Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Italian Tomato Garden -joke

An Old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.
Love, Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son..........

Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you,
Vinnie

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

software spam

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We deliver superior software and services that empower our partners and customers to dramatically improve their development, deployment, integration and management of quality applications all over the world.

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Enlarge Patches - spam

What was that license number again, Flackie?" I caught him off guard. Flack took hold of the arms of his chair and squeezed. His voice came Mavis Weld didn't move, didn't look at her. She looked at me. But there

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I started slow since I did not know much about the exercises but once I retained some experience I began to introduce myself to the more advanced ones and that is when my penis started growing.
I can not thank Enlarge Patch Rx enough. So overall I started at about 6 inches in length and about 4 inches in girth, which is quite normal and now im 7 1/4 inches in length and 4 3/4 inches in girth. An entire inch in both length and girth in a matter of a month! If you want to have gains and keep them forever you have to try Enlarge Patch Rx, believe me you will not regret it!"
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How do they work?
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"Party in 332. Remember? He doesn't answer his door." "I have some stills Whitey wants me to deliver tonight." "I wrote to him where I'd be staying," she said at last

Monday, May 28, 2007

What it takes to fish joke

First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out
fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.

Second guy: "That is nothing; I had to promise my wife that I will build
her a new deck".

Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I
will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not said
a word. So they asked him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to
do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?"

Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off
my alarm, gave my wife a nudge and said, "Fishing or Sex" and she said,
"Wear sun-block."

The Spaghetti joke

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. His wife said, "Honey, you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it," he said. The wife handed him the card and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and collapsed.

On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without! Request bread..."

Paypal Phishing scam

Dear PayPal Member,

This email confirms that you have sent an eBay payment of $47.85 USD to
johnnyz22(at)netzero.com for an eBay item.

-----------------------------------
Payment Details
-----------------------------------

Amount: $47.85 USD

Transaction ID: 2LC956793J776333Y

Subject: Digimax 130

Note:
If you haven't authorized this charge ,click the link below to dispute transaction
and get full refund

Dispute transaction (Encrypted Link )

*SSL connection:
PayPal automatically encrypts your confidential information
in transit from your computer to ours using the Secure
Sockets Layer protocol (SSL) with an encryption key length
of 128-bits (the highest level commercially available)

-----------------------------------
Item Information
-----------------------------------

eBay User ID: scratchandgnaw2

----------------------------------------------------------------
Edward Harrell's UNCONFIRMED Address
----------------------------------------------------------------

Edward Harrell
211 David St.
Springtown, TX 76082
United States

Important Note: Edward Harrell has provided an Unconfirmed Address. If
you are planning on shipping items to Edward Harrell, please check the
Transaction Details page of this payment to find out whether you will
be covered by the PayPal Seller Protection Policy.

----------------------------------------------------------------
This payment was sent using your bank account.

By using your bank account to send money, you just:

- Paid easily and securely
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- Paid instantly -- your purchase won't show up on bills at the end of
the month.

Thanks for using your bank account!

----------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you for using PayPal!
The PayPal Team
PayPal Email ID PP118

Teaching Math 1950-2006 - joke

Math 1950-2006

Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The countergirl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried.Why do I tell you this?

Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:

1. Teaching Math In 1950
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

2. Teaching Math In 1960
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

3. Teaching Math In 1970
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Math In 1980
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Math In 1990
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of$20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers. )

6. Teaching Math In 2006
Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?

_
"We have room but for one language here, and that is the English language.....and we have room but for one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."-T. Roosevelt-1907

Gas prices? This has possibilities! - chain email

THIS IS NOT THE 'DON'T BUY' GAS FOR ONE DAY, BUT IT WILL SHOW YOU HOW WE CAN GET GAS BACK DOWN TO $1.30 PER GALLON.

This was sent by a retired Coca Cola executive. It came from one of his engineer buddies who retired from Halliburton. If you are tired of the gas prices going up AND they will continue to rise this summer, take time to read this please.

Phillip Hollsworth offered this good idea. This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the "don't buy gas on a certain day" campaign that was going around last April or May! It's worth your consideration. Join the resistance!!!!

I hear we are going to hit close to $4.00 a gallon by next summer and it might go higher!! Want gasoline prices to come down?

We need to take some intelligent, united action. The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew we wouldn't continue to "hurt" ourselves by refusing to buy gas.

It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them.
BUT, whoever thought of this idea, has come up with a plan that can Really work. Please read on and join with us!

By now you're probably thinking gasoline priced at about $2.00 is super cheap. Me too! It is currently $2.98 for regular unleaded in my town.

Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have conditioned us to think that the cost of a gallon of gas is CHEAP at $1.50 - $1.75, we need to take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control the marketplace..not sellers.

With the price of gasoline going up more each day, we consumers need to take action.

The only way we are going to see the price of gas come down is if we hit someone in the pocketbook by not purchasing their gas! And, we can do that WITHOUT hurting ourselves.

How? Since we all rely on our cars, we can't just stop buying gas.

But we CAN have an impact on gas prices if we all act together to force a price war.

Here's the idea: For the rest of this year, DON'T purchase ANY gasoline from the two biggest companies (which now are one), EXXON and MOBIL.

If they are not selling any gas, they will be inclined to reduce their prices. If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit.

But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of Exxon and Mobil gas buyers. It's really simple to do! Now, don't wimp out on me at this point...keep reading and I'll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people!!

I am sending this note to 30 people. If each of us send it to at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300) ... and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000)...and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth group of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers.
If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted!

If it goes one level further, you guessed it..... THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE!!!

Again, all you have to do is send this to 10 people. That's all!

(If you don't understand how we can reach 300 million and all you have to do is send this to 10 people.... Well, let's face it, you just aren't a mathematician. But I am so trust me on this one.

How long would all that take? If each of us sends this e-mail out to ten more people within one day of receipt, all 300 MILLION people could conceivably be contacted within the next 8 days!!!

I'll bet you didn't think you and I had that much potential, did you!
Acting together we can make a difference.

If this makes sense to you, please pass this message on. I suggest that we not buy from EXXON/MOBIL UNTIL THEY LOWER THEIR PRICES TO THE $2.00 RANGE AND KEEP THEM DOWN. THIS CAN REALLY WORK.

