’s go-to-market plan.
Partnering with DOMAINBOX GROUP creates opportunities to promote and deliver the benefits of the intellectual property rights consulting and registration services to end customers. Our award-winning service has been implemented around the world.
DOMAINBOX GROUP is focused on creating rich consulting & compelling registration services that enhance customer productivity, mobility and security. Your customers are more mobile than ever. And they rely on a growing arsenal of devices and services to stay that way. Take care of their needs - and yours - by embracing the industry standard of registration service into your product and service lineups. DOMAINBOX GROUP has deployed solutions with leading domain operators, technology integrators and content developers worldwide.
Privacy
The security and privacy of your data is extremely important to us. We recognize that you trust us with something valuable, and so we treat it with the highest respect.
4. Contact Us
Thank you for your interest in DOMAINBOX GROUP! Feel free to contact us at any of the addresses or phone numbers below. Please email questions, requests, and comments to the appropriate department.
Marketing/General Inquiries
admin@boxs.asia
Technical support
charlie@boxs.asia
Tel：86-10-80747734
Fax：86-10-80747824 Sales Office – Hong Kong(Corporate Headquarters) Mail Address 11/F, One Kowloon, 5 Wang Yuen Street, Kowloon Bay, Hong Kong
Sales & Developing Office – China Mail Address 18 Shangdi Developing Zone Southern Str. Haidian District, Beijing China
Kind regards,
Mark Li
Friday, October 10, 2008
If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious! - Life in the 80s
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning ... uphill BOTH ways.
Yadda, yadda, yadda
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!
But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.
You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!
There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!
There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!
Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ' s usually talk over the beginning and screw it all up!
We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!
And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders', 'Pac Man' and 'Asteroids' your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!
And there were no multiple levels or screens; it was just one screen forever!
And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating!
All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed!
Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no on screen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your butt and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little brats!
And we didn't have microwaves; if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove or go build a freaking fire. Imagine that!
If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.
That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled.
You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!
Regards,
The over 30 Crowd
(Send this to someone you'd like to make smile, whether they are under 30 or not.)
Yadda, yadda, yadda
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!
But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.
You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!
There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!
There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!
Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ' s usually talk over the beginning and screw it all up!
We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!
And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders', 'Pac Man' and 'Asteroids' your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!
And there were no multiple levels or screens; it was just one screen forever!
And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating!
All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed!
Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no on screen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your butt and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little brats!
And we didn't have microwaves; if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove or go build a freaking fire. Imagine that!
If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.
That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled.
You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!
Regards,
The over 30 Crowd
(Send this to someone you'd like to make smile, whether they are under 30 or not.)
Thursday, October 9, 2008
where did all the $$$ come from? - false Obama Email
This is a totally false Barack Obama email similar to another Totally false email notice the closing remark.
I AM ONLY FORWARDING THIS TO A FEW - I KNOW SOME OF IT TO BE TRUE FROM PREVIOUS MAILINGS BUT I HAVE NOT CHECKED ALL OF IT - WIKIPEDIA ALWAYS HAS A LOT OF INFO BUT I'VE ALSO HEARD FROM OTHERS IT IS UNRELIABLE - IF YOU CARE TO COMMENT FINE - I AM GETTING TO THE POINT WHERE I AM GOING TO (TRY) AND (IGNORE) AND (DELETE) ANY MORE INFO RE:OBAMA OR MCCAIN OR PALIN OR BIDEN - BUSH IS PAST HISTORY
Subject: Where did all the money come from
No, I did not write this. It was forwarded to me, but I feel that in this election year, perhaps more so than ever before, we need to know as much about the candidates as we possibly can. This is long, but very important, please take the time to not only read it but to study it.
About six months ago, I started thinking, 'Where did the money come from for Obama?'
I started looking into Obama's life. Around 1979, Obama started college at Occidental in California. He is very open about his two years at Occidental, he tried all kinds of drugs and was wasting his time but, even though he had a brilliant mind, did not apply himself to his studies. 'Barry' (that was the name he used all his life) during this time had two roommates, Muhammad Hasan Chandoo and Wahid Hamid, both from Pakistan.