Keep it going

Sunday, May 27, 2007

PLEEEEEEASE REEEEEAD! IT WAS ON GOOD MORNING AMERICA - Junk chainmail scam

(confirmed false by Snopes)

THIS TOOK TWO PAGES OF THE TUESDAY USA TODAY - IT IS FOR REAL

To all of my friends, I do not usually forward messages, But this is from my friend Pearlas Sandborn and she really is an attorney.

If she says that this will work - It will work. After all,What have you got to lose?

SORRY EVERYBODY.. JUST HAD TO TAKE THE CHANCE!!! I'm an attorney, And I know the law. This thing is for real. Rest assured

AOL and Intel will follow through with their promises for fear of facing a multimillion-dollar class action suit similar to the one filed by PepsiCo against General Electric not too long ago.

Dear Friends: Please do not take this for a junk letter. Bill Gates sharing his fortune. If you ignore this, You will repent later.

Microsoft and AOL are now the largest Inte rnet companies and in an effort to make sure that Internet Explorer remains the most widely used program, Microsoft and AOL are running an e-mail beta test.

When you forward this e-mail to friends, Microsoft can and will track it (If you are a Microsoft Windows user) For a two weeks time period.

For every person that you forward this e-mail to, Microsoft will pay you $245.00 For every person that you sent it to that forwards it on, Microsoft will pay you $243.00 and for every third person that receives it, You will be paid $241.00 Within two weeks, Microsoft will contact you for your address and then send you a check.

Regards. Charles S Bailey General Manager Field Operations

1-800-842-2332 Ext. 1085 or 904-1085 or RNX 292-1085

Thought this was a scam myself, But two weeks after receiving this e-mail and forwarding it on. Microsoft contacted me for my address and within days, I received a check for $24,800.00. You need to respond before the beta testing is over. If anyone can affoard this, Bill Gates is the man.

It's all marketing expense to him. Please forward this to as many people as possible. You are bound to get at least $10,000.00 We're not going to help them out with their e-mail beta test without getting a little something for our time. My brother's girlfriend got in on this a few months ago. When I went to visit him for the Baylor/UT game, she showed me her check. It was for the sum of $4,324.44 and was stamped "Paid In Full".

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Anatrim spam

Anatrim - the strongest lose flesh blend is now available wherever you like!!!

Like great number of people around the planet, you may have seen the exciting Oprah news report on the enchanting new diet sensational breakthrough "Anatrim Cactus", surprising present-day product that conquered the weight loss industry immediately!

* Take Obesity by Assault
* Suppresses feeling of hunger like second to none
* One hundred percent Herbal & Inoffensive
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"Nothing of the kind! My wife and I have been exhausting diets for many years. It has been a thwarting trip I ought to acknowledge. Your stuff did us a good turn to drop 33 kilogrames between us during 2 months. It happened 7 months ago and up to here the weight did not get back! The very sincere thanx to you we said. Thank you!!!"

Sasha and Klark K., Los-Angeles

See more delighted testimonial letters at our web page!!!

This is beautiful ! Try not to cry. - chain email

When you're down to nothing, God is up to something."

She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: "How is my little boy ? Is he going to be all right ? When can I see him?"

The surgeon said, "I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it."

Sally said, "Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you ?"

The surgeon asked, "Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university."

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. "Would you like a lock of his hair?" the nurse asked.

Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.

The mother said, "It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. "I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom." She went on, "My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking! of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could."

Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.

The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room.

She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She laid down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.

It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Laying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said:

"Dear Mom, I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say "I Love You". I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD ! And guess what, Mom ? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom ? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter. I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'Where was He when I needed him ?' "God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children. Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool ? I have to give God His pen back now. He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore. The cancer is all gone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery ! How about that?

Signed with Love from God, Jesus and Me.!

(Let's see Satan stop this one.) Take 60 seconds and repost this, within the hour, you will have caused a multitude of believers to pray to God for each other. Then sit back and feel the Holy Spirit work in your life for doing what you know God loves "When you're down to nothing, God is up to something."

Friday, May 25, 2007

Ebay tips for dummies - spam

**************************************************
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A GENIUS TO SUCCEED ON EBAY!
**************************************************

Kim from Oklahoma made $500.00 the first time she tried selling on EBAY!

- She used our Auction Success Kit!

- She earned it in a few short hours!

- She had no past experience!

- Our Kit is FREE for a limited time, get it now!

Shopper: Fine Wine Connoisseurs - wine spam

Dear Valued Customer #864713547 Shopper!

Your Special 4 Seasons Introductory Offer

Get 6 bottles free with the purchase of 6 bottles!

That is 12 Bottles of Premium Wine
Only $4.99 per Bottle

(normal retail average of $16/bottle)

Click Below to Order!
(link removed)
If the above link is not active, please cut and paste the entire address into your browser

With your first order you will receive
our Vintner's Reserve Tabletop Wine Opener...
a $139.95 value -- Absolutely Free!

• The preferred opener for professionals and beginners alike • Will pull a cork in 3 seconds flat • No more mangled or broken corks • No more straining and tugging on unopened bottles • Works on all sizes and types of wine bottles


Click Below to Order!
(link removed)
If the above link is not active, please cut and paste the entire address into your browser

Every wine in our "4 Seasons" selections has been carefully chosen for its quality and value by a team of experienced buyers. Our team travels to the actual wineries around the world, seeking out wines with unique character and depth of flavor.

The full retail value of the wine and the Vintner's Reserve Opener is well over $300!
Everything is yours for just $59.88*.

Click Below to Order!
(link removed)
If the above link is not active, please cut and paste the entire address into your browser

If you love wine, you'll love this offer!

Click Below to Order!
(link removed)
If the above link is not active, please cut and paste the entire address into your browser

Your satisfaction is 100% guaranteed!

*Plus Shipping and tax

Youre in control of your own destiny with a franchise - spam

Be Your Own Boss Shopper!

Take the first steps to financial independence.

4 easy steps toward starting your path to business ownership:

1. Select criteria
2. Pick franchises
3. Click "Request information"
4. Enter your information

With FranchiseGator, you could start your own business! With four simple steps, you are already down the path towards franchise onwership in a few minutes. The time has come to be financially independent. Take the first step now and you could change your life forever.

(link removed)

You are receiving this message because you agreed to accept electronic mail from the publisher listed below. To unsubscribe from the publisher, please see their instructions at the bottom of this message.

If you would prefer to continue to receive electronic message messages from the publisher, but no longer wish to receive messages promoting this offer, you may contact us at :
c/o: Spamming idiots called Franchise Gator 315 5th Ave S., Suite 100 Seattle, WA 98104 or please cut and paste the following URL into your browser's address bar:

(link removed)

Can't buy rx medications in a local drug store? - SPAM

"It's a little late for a business call," the big man said and hid hal Detective Lieutenant Christy French growled. "Think it's the first tim "I moved from 215 across the hail. This here is a better room. That's _____

Warning! Do not buy enhancement pills, they don't work!

Over the past few years the market has become swamped with imitation male enhancement pills, making it virtually impossible to know what is legitimate and what is fake!

The logical step that millions of men are taking is to switch over to the more effective and potent male enhancement Patches.

Millions of men are already applying male enhancement patches daily and watching their size and drive go through the roof! Patches deliver the product into your system in a quicker and more efficient manner than a pill ever could. They are also safer and more discrete, no need to awkwardly carry around a bottle of pills. Enlarge Patch Rx is simply the best patch you will find, anywhere!

Our Enlarge Patches are the most respected in the industry, the highest quality at the best price.

As of yet no other patch has matched ours for pure potency and effectiveness, the results you see from using Enlarge Patch are unreal!

Here are just a few of the thousands of happy testimonials we receive every year;

"Hi, I have been using Enlarge Patch Rxfor one month. I could not believe my eyes after about a week of using the product because my flaccid length only grew a tremendous amount.

I started slow since I did not know much about the exercises but once I retained some experience I began to introduce myself to the more advanced ones and that is when my penis started growing.

I can not thank Enlarge Patch Rx enough. So overall I started at about 6 inches in length and about 4 inches in girth, which is quite normal and now im 7 1/4 inches in length and 4 3/4 inches in girth. An entire inch in both length and girth in a matter of a month! If you want to have gains and keep them forever you have to try Enlarge Patch Rx, believe me you will not regret it!"
Robbie V. Texas

"I suppose my story won't be somewhat unusual to you. I'm a young man of 25 and I was completely frustrated about my small penis. I was so shy to show it to any of the girl I had “relationship” with that I basically had no sexual life at all.
Enlarge Patch Rx patches did incredible thing to me. I was using them for 4 months and my penis is much more thicker and about 2.5 inches longer now. All my doubts are gone. I really appreciate what you're guys doing. Thanx for saving my life! "
Geoff R. Rhode Island

Have questions about Patches and how they work?

How do they work?
Are they safe?
Is there a guarantee?
Are results permanent?

Visit our website for all the answers! (link removed)

*UPDATE!* We are now offering a special discount price to all customers as thanks for all the repeat business we have had over the past year! Visit our site to see the unreal price discounts we are offering for a limited time only!

Don't wait, join millions of other men in improving themselves and pleasing their partners more every day!

Click here to view price specials and website! (link removed)

_____ "I wasn't going to eat it," I said. "I'm not that hungry." He took a s There was a dead pause. Dr. Lagardie said: "I can't think of any comme "Make it two hundred then. I could retire on that."

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Social Security for Aliens - foolish chain email

(Confirmed ridiculous and a waste of time by Snopes)

Mom was a homemaker and Dad worked all his life and paid into SS. Dad has passed away and now Mom can barely make ends meet. While the possible "illegal" alien in front of her at the grocery store buys the name brands, Mom goes for the generic brands, and day old breads. She doesn't have out of state calling on her phone, because she can't afford it and shops at the thrift shops and dollar stores!

She considers having a pizza delivered once a week "eating out". She grew up during the depression, watched her husband go overseas to fight in WW II a year after their marriage, and then they went on to raise, feed and clothe 5 children, struggling to pay tuition for parochial schools.

The Senate voted this week to allow "illegal" aliens access to Social Security benefits. I'm sorry, but how can the Senate justify this slap in the face to born and bred, or naturalized citizens.

It is already impossible to live on Social Security alone. If they give benefits to "illegal" aliens who have never contributed, where does that leave us that have paid into Social Security all our
working lives?

Attached is an opportunity to sign a petition that requires citizenship for eligibility to receive Social services. If you do not wish to sign the petition yourself, please forward on to anyone you think might be interested.

PETITION FOR: President Bush Mr. President:

The petition below is a protest against the recent vote of the senate which was to allow illegal aliens access to our social security! We demand that you and all congressional representatives require citizenship for anyone to be eligible for social services in the United States.