During the summer of 1981, after his second year in college, he made a 'round the world' trip. Stopping to see his mother in Indonesia, next Hyderabad in India, three weeks in Karachi, Pakistan where he stayed with his roommate's family. My question - Where did he get the money for this trip?
When he came back he started school at Columbia University in New York. It is at this time he wants everyone to call him Barak - not Barry. Do you know what the tuition is at Columbia? It's not cheap to say the least. Where did he get money for tuition? Student Loans maybe" After Columbia, he went to Chicago to work as a Community Organizer for $12,000 Year.
Why Chicago? Why not New York? He was already living in New York. By 'chance' he met Antoin 'Tony' Rezko, born in Aleppo Syria, and a real estate developer in Chicago. Rezko has been convicted of fraud and bribery this year.
Rezko was named 'Entrepreneur of the Decade' by the Arab-American Business and Professional Association.
About two hears later, Obama entered Harvard Law School. Do you have any idea what tuition is for Harvard Law School? Where did he get the money for Law School? More student loans?
After law school, he went back to Chicago. Rezko offered him a job, which he turned down. But, he did take a job with Davis, Miner, Barnhill & Galland. Guess what? They represented 'Rezar' which was Rezko's firm.
Rezko was one of Obama's first major financial contributors when he ran for office in Chicago. In 2003, Rezko threw an early fundraiser for Obama which Chicago Tribune reporter David Mendelland claims was instrumental in providing Obama with 'seed money' for his U.S. Senate race. In 2005, Obama purchased a new home in Kenwood District of Chicago for $1.65 million (less than the asking price. With
ALL those Student Loans, where did he get the money for the property? On the same day, Rezko's wife, Rita, purchased the adjoining empty lot for full price.
The London Times reported that Nadhmi Auchi, an Iraqi-born Billionaire loaned Rezko $3.5 million three weeks before Obama's new home was purchased. Obama met Nadhmi Auchi many times with Rezko. Now that we have Obama running for President.
Valerie Jarrett was Michele Obama's boss. She is now Obama's chief advisor and he does not make any major decisions without talking to her first. Where was Jarrett born? Ready for this? Shiraz, Iran! Do we see a pattern here? Or am I going crazy?
On May 10, 2008, the Times reported, Robert Malley, advisor to Obama was 'sacked after the press found out he was having regular contacts with 'Hamas,' which controls Gaza and is connected with Iran.
This past week, buried in the back part of the papers, Iraqi newspapers reported that during Obama's visit to Iraq, he asked their leaders to do nothing about the war until after he is elected, and he will 'take care of things.'
Oh, and by the way, remember the college roommates that were born in Pakistan? They are in charge of all these 'small' Internet campaign contributions for Obama. Where is that money coming from? The poor and middle class in this country? Or could it be from the Middle East? And the final bit of news. On September 7, 2008, the Washington Times posted a verbal slip that was made on "This Week' with George Stephanapoulos. Obama on talking about his religion said, 'My Muslim faith...' When questioned, 'he made a mistake.' Some mistake!
All of the above information I got on line. If you would like to check it - Wikipedia, encyclopedia, Barak Obama; Tony Rezko; Valerie Jarrett; Daily Times - Obama visited Pakistan in 1981; The Washington Times - September 7, 2008; The Times, May 10, 2008.
Now the BIG question - If I found out all this information on my own, why haven't all of our 'intelligent' members of the press been reporting this? A phrase that keeps ringing in my ear - 'Beware of the enemy from within.'!"
I AM ONLY FORWARDING THIS TO A FEW - I KNOW SOME OF IT TO BE TRUE FROM PREVIOUS MAILINGS BUT I HAVE NOT CHECKED ALL OF IT - WIKIPEDIA ALWAYS HAS A LOT OF INFO BUT I'VE ALSO HEARD FROM OTHERS IT IS UNRELIABLE - IF YOU CARE TO COMMENT FINE - I AM GETTING TO THE POINT WHERE I AM GOING TO (TRY) AND (IGNORE) AND (DELETE) ANY MORE INFO RE:OBAMA OR MCCAIN OR PALIN OR BIDEN - BUSH IS PAST HISTORY
Subject: Where did all the money come from
No, I did not write this. It was forwarded to me, but I feel that in this election year, perhaps more so than ever before, we need to know as much about the candidates as we possibly can. This is long, but very important, please take the time to not only read it but to study it.