1. Mary Takami , Calif.

2. Connie Dodd. Calif.

3. Frank Beirau , Calif.

4. Barbara Murray , Calif.

5. DodyFarha , Okla.

6, Woody Farho, Okla

7. Donna Capatosto , CA

8. Larry Capatosto , CA

9. Ryan Capatosto , CA

10. Sam anthaCapatosto , CA

11. Nancy Brown, Torrance , CA

12. Daniel Brown, Torrance , CA

13. Tamara Clark, Torrance , CA

14. Darrin Clark,Torrance , CA

15. J. L. Thome, Torrance , CA

16. J. E. Thome,torrance , CA

17. Phillip Cook, Manhattan B each, CA

18. HowardTh! rall, Ra ncho Palos Verdes , CA

19. Jim Lehman The Dalles ,

20. TOM JENSEN, SAN ANTONIO , TX

21. Ed Melone Phoenix AZ

22Laetitia Borden Phoenix AZ

23 bob reid, mesa az

24 janet reid,mesa az

25 kaley reid, mesa a z

26 antonio reid, mesa az

27.Spike Graham, Paradise Valley , AZ

28. Wendy Graham, Paradise Valley , AZ

29. Joe Johnston, Gilbert AZ

30. Jerry Eppler, Carmel ,CA

31. Mary Worth, Prescott AZ

32 Gary Carville, Los Altos ,CA

33. Ron Jeziorski, Santa Clara , CA

34. Jeff Jeziorski,Thousand Oaks , CA

35. Gary Kos, Thousand Oaks , CA

36. SusanKos, Thousand Oaks , CA

37. Pie rre Gerardy, Fillmore , CA

38.Cynthia Nadeau, Van Nuys , CA

39. Sean Nadeau, Van Nuys , CA

40. Kyle Nadeau, van Nuys , CA

41. William Coburn, ShermanOaks , CA

42. James Harper, ShermanOaks , CA

43. Carver Shannon, LosAngeles , CA

44. Paul Turgeon, Los Angeles , CA

45. CathyWainwright, Redondo Beac h , CA

46. Thomas Raoch, Redondo Beach ,CA

47. Doris Roach, Redondo Beac h , CA

48 John Sabel, RedondoBeac h , CA

49. Howard Wood, Redndo beach, CA

50 VincentWainwright, San Diego , CA

51. David Kauffman, San Diego , CA

52. Don Jorgenson, Hawthrone , CA

53. Sam Gerardi, Redondo Beac h , CA

54. Michele Crowley , PA

55. Richard Crowley , PA

56.Bill Thompson

57. Jan Thompson

58 Brit Lane

59. Therese Blyleven

60. Eugenia Barney

61. Larry Barney

62 Barbara M.Kohl Tonasket , Wa

63. J. A. LOWMAN, YUMA , AZ

64. DevetaPapania, Yuma , AZ

65. B. Picciano , AZ

66. A. Picciano , AZ

67. J. lang, Ar.68. W.lang, Ar.

69. C. Gully, Ca.

70. J.Gully, Ca.

71. C Rusch Ca

72. Chryl Gallagher, Ca

73. Dominic Cerra , CA .

74. Tracy Regan, Vista , CA

75. YvonneHamnquist, Vista , CA >

76. Mike Hamnquis t, Vista , CA

77.Myrrl Hamnquist, Vista , CA

78. Janette McLintock, Vista , CA

79. Robert McLintock, Vista , CA

80. Robert McLintock, Jr., Lincoln, NE !

81. Katie McLin tock, Lincoln , NE

82. J. Woodburn,Vista , CA

83. M. A. Woodburn, Vista , CA

84. C. A. Woodburn,Vista , CA

85. Gerald A. Boswell, Prescott , AZ

86. Rehab S. Boswell, Prescott , AZ

87 Oliver Taylor, Prescott , AZ

88.Carolyn S. Taylor, Prescott , AZ

89 Thomas A. Reid

90 Shirley L.Reid

91 Susan Whiteley Las Vegas , NV

92 Paul Whitele y LasVegas , NV

93. Barbara Meyer , CA

94. William Damery

95Richard Anderson , Pioneer, CA.