About six months ago, I started thinking, 'Where did the money come from for Obama?'
I started looking into Obama's life. Around 1979, Obama started college at Occidental in California. He is very open about his two years at Occidental, he tried all kinds of drugs and was wasting his time but, even though he had a brilliant mind, did not apply himself to his studies. 'Barry' (that was the name he used all his life) during this time had two roommates, Muhammad Hasan Chandoo and Wahid Hamid, both from Pakistan.
During the summer of 1981, after his second year in college, he made a 'round the world' trip. Stopping to see his mother in Indonesia, next Hyderabad in India, three weeks in Karachi, Pakistan where he stayed with his roommate's family. My question - Where did he get the money for this trip?
When he came back he started school at Columbia University in New York. It is at this time he wants everyone to call him Barak - not Barry. Do you know what the tuition is at Columbia? It's not cheap to say the least. Where did he get money for tuition? Student Loans maybe" After Columbia, he went to Chicago to work as a Community Organizer for $12,000 Year.
Why Chicago? Why not New York? He was already living in New York. By 'chance' he met Antoin 'Tony' Rezko, born in Aleppo Syria, and a real estate developer in Chicago. Rezko has been convicted of fraud and bribery this year.
Rezko was named 'Entrepreneur of the Decade' by the Arab-American Business and Professional Association.
About two hears later, Obama entered Harvard Law School. Do you have any idea what tuition is for Harvard Law School? Where did he get the money for Law School? More student loans?
After law school, he went back to Chicago. Rezko offered him a job, which he turned down. But, he did take a job with Davis, Miner, Barnhill & Galland. Guess what? They represented 'Rezar' which was Rezko's firm.
Rezko was one of Obama's first major financial contributors when he ran for office in Chicago. In 2003, Rezko threw an early fundraiser for Obama which Chicago Tribune reporter David Mendelland claims was instrumental in providing Obama with 'seed money' for his U.S. Senate race. In 2005, Obama purchased a new home in Kenwood District of Chicago for $1.65 million (less than the asking price. With
ALL those Student Loans, where did he get the money for the property? On the same day, Rezko's wife, Rita, purchased the adjoining empty lot for full price.
The London Times reported that Nadhmi Auchi, an Iraqi-born Billionaire loaned Rezko $3.5 million three weeks before Obama's new home was purchased. Obama met Nadhmi Auchi many times with Rezko. Now that we have Obama running for President.
Valerie Jarrett was Michele Obama's boss. She is now Obama's chief advisor and he does not make any major decisions without talking to her first. Where was Jarrett born? Ready for this? Shiraz, Iran! Do we see a pattern here? Or am I going crazy?
On May 10, 2008, the Times reported, Robert Malley, advisor to Obama was 'sacked after the press found out he was having regular contacts with 'Hamas,' which controls Gaza and is connected with Iran.
This past week, buried in the back part of the papers, Iraqi newspapers reported that during Obama's visit to Iraq, he asked their leaders to do nothing about the war until after he is elected, and he will 'take care of things.'
Oh, and by the way, remember the college roommates that were born in Pakistan? They are in charge of all these 'small' Internet campaign contributions for Obama. Where is that money coming from? The poor and middle class in this country? Or could it be from the Middle East? And the final bit of news. On September 7, 2008, the Washington Times posted a verbal slip that was made on "This Week' with George Stephanapoulos. Obama on talking about his religion said, 'My Muslim faith...' When questioned, 'he made a mistake.' Some mistake!
All of the above information I got on line. If you would like to check it - Wikipedia, encyclopedia, Barak Obama; Tony Rezko; Valerie Jarrett; Daily Times - Obama visited Pakistan in 1981; The Washington Times - September 7, 2008; The Times, May 10, 2008.