96 Debbie Anderson, Pioneer, CA.

97 Gary Dorall,Pioneer, CA

98 Jean Dorall, Pioneer, CA.

99Janice Ande rson CA

100 Orville Anderson CA

101 Charles Scanlon,CA

102 Dol ores Scanlon , CA

103 Donald R. Burr

104 DarleneY. Burr

105 Richard W. Bothman

106 Dennis Holmes , CAlifornia

107. Harlan L. Bowe, Sierra Vista , AZ

108 Larry Bonham

109.Merle Forst Oregon

110 Marlena Forst, California

111. Gayle Heiser, Oregon

112. Pat W ells, California

113. JanWendell, Texas

114. Sharon Schutz, Texas

115. David Schutz,Texas

116. Kitty Jones, Texas

117. Carolyn Joynt, Tennessee

118. Paul Brown, MS

119. Connie Brown, MS

120. John ny L. Sanders, LA

121 . Rebecca T. Sanders, LA

122. John Dukes ,La.

123. Lois M. Dukes, La.

124. Terry Wilson, La.

125 DeanWilkerson , AR

126. W. Curtis Hicks

127. Gypsy N. Hicks

128. Neil H. Dobbins, AR

129. Regi na MDobbins , AR

130. Ida L.Kennedy, AR

131. Frank Bonner, Ca

132. DeAndra Boydd , CA

133. Marcus Boydd, CA

134. Danny Michaels, CA

135. DanielMeditz, CA

136. Dorothy Gehring, CA

137. Harvey B . Walker ,Anaheim ,Ca

138. Linda L. Walker, Anaheim ,Ca

139. KC Douglas,Anaheim ,Ca

140. Brandi L. Walker Anaheim Hills, Ca

141.Za ch Bevans, Anaheim Hills, Ca

142. Devin D. Schroeder, Corona,Ca

143. Paul Schroeder, Corona ,Ca

144. Nancee Micham,Taneyville , Mo

145. M ike Micham, Taneyville, Ca

146HelenSabin, Rancho Palos Verdes ,Ca

147. Julie Clarke, San Pedro , CA

148. Nikola Brajevich, Rancho Palos Verdes , CA

149.R i chard Bulot, San Pedro , CA

150. Joe B Cagle, Irvine ,CA

151.Ronald A. Cotta, Redondo Beac h , CA

152 CarolWaselenchuk , FL

153 Jeanette J. Brooks, Madsen , FL

154.Sheryl L. Brooks-Kyleen, Madsen , FL

155 Linda Luchnick, Brick, NJ

156. Rand Madsen, FL

157 David A. Whitehorn, Fl.

158 MaryWhitehorn, Fl.

158 James H. Peak

159 Janith E. Peak

160 Bill Millholland

161 Barbara Millholland<

162 GeraldPowell

163 Linda Powell

164 RAYMOND KUHN

165 DoloresKuhn

166 Roger Parrish

167 Joanne Parri sh

168 Mike Volpe,Florida

169 Betty Volpe, Florida

170 Kyle L. Hartzell,Florida

171 Thom Milnor, Douglasville , GA

172 Eileen Milnor,Douglasville , GA

173 Gary Milnor, Douglasvill e , GA

174 Jackie Francis, Douglasville , GA

175 Lawrence P. Pate , Avon Park ,Florida

176 Pe nn y Socin, Arlington , Texas

178 Jerry Soci n,Arlington , Texas

179 Rader, Belvidere , Illinois

180 MarnieMowles, Marion , Montana

181 William R. Miller Jr, KANSAS

182Linda Miller, KANSAS

183 David Dielman

184 Orland Rosell

185. Amber Brooks

186. Jason Rosell

187.Courtney Brooks ,Pensacola , Florida

188. Becky Brooks, Pensacola , Florida

189. Pam Leonard, Cantonment, FL

190. James T., Pensacola , FL

191. W.Thomas TN

19 2. H Thomas TN

193. Fort Wayne Hopper,AL

194. B Clark , AL

195. C. Jordan, Al.

196. R. Knight

197. D. H. Blackwelder, FL

198. K. Dougherty , MD

199.R. Dougherty , MD

200. M Ranalla , ME

201. C. Ranalla , WA

202. Joseph Ran alla,Ca.

203.Cheryl Ranalla.Ca.

204. JeanieJohnson, CA

205. Paul Johnson, CA

206 Robert Caris, CA

207Cindy Seeley, VA

208 Jeanine Kody,VA& gt;

209 Ron Kody, VA

210 Sandra Wetmore, VA

211 William Moore , VA

212 Mary AliceMoore, VA

213 Harry M. Moore, VA

214 Virginia Williams, NC

215 Thurman Williams Cunningham NC

217 Wendy Cunningham NC

218 Debbie Parker

219 Clif Parker, High Point , NC <

220Donna Newton , Greensboro , N.C.

221 Jennifer McClintock, Asheboro ,NC

222 Diane Rodgers, Asheboro , NC

223 Mike Rodgers,Greensboro , NC

224 Deborah Jordon, Beachwood , NJ

225 JoAnne Piaggio, Be achwood , NJ

226 Patrick Piaggio, Jr., Beachwood, NJ

227. Carolyn Hannon, Beachwood , NJ

228. Michael H annon,Beachwood , NJ

229 MAR C CANTILLO, TOMS RIVER , N.J.

230.Pat Shaffer- Brick , N.J.

231. Mary Ann Beyer, NJ

232. PeggyWeissenborn, FL

233. Lynne Chernin, FL

234. Art Mason , Fl.

235. LARRY SIMS, FL.

236. CAROLYN L PENNINGTON, FL.

237. JeanStewart, Luna Pier, MI.

238. Donald Stewart, Lun a Pier, MI

239. John Stewart, Luna Pier, MI

240. Carol Weston, Georgetown , TX

241. Georgia Blaylock, Del Norte, CO

242. Arlene Campos,Sacramento , CA

243. Kellie Messenger, Elk Grove , CA

244.Charlotte Clarke , Elk Grove , CA

245. John Sharkey, El Dorado Hills, CA

246. Carole Sharkey, El Dorado > Hills, CA

247.David Sharkey, El Dorado Hills , CA

248. Mary Saber,?? CA

249.Scott Saber, Sacramento , CA

250. Frank Poropatt, Sacramento , CA

251. MaryPoropatt, Sacramento , CA

252. Judy Cernava. Las Vegas ,NV

253. JohnCernava, Las Vegas , NV

254. Mary Ell en Egbert - Canonsburg , PA

255. Genevieve Egbert - Canonsburg , PA

256.Dorothy Bunevich - Canonsburg , PA

257. George Bunevich - Canonsburg, PA

258. Andrea Raymer - Canonsburg , PA

259. Dennis Raymer,Can onsburg, PA

260. Rita Polansky - Canon sburg , PA

261.Howard Markowitz - Leesburg, Fl.

262. Ellen Bernstein, N.J.

263.Lisa Vinciquarra-Little Egg Harbor , N.J.

264.Anthony Vinciquarra-Little Egg Harbor, N.J.

265.Debbie Stutler-Toms River , NJ

266. Buck Stutler-Toms River ! NJ

267. Susan Pretia - Brick, NJ

268. Rich Pretia - Brick, NJ

269. Bob Schneider - Hereford , AZ

270. Don Cashour- Point Pleasant,NJ

271. Steve Cashour - Wall, NJ

272. Dan Pistelli -Brenham , TX

273. Della Smith - Brenham , TX

274. D. Mapes -Princeton , NJ

275.C.Mapes - Princeton , NJ

276. D. KleiberScotia , NY

277. Richard Fitzgerald-Holt, Michigan

278.Polly Fitzgerald-Holt , Michigan

279. Denise Hayball Jackson, MI

280. Beth Smith - Dothan AL

281. Patti Bond _ Dothan , AL

282 James Linville_ Dothan , AL

283 Sarah Linville - Dothan , AL

284. Patience Kimbril Lockhart , AL

285.Debbie Manning - >>Florala, Al

286. Frank Manning -Florala, Al

287. Arthur Truett, DeFuniak Springs , FL

288. Margie Truett, DeFuniak Springs , FL

289. Judy Williams, DeFuniak Springs , FL

290. Arraine Cruikshank, Lakeland , FL

291. Mary J. Colville, Seacrest Beach FL

292. Lilyan Lewis , PanamaCity,FL

293 Michael Roy, Lynn Haven, FL

294 Gerald R.Pistoresi

295 Robert Galvani, Ca.

296 Michael Galvani , W A

297. Patici a Montoux , TX

298 Janet L. Hilton, Carrollton , TX

299 James L.D.Hilton, Carrollton , TX

300 Nancy Hatcher, Carrollton, TX

301. Eileen Rearick, Frisco , TX

302. Elaine Boren, Dallas, TX

303. Jeanne Gangas, Dallas , Tx

304. Zelda Dies, Austin ,TX

305. Sarah Ritchie, Katy , TX

306. John Rowin, TX

307.Sarah Rowin, TX

308. Camilla Hall , Tx

309.. Richard Harris ,TX.