Now the BIG question - If I found out all this information on my own, why haven't all of our 'intelligent' members of the press been reporting this? A phrase that keeps ringing in my ear - 'Beware of the enemy from within.'!"
new stock market terms - jokes
New Stock Market Terms
CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS 2008 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS 2008 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Your inheritance - scam spam email
Subject: Your inheritance
sent by: Peter Watson LLP
Sent Via Email: pwatsonukllp@gmail.com
Peter Watson LLP
Will & Probate Solicitors
101 Borough High Street LONDON SE1 1NL
Tel: +44-702-401-7451
Fax: +44-700-596-1494
Email: pwatsonllp13@googlemail.com
Compliments,
I know that this mail will come to you as a surprise, Please accept the content in good faith. I do not intend to cause any grief to you and your family. The reason for sending this mail is very fundamental to the doctrine of human privileges and right. My name is Barrister Peter Watson a legal practitioner based in London and the personal Attorney to late Mr. Adams, a national of your country who died along with his wife and two sons who died in the Tube explosion between King's Cross-and Russell Square in London.
My client was a successful and is an accomplished family man, who made enough fortune before his untimely death. Since then I had made several Inquiries through your Embassy to locate any of my clients extended relative but this exercise has proved unsuccessful. After several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to trace his relatives through the Internet, to locate any member of his family, not much progress was recorded. My late client was an influential wealthy businessman, an oil merchant here in London and he left behind a deposit of Twelve Million Two Hundred Thousand United States Dollars only ($12.2Millionusd) in his domiciliary bank account in a commercial bank here in London.
After the death of my client his bankers contacted me, as his Attorney to provide his next of kin who should inherit his funds. The board of directors of his bank adopted a resolution and I was mandated to provide his next of kin for the payment of this money within 28 Working days or forfeit the money to the bank as an abandoned property. The bankers had planned to invoke the abandoned property decree of 1996 to confiscate the funds after the expiration of the period given to me.
Fortunately, I came across your name, to my greatest astonishment, I discovered that you bear the same surname with my late client and coincidentally, you are nationals of the same country. Being convinced that you may be related with my late client or that you might provide clue to my search, I therefore, decided to contact with these facts before me, because of the similarities. By virtue of my closeness to the deceased and his immediate family, I am very much aware of my client financial standing and the bank account he operates.
I have reasoned very professionally and I feel it will be legally proper to present you as the next of kin of my deceased client, so that you can be paid the funds left in his bank account. I therefore seek your consent to present you as the Next of Kin to the Deceased since you are at an advantage, bearing the same surname and equally from the same country that the proceeds of this Bank Account valued at $12.2 Million Dollars can be paid to you. We shall both share the funds. 40% for me and 55% to you, while 5% should be for Expenses or your Government may require as Tax.
I shall assemble all the necessary Legal Documents that will be used to back up our claim. All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us seeing this deal through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of law.
Please get in touch with me by email with the information below to enable us discuss further.
Full names:
Address:
Telephone and fax numbers:
Age:
Marital Status:
Occupation:
A copy of your identity:
For privacy and confidentiality reply using my fax: +44-700-596-1494 or email: peterwatsonllp@aol.com . Tel: +44-702-401-7451,+44-704-576-0516,+44-704-575-9502. I will be expecting to hear from you.
Best Regards
Peter Watson.
sent by: Peter Watson LLP
Sent Via Email: pwatsonukllp@gmail.com
Peter Watson LLP
Will & Probate Solicitors
101 Borough High Street LONDON SE1 1NL
Tel: +44-702-401-7451
Fax: +44-700-596-1494
Email: pwatsonllp13@googlemail.com
Compliments,
I know that this mail will come to you as a surprise, Please accept the content in good faith. I do not intend to cause any grief to you and your family. The reason for sending this mail is very fundamental to the doctrine of human privileges and right. My name is Barrister Peter Watson a legal practitioner based in London and the personal Attorney to late Mr. Adams, a national of your country who died along with his wife and two sons who died in the Tube explosion between King's Cross-and Russell Square in London.
My client was a successful and is an accomplished family man, who made enough fortune before his untimely death. Since then I had made several Inquiries through your Embassy to locate any of my clients extended relative but this exercise has proved unsuccessful. After several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to trace his relatives through the Internet, to locate any member of his family, not much progress was recorded. My late client was an influential wealthy businessman, an oil merchant here in London and he left behind a deposit of Twelve Million Two Hundred Thousand United States Dollars only ($12.2Millionusd) in his domiciliary bank account in a commercial bank here in London.