310 Celia Meyerhol z, Miami , FL

311. Laura Lincoln, OrangePark , Fl.

312. LINDA B. COOK, ORANGE PARK , FL

313.TracyHastings , St. Augustin e , FL

314. Mardi S. -- Ormond beach , Fl

315. James O. Harper, Holly Hill, Fl

316 Larry Harper Dresden ,Ohio

317 Shirley Harper Dresden , Ohio

318 Ann Miller, Marblehead , Ohio

319 Kathy Hedges, Middleport , Ohio

320C.M. Werry, Belpre , Ohio

321 Patty R. Lyon , Hun tington , WV

322 Guy K. Lyon, Huntington , WV

323 Connie Mraz, Dickinson , TX

324 Freddie J. Mraz, Dickinson , TX

325. Linda Wiggins, Texas City, TX

326. Susan Boyd, Salem , NH

327. Dennis Boyd, Salem ,NH

328. Carol Lee Mason, Underhill, VT

329. Holly Poulin,Underhill, VT

330. Harold Ray, Narragansett, RI

331. SamClementino, New Bedford , MA

332. Eugene Christiansen, Taunton , MA

333. Laurie Lena Ma

334. Pauli ne M. Mello, E. Taunton ,MA

335. David Mello, E. Taunton , MA

336. Mark Emery,Foxboro MA

337. Richard Robinso, Randolph Ma

338. KevinRobinson, Medway MA

339. Walter Scribner, Medway Ma

340.Brian Bowler, Cumberland RI

341. Janet Bowler Cumberland , RI

342. Joyce Arruda, W. Melbourne , FL

343. Fr ank Arruda, W.Melbourne , FL

344. Marian Conley Bradfford, Ma

345 ThomasHayden Bradf ord, Ma

346 Donna Stetson, Methuen , MA

347 BruceStetson, Methuen , MA

348 Shaun Stetson, Methuen , MA

349Patrick Stetson, Methuen , MA

350 Mary-Elizabeth Stetson,Fayetteville , NC

351 Lisa Harty, Hampton , NH

352. Judith MacLeod, East Kingston , NH

353 Gail Jolin, Chester , NH

354 Regina Rivard, Manchester , NH

355 Eugene Carignan, NewBoston , NH

356 Madelin Carignan, New Boston , NH

357 JoanLaValley, Manchest er , NH

358 Vanessa Re yes, Manchester , NH

359 KerryLynn Curran, Keene , NH

360 Laurie Hodgdon, Virginia Beach, VA

361 Kathy Hamlin , Virginia Beach, VA

362 Danny Norris,Chesapeake , VA

363 Brian Breland, Semmes, Al.

364 Mary JoBreland, Semmes Al

365 Patricia Wood, Semmes , AL

366 CharlesHawsey, San Antonio , TX

367. Rosie Horton, Theodore, Al

368.Betty Shields, Theodore, Al

369. Frank Shields, Theodore, Al

370. Patricia Cayton, Mobile , Al

371. Bob Brown, Mobile , AL

372. Mary Brown, Mobile , AL

373. Lewis A. Meyer, Mobile , AL

374. Martha A. Meyer, Mobile , AL

375. M. J. Sheffield, Theodore,Al.

376. G.L. Sheffield, Gr and Bay , A l.

377. R.K. Sheffield,Grand Bay , Al.

378. R.E. Sheffield, Evergreen, Al.

379. W. E.Turner, Vicksburg , Ms.

380. D. J. Camp, Mobile , Al.

381. H.F. Sheffield, Grand Bay , Al.

382. Bill Watts

383. Wanda Watts

384. Kimberl y Tanner, Mobile , AL

385. Catherine Wilkerson

386. Andra Bonelli , MS

387. Dante Bonelli ,MS

388. Lorene Tolliver , MS

389. Elaine Magee , MS

390.Eva Townes, Dallas , TX

391. Willie Townes, Dallas , TX

392. IdaFloyd , TX

393 Everett Floyd , TX

394. Clara Wiley, TX

395. Ann Bradford , TX

396. Ve lerie Blakely, Tx.

397. ReneeAnderson, Anna , TX

398. Roy Anderson, Anna , TX

399 PamThompson , CA

400. molly murray , TX

401. David A Murray, TX

402. Michael A. Mattingly, Tx.

403. Rodney W. Mattingly, TX

404 Maria A. Mattingly, TX

405. Mary Ellen Richards, TX

406.Janet Lynchard, Houston , TX

407. M. Moody, Spring , Tx

408. B.Haire Spring , Tx

409 J. McCleney, Magnolia, Tx

410. DebbieTramutolo, Tomball , Tx

411. K. Pangilinan, Allen - Tx

412. C.Branighan, Allen ? TX

413. Tina Green, Rowlett , TX

414. GaryRichardson , NM

415. irene richardson , NM

416. K.A.HERTELHAMLIN TX

417 G A Vellalos, Hi

418. Aurora Lo, HI

419,August Lo, Hi

420. Marcia Conn, Ut

421. Clayton Conn, Ut

422. Bradley Erickson HI

423. Priscilla Erickson HI

424.Cynthia Erickson , FL

425. Gayle Robinson? WA

426. JohnRobinson? WA

427. Kathy Napuunoa , VA

428. Johnny Woodson ,VA

429. Cindy Crosby , CO

430. Courtney Crosby , CO

431.Bobby Crosby , CO

432. Jody Guarino

433. Tom Guarino

435.Sean Guarino

436. Janine Bourgault , VA

437. Ann Boulay , MA

438. Debbie Bourque , MA

439. Stephanie Bourque , MA

440.Debra Kruper , MA

441? JoAnn&nb sp; Blanchard

442.? Yvette Lemire

443. Drena Nerney , FL

444. Benedetta Egeland sdal , NY

445.Rolf Egelandsdal , NY

446 Betty Kupfer

447 Felicia Barosa

448 Salvatore Barosa

449 Marie Dokes FL

450 George Dokes FL

451 Shirley Burke FL

452 Melva Bruce FL

453 Chuck BruceFL

454 Dana M Bruce IL

455 Anthony J Wolski IL

456 DorothyWolski IL

457. Sue Zilligen IL

458. Marilyn Zilligen

459.James Zilligen

460. Margy Gaubatz

461. Cyndi Velthoff , Ia