After the death of my client his bankers contacted me, as his Attorney to provide his next of kin who should inherit his funds. The board of directors of his bank adopted a resolution and I was mandated to provide his next of kin for the payment of this money within 28 Working days or forfeit the money to the bank as an abandoned property. The bankers had planned to invoke the abandoned property decree of 1996 to confiscate the funds after the expiration of the period given to me.
Fortunately, I came across your name, to my greatest astonishment, I discovered that you bear the same surname with my late client and coincidentally, you are nationals of the same country. Being convinced that you may be related with my late client or that you might provide clue to my search, I therefore, decided to contact with these facts before me, because of the similarities. By virtue of my closeness to the deceased and his immediate family, I am very much aware of my client financial standing and the bank account he operates.
I have reasoned very professionally and I feel it will be legally proper to present you as the next of kin of my deceased client, so that you can be paid the funds left in his bank account. I therefore seek your consent to present you as the Next of Kin to the Deceased since you are at an advantage, bearing the same surname and equally from the same country that the proceeds of this Bank Account valued at $12.2 Million Dollars can be paid to you. We shall both share the funds. 40% for me and 55% to you, while 5% should be for Expenses or your Government may require as Tax.
I shall assemble all the necessary Legal Documents that will be used to back up our claim. All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us seeing this deal through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of law.
Please get in touch with me by email with the information below to enable us discuss further.
Full names:
Address:
Telephone and fax numbers:
Age:
Marital Status:
Occupation:
A copy of your identity:
For privacy and confidentiality reply using my fax: +44-700-596-1494 or email: peterwatsonllp@aol.com . Tel: +44-702-401-7451,+44-704-576-0516,+44-704-575-9502. I will be expecting to hear from you.
Best Regards
Peter Watson.
Fund Payment - scam spam email
Subject: Fund Payment
Sent by: HSBC Bank
Sent Via Email: westend_cbc@live.com
Determination: Complete scam spam email. Do not respond
Notice of payment of USD8.5M
This payment notice is to inform you that the sum of $8.5M has been approved and authorized for payment to you by my bank as your inheritance fund entitlement arising from the contract supplies your late uncle Brown executed for the United Nations Organization in the year 2005. Because of the earlier bureaucracies and rigorous payment approvals procedures, it was not possible for your late uncle to receive payment before he died. With the recent intervention of the United States Government, United Nations, and the European Union, the fund has now been approved for payment and HSBC Bank UK, appointed the paying bank to effect the payment. In preparing and slotting the fund for payment, you were listed as the substituted beneficiary to the fund owing to the death of the original beneficiary - your uncle, who died together with his entire family in a fatal car crash. HSBC Bank UK is therefore contacting you directly as the listed recipient to the fund with all formalities to the payment made in your name includ
Yours faithfully,
M. Chapman
Head of Corporate Banking Centre
HSBC bank, London, SW1Y 5EY
(Official appointee for the payment)
westend_cbc@live.com
Sent by: HSBC Bank
Sent Via Email: westend_cbc@live.com
Determination: Complete scam spam email. Do not respond
Notice of payment of USD8.5M
This payment notice is to inform you that the sum of $8.5M has been approved and authorized for payment to you by my bank as your inheritance fund entitlement arising from the contract supplies your late uncle Brown executed for the United Nations Organization in the year 2005. Because of the earlier bureaucracies and rigorous payment approvals procedures, it was not possible for your late uncle to receive payment before he died. With the recent intervention of the United States Government, United Nations, and the European Union, the fund has now been approved for payment and HSBC Bank UK, appointed the paying bank to effect the payment. In preparing and slotting the fund for payment, you were listed as the substituted beneficiary to the fund owing to the death of the original beneficiary - your uncle, who died together with his entire family in a fatal car crash. HSBC Bank UK is therefore contacting you directly as the listed recipient to the fund with all formalities to the payment made in your name includ
Yours faithfully,
M. Chapman
Head of Corporate Banking Centre
HSBC bank, London, SW1Y 5EY
(Official appointee for the payment)
westend_cbc@live.com
Protect Your Online Access Account - scam spam email
Subject of scam email: Protect Your Online Access Account
Jefferson Parish Employees F.C.U.
updatedepartment@jpefcu.org
Determination: scam spam email
Dear Customer,
At Jefferson Parish Employees Federal Credit Union, the highest responsability to our customers is the safekeeping of confidential information you have entrusted to us and using it in a responsable manner. A fundamental element of safeguarding your confidential information is to provide protection against unauthorized access or use of this information. We maintain physical, electronic and procedural safeguards that comply with the federal guidelines to guard your nonpublic personal information against unauthorized access.