462. L. Als, IA

463. Barb Janssen , IA

464. Wayne Jacobs , IA

465. David Loverink , MN

466. Sharon Loverink , MN

467.Patricia Loverink , MN

468. John Loverink , MN

469 Lois SmedbergMN

470 Richard Smedberg MN

471 Sandy Johnson

472 Don Johnson

473 Norma Schaefer

474 Sharon Roscoe

475 Carol Lee, FL

476 Betty Isakson, FL

477 Charlene Volk, MD

478Claudia Maberson MI

479 John Maberson MI

480 Mark Chappuis

481 DAVID WOLLMAN IND.

482 Trudy Feasel

483 Garry Feasel

484 Scott Robinson - IN

485 Sarah Robinson - IN

486 KyleDurnell - IN

487 Chris Cardillo NJ

488 Joyce Jackson - CA

489 Terri Olson - WA

490 Larry Olson- WA

491 Don Noble - WA

492 Pat Noble-WA

493 Cathy Gaskin-OR

494 Lorie McNeil-OR

495 Matthew McNeil-OR

496 Shawndra McNeil-OR

497 BillHastings-WA

498 Louise Hastings-WA

499 Dennis Eskeli

500 Lana Eskeli Stuart

501 Leslie D. Stuart

502. M. DeniseRobison

503. F. E. Hall

504. CB Merrill

505. CherylFinkenbi nder

506. Harold Finkenbinder

507. John E. Scott

508 Phyllis L. Scott

509 Steve Banbury

510 Mike Sotebeer

511 Elsje Sotebeer

512. Jill Richardson MI

513 Jeff Marks MI

514 Christna Phillips

515 Verba DeMauro

516Barbara Moorman

517 Harry Moorman

518 Ken Cooper,Houston, TX

519 Jim Hund

520 Candy Hund

521 Donnie Kincaid, Austin, Tx.

522 Hoppy Malatek Fentress tx

523 Herb Eckols

524 Harvey Vogel TX

525 Connie Shinaver, Spring, Tx

526 Barb Fix, Ohio

527 JudithCain, Toledo, OH

528 Becky Helminiak, Toledo, OH

529 Karen Skeels

530 Marguerite Skeels Manitou Beach, MI

531 Karla JonesClayton

532 Garry Jones Clayton

533 Re becca Jones, Hudson,MI

534 Aaron Jones, Hudson, MI

535 Christie Frederick, Hudson,MI

536 Chad Frederick, Hudson, MI

537 Jacey Gruden, Flagstaff, AZ

538 Jonathan Gruden, Flagstaff, AZ

539 Robert Snyder,Kaneohe, Hi.

540 Iris Kabazawa, Kaneohe, HI

541 Roy Yamashita,Kaneohe, HI

542 Harold Mikaru, Waipahu, HI

543 Verna Mikaru,Waipahu, HI

544 . Arlene Katahira

545 . James Katahira

546 . Carrie Hoe

547. Brice Bovenizer

548. Donita Angles,VA

549. David Angles, VA

550. Ann Gilbert, VA

551. JimGilbert, A

552. Judith A. Sample, MI

553. A.J. Trudell, Mi

554. Cindy Marston, TX

555. Vicki Long, NE

556. Linda Mohatt, NE

557. Lori Wolcott, NE

558 James Fish, NE

559. DonnaRichards, NE

560. Ray Richards, NE

561 David Richards NE

562 Pat Richards NE

563. Janet M. Johansen,NE

564. Gerald R.Johansen, NE

565. Don Mickey, NE

566. Luanne Bond, NE

567.Dan Bond. NE

568.Jane Watts,NE

569. Becky Watts, NE

570.Nicole Benzel NE

571. Misty Stinson, Alliance, NE

572.Jackie Brown NE.

573. Doug Mercer NE.

574. SterlingStinson, Alliance, NE

575. Tina Woods, NE

576. reva hawley, ne

577. Joyce Bergamo, Ia

578. FredBergamo, Ia

579. Steve Mueller, IA

580. KurtBagelmann, Sacramento, CA

581. Lyn Bagelmann, Sacramento,CA

582. Todd McEvers, Mesa, AZ

583. Josh Allan,Phoenix, AZ

584. Elijah Allan, Gilbert, AZ

585. Markus Allan, Gilbert, AZ< BR>>

586. Jessica Allan, Gilbert, AZ

587. Debi Martin, Lee's Summit, MO

588. Lee Martin,Lee's Summit, MO

589. Chris Martin, Lee's Summit, MO

590 Teresa Jackson Belton Mo

591 KimHeitmuller, Kansas City, KS

592 Bill Todd, Kansas City, KS

593. Judy Heitmuller, Rotonda West, Fl.

594. R. Heitmuller,Rotonda West, Fl.

595. M.Simmons, Pensacola, FL

596. W. Simmons, Pensacola, Fl

597. B Lee, Pensacola, FL

598. D.Lee, Leesville, LA

599. M. Clark, Leesville, LA

600. L. Bass, Glenmora, LA

601. W. Clark, Leesville, la

602. C.Hoadley, Georgetown, La

603. D. Hoadley, Georgetown, La

604. Tina Gold, Winnfield, La

605. Bea Raneri, Pa.

606. Sandra Whitmore, Westminster, MD

607. Jackie Munchel, Westminster, MD

608. Linda Elliott, Pennsylvania

609. Patricia Jones, Virginia

610. Joanne W. Tallent, Marion, VA

611. Warren Tallent, Marion, Va.

612,Todd Wilson,Marion,Va

613 Joyce Hylton Marion,Va

614. Carolyn Holman , Marion, VA

615. Lawrence Holman , Marion, VA

616. Glenda Dempsey, Glade Spring, Va.

617. Joan Nelson, Abingdon, VA

618. Lisa Cardwell, Abingdon, VA

619. Judy Long, Abingdon, VA
620. Jim Cumbow. Abingdon, Va.
621 Regina Cumbow. Abingdon, Va.
622. Jena Addington. Castlewood Va.
623. mark addington Castlewood Va.
624. Patsy Bush
625. Fred Bush Jr.

If you don't forward the petition and just stop it, we will lose all these names. If you do not want to sign it, please just forward it to anyone who might want a voice. Thank you! Or copy and paste.