At this time we need you to confirm your e-mail address with our existing database. As soon as our database will be updated we need to make few important announcements to our customers so please update your contact information with no delay.
Update Your Jefferson Parish Employees Federal Credit Union Online Account http://www.jpefcusetup.org/
Our database will be instantly updated.
We are committed to the responsible use and protection of customer information on our website. If you have any questions regarding our services, please check the website or call our customer service.
Best Regards,
Jefferson Parish Employees Federal Credit Union Online Department.
* Please do not reply to this email, as your reply will not be received. This is an automatic notification of new security messages.
Jefferson Parish Employees F.C.U.
updatedepartment@jpefcu.org
Determination: scam spam email
Dear Customer,
At Jefferson Parish Employees Federal Credit Union, the highest responsability to our customers is the safekeeping of confidential information you have entrusted to us and using it in a responsable manner. A fundamental element of safeguarding your confidential information is to provide protection against unauthorized access or use of this information. We maintain physical, electronic and procedural safeguards that comply with the federal guidelines to guard your nonpublic personal information against unauthorized access.
At this time we need you to confirm your e-mail address with our existing database. As soon as our database will be updated we need to make few important announcements to our customers so please update your contact information with no delay.
Update Your Jefferson Parish Employees Federal Credit Union Online Account http://www.jpefcusetup.org/
Our database will be instantly updated.
We are committed to the responsible use and protection of customer information on our website. If you have any questions regarding our services, please check the website or call our customer service.
Best Regards,
Jefferson Parish Employees Federal Credit Union Online Department.
* Please do not reply to this email, as your reply will not be received. This is an automatic notification of new security messages.
Urgent Assistance! - scam spam email from Barrister Fong
This is a total scam. I have the Wikipedia Link!
Sent by: Barrister Fong
Sent Via: anderson.fong@yahoo.com
ANDERSON FONG & ASSOCIATES
SOLICITORS AND ADVOCATE
NO. 24, JALAN MELAKA RAYA 31,
TAMAN MELAKA RAYA,
MALAYSIA.
ATTENTION:
I am Anderson Fong, an attorney at law. A deceased client of mine, that shares the same last name as yours, died as a result of a heart-related condition on March 12th 2005. His heart condition was due to the death of all the members of his family in the tsunami disaster on the 26th December2004 in Sumatra Indonesia. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2004_Indian_Ocean_earthquake
I am contacting you to seek your consent to present you as the next of kin to my late client. He has a deposit of Seventeen Million Five hundred Thousand Dollars (US$17,500,000) left behind.
This will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. If this business proposition offends your moral values, do accept my apology.
I can be reached on anderson.fong@gmail.com
Best regards,
Barrister Anderson Fong.
Attorney at Law.
This communication, links contained herein, is for the sole use of the intended recipient and may contain information that is confidential or legally protected.
Sent by: Barrister Fong
Sent Via: anderson.fong@yahoo.com
ANDERSON FONG & ASSOCIATES
SOLICITORS AND ADVOCATE
NO. 24, JALAN MELAKA RAYA 31,
TAMAN MELAKA RAYA,
MALAYSIA.
ATTENTION:
I am Anderson Fong, an attorney at law. A deceased client of mine, that shares the same last name as yours, died as a result of a heart-related condition on March 12th 2005. His heart condition was due to the death of all the members of his family in the tsunami disaster on the 26th December2004 in Sumatra Indonesia. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2004_Indian_Ocean_earthquake
I am contacting you to seek your consent to present you as the next of kin to my late client. He has a deposit of Seventeen Million Five hundred Thousand Dollars (US$17,500,000) left behind.
This will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. If this business proposition offends your moral values, do accept my apology.
I can be reached on anderson.fong@gmail.com
Best regards,
Barrister Anderson Fong.
Attorney at Law.
This communication, links contained herein, is for the sole use of the intended recipient and may contain information that is confidential or legally protected.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Men strike back with Marvin!
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a wo man?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-----------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me....'
-----------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
----------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
----------------------------------------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
----------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
------------------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
------------------------------------------------------
Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select few women who can handle it!
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a wo man?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-----------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me....'
-----------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
----------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
----------------------------------------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
----------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
------------------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
------------------------------------------------------
Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select few women who can handle it!
Thursday, October 2, 2008
SHANA TOVA...BLESSED YEAR - Great Story and blessing
Come with me to a third grade classroom...
There is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there is a puddle between his feet and the front of his pants are wet. He thinks his heart is going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine how this has happened. It's never happened before, and he knows that when the boys find out he will never hear the end of it. When the girls find out, they'll never speak to him again as long as he lives.
The boy believes his heart is going to stop; he puts his head down and prays this prayer, 'Dear G-d, this is an emergency! I need help now! Five minutes from now I'm dead meat.'
He looks up from his prayer and here comes the teacher with a look in her eyes that say he has been discovered.
As the teacher is walking toward him, a classmate named Susie is carrying a goldfish bowl that is filled with water. Susie trips in front of the teacher and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water in the boy's lap.
The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while is saying to himself, 'Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!'
Now all of a sudden, instead of being the object of ridicule, the boy is the object of sympathy. The teacher rushes him downstairs and gives him gym shorts to put on while his pants dry out. All the other children are on their hands and knees cleaning up around his desk. The sympathy is wonderful. But as life would have it, the ridicule that should have been his has been transferred to someone else - Susie.
She tries to help, but they tell her to get out. 'You've done enough, you klutz!'
Finally, at the end of the day, as they are waiting for the bus, the boy walks over to Susie and whispers, 'You did that on purpose, didn't you?' Susie whispers back, 'I wet my pants once too.' May G-d help us see the opportunities that are always around us to do good.
Each and everyone one of us is going through tough times right now, but G-d is getting ready to bless you in a way that only He can. Keep the faith.
My instructions were to pick four (4) people that I wanted G-d to bless, and I picked you. Please pass this to at least four (4) people you want to be blessed and a copy back to me.
This prayer is powerful, and prayer is one of the best gifts we receive. There is no cost but a lot of rewards. Let's continue to pray for one another.
The Prayer:
Hashem, I ask You to bless my friends, relatives and those that I care deeply for, who are reading this right now. Show them a new revelation of Your love and power. Hashem, I ask You to minister to their spirit at this very moment. Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy. Where there is self-doubt, release a renewed confidence through Your grace.
Where there is need, I ask you to fulfill their needs. Bless their homes, families, finances, their goings and their comings. Amen.
(If Hashem lays upon your heart to send this to more than four '4' people, you are truly blessed)
l'shana tova tikateivu, v'teichzat
There is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there is a puddle between his feet and the front of his pants are wet. He thinks his heart is going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine how this has happened. It's never happened before, and he knows that when the boys find out he will never hear the end of it. When the girls find out, they'll never speak to him again as long as he lives.
The boy believes his heart is going to stop; he puts his head down and prays this prayer, 'Dear G-d, this is an emergency! I need help now! Five minutes from now I'm dead meat.'
He looks up from his prayer and here comes the teacher with a look in her eyes that say he has been discovered.
As the teacher is walking toward him, a classmate named Susie is carrying a goldfish bowl that is filled with water. Susie trips in front of the teacher and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water in the boy's lap.
The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while is saying to himself, 'Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!'
Now all of a sudden, instead of being the object of ridicule, the boy is the object of sympathy. The teacher rushes him downstairs and gives him gym shorts to put on while his pants dry out. All the other children are on their hands and knees cleaning up around his desk. The sympathy is wonderful. But as life would have it, the ridicule that should have been his has been transferred to someone else - Susie.
She tries to help, but they tell her to get out. 'You've done enough, you klutz!'
Finally, at the end of the day, as they are waiting for the bus, the boy walks over to Susie and whispers, 'You did that on purpose, didn't you?' Susie whispers back, 'I wet my pants once too.' May G-d help us see the opportunities that are always around us to do good.
Each and everyone one of us is going through tough times right now, but G-d is getting ready to bless you in a way that only He can. Keep the faith.
My instructions were to pick four (4) people that I wanted G-d to bless, and I picked you. Please pass this to at least four (4) people you want to be blessed and a copy back to me.
This prayer is powerful, and prayer is one of the best gifts we receive. There is no cost but a lot of rewards. Let's continue to pray for one another.
The Prayer:
Hashem, I ask You to bless my friends, relatives and those that I care deeply for, who are reading this right now. Show them a new revelation of Your love and power. Hashem, I ask You to minister to their spirit at this very moment. Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy. Where there is self-doubt, release a renewed confidence through Your grace.
Where there is need, I ask you to fulfill their needs. Bless their homes, families, finances, their goings and their comings. Amen.
(If Hashem lays upon your heart to send this to more than four '4' people, you are truly blessed)
l'shana tova tikateivu, v'teichzat
The beer investment - joke
If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago you would have $49.00 left.
With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.
With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling refund, you would have $214.00 cash. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. It's called the 401-Keg.
A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found Americans drink approximately 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Kind of makes you proud to be an American !
With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.
With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling refund, you would have $214.00 cash. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. It's called the 401-Keg.
A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found Americans drink approximately 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Kind of makes you proud to be an American !
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
3 dogs liver cheese - funny joke
Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.
The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.
The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, 'The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.'
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, 'I love liver and cheese.'
'Oh, how childish,' said the Poodle. 'That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.' She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says 'How well can you do?'
'Um. I HATE liver and cheese,' blurts the Golden Retriever.
'My, my,' said the Poodle. 'I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence.'
She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, 'How about you, little guy?'
The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in finesse, is a Chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says....
"Liver alone. Cheese mine."
The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.
The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, 'The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.'
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, 'I love liver and cheese.'
'Oh, how childish,' said the Poodle. 'That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.' She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says 'How well can you do?'
'Um. I HATE liver and cheese,' blurts the Golden Retriever.
'My, my,' said the Poodle. 'I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence.'
She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, 'How about you, little guy?'
The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in finesse, is a Chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says....
"Liver alone. Cheese mine."
Whether Democrat or Republican, I think you'll get a kick out of this political joke!
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Gentle Thoughts for Today - more funny sayings
Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement!
He who hesitates is probably right.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are ' XL.'
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
If you can smile when things go wrong , you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs.'
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement!
He who hesitates is probably right.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are ' XL.'
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
If you can smile when things go wrong , you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs.'
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Inner Peace - seen this before but it is good
I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives.
By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace.
Dr Phil proclaimed, 'The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished.'
So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of White Zinfandel, a
bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates.
You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now.
Pass this on to those whom you think might be in need of inner peace.
By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace.
Dr Phil proclaimed, 'The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished.'
So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of White Zinfandel, a
bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates.
You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now.
Pass this on to those whom you think might be in need of inner peace.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Nude Photo of Sarah Palin Virus
If you get an e-mail with 'Nude Photos of Sarah Palin' in the subject line, do not open it. It might contain a virus.
If you get an e-mail with 'Nude Photos of Hillary Clinton', do not open it. It might contain nude photos of Hillary Clinton.
If you get an e-mail with 'Nude Photos of Hillary Clinton', do not open it. It might contain nude photos of Hillary Clinton.
Quickies - jokes
Quickies - jokes
I dialed a number and got the following recording:
'I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the Beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes.'
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.
The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere.
God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.
I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
I dialed a number and got the following recording:
'I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the Beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes.'
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.
The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere.
God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.
I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Memo from Human Resources
Memo from Human Resources
Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.
Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.
Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?
Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.
Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!
Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.
Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.
Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?
Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.
Number 10
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?
Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He 's got his head up his a__.
Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.
Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.
Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.
Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.
Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.
Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?
Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.
Thank You,
Human Resources
Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.
Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.
Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?
Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.
Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!
Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.
Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.
Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?
Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.
Number 10
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?
Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He 's got his head up his a__.
Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.
Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.
Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.
Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.
Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.
Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?
Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.
Thank You,
Human Resources
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