To add your name, click on "forward."You will be able to add your name at the bottom of the list and then forward it to your friends.

THE 1,000TH PERSON SEND IT ON TO THE FOLLOWING

E-MAIL ADDRESS:

President@WhiteHouse.gov

URGENT! LATEST VIRUS FOUND BY MCAFEE - out of date chain email

{Confirmed orginallu based on real fact but this version has mistakes and is very out of date by snopes

If you get an email along the lines of "Osama Bin Laden Captured" or "Osama Hanged" don't open the attachment.

This e-mail is being distributed through countries around the globe, but mainly in the US and Israel be considerate & send this warning to whomever you know.

PLEASE FORWARD THIS WARNING AMONG FRIENDS, FAMILY AND CONTACTS:

You should be alert during the next days: Do not open any message with an attached file called "Invitation" regardless of who sent it.

It is a virus that opens an Olympic Torch which "burns" the whole hard disc C of your computer.

This virus will be received from someone who has your e-mail address in his/her contact list, that is why you should send this e-mail to all your contacts.
It is better to receive this message 25 times than to receive the virus and open it.

If you receive a mail called "invitation", though sent by a friend, do not open it and shut down your computer immediately.

This is the worst virus announced by CNN, it has been classified byMicrosoft as the most destructive virus ever.

This virus was discovered by McAfee yesterday, and there is no repair yet for this kind of virus.

This virus simply destroys the Zero Sector of the Hard Disc, where the vital information is kept.

SEND THIS E-MAIL TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW

Work spam

Everyone has a phone and knows how to use it.

So why not call us at 1.8OO . 289 . 55O4 to find out how you can be the B0SS by simply returning calls each day.

Its alot of fun, I do it everyday and generate a decent living from it.

So don't delay any longer, pick up that telephone and listen to the short message.

1.8OO . 289 . 55O4

Call 24hrs a day, 7 days a week to find out how to get started.

Thanks

Maybe this is not something you would care to know about. Thats ok just reply back to let us know.

Have Great One.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Neologism Awards – Washington Post Invitational (2006)

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand):The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4.Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5.Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): it's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an a$$*ole.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Senior life chart

Bad News, Doctor's report came back today - joke

Bad News, Doctor's report came back today

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Coke is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need water.

I put the Coke on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day: the car isn't washed the bills aren't paid there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter the flowers don't have enough water, there is still only 1 check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys. Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail....

Do me a favor.
Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember who the hell I've sent it to.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!!

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Just a tap - can driver joke

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me.

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault.

Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years!

lemon joke

The local bar was so sure its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time, including the professional wrestlers and bodybuilders, but nobody could do it.

One day a scrawny little man came in, wearing a tie and a pair of pants hiked up past his belly button.

He said in a squeaky annoying voice, "I'd like to try the bet." Even the hillbilly chicks burst into laughter.

After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "Ok," grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. He then handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man, "What did you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, weight lifter, or what?" The man replied, "I work for the IRS."

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Rest Pro Company - scam email

Hello, would like to propose you a FINANCIAL AGENT vacancy.

My name is Chance Donaldson and I'm the Chief Manager of Department of employment in Rest Pro Company. I am pleased to offer you a vacant position of Financial Manager in CompanyName.

Let me tell you about our company.
We are engaged in selection and delivery of technical equipment and goodies in various offices and organizations. We take all troubles about choosing and delivering appropriate technical equipment to client’s office, under our responsibility. Company was established in 2002 and earned quite good reputation on the market. At the moment we have some plans for the further development, we plan to broaden our services and add an international network to serve clients in all over the world.

To offer to our foreign clients more favorable and comfortable conditions we have made the decision to create an international network of regional agents. We have opened a set of employees in various areas of the world. It has allowed our clients to get access to a wider assortment of the goods, than before. In fact, earlier, many suppliers refused to work with us for the reason of bureaucracy that occurred then registration of legal documents were needed to transport equipment, or transfer money.

The Duties of the financial manager consists of reception of money resources from clients of our company and transferring them to us. For every transaction, we pay 8 % from the total sum.

Work Requirements

minimal knowledge of personal computer and internet/E-mail Bank account Legal age Will to work at home 2-3 hrs per day Crime-free background (background check will be made before accepting on the position)

There is not any starting payments or pledges for the goods!

Please replay to this e-mail if you are interested in this opening, we will send you an employment agreement within nearest 24 hours, feel free to ask questions.


Chance Donaldson

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

More Anatrim spam

Anatrim - an extremely impressive flesh loss blend is made available now anywhere!!! (link removed)
Like a lot of people all over the planet, you could see the fascinating CNN news report about exciting new diet breakthrough "Anatrim Cactus", a marvellous up-to-date product that's taking the weight loss industry by storm!


* Assault Corpulence
* Stops feeling of hunger like second to none
* A hundred per cent Herbal & Innocuous
* Clean Unsophisticated product – vehicles free
* Made for harmless, prompt fat loss
* Ephedra/Caffeine free!
* Can easily be integrated into existing diet plan
* Watch how the kilos fade away and you renovate yourself!
* Helps in your striving for looking and feeling beautiful!

Note what our customers state on this stuff:

"Nothing of the kind! My wife and I been weakening diets just for many years. It was a disappointing trip I have to confirm. Your stuff rendered us a service tolose 34 kilos between us for 51 days. This happened 5 months ago and up to now the weight didn’t get back! Many and many thanx we said. Thank you!!!"

Nora and Adam P., Washington

Read more joyous testimonial letters at our site!!! (link removed)

Monday, May 14, 2007

Domain name spam

Hi Chris,

I am writing to inform you (name removed).NET is expiring and may be released to the public within the next few days.

There is a good chance that there will be several interested parties attempting to capture this domain when it is released, these will vary from parties with a genuine interest to domain name speculators otherwise known as cyber squatters who often put large price tags on such domains.

We are domain acquisition specialists and I felt that as the owner of (name removed).com you would have a much more genuine interest in acquiring (name removed).NET.

If you would like us to try and acquire this domain on your behalf then please let me know by 16th May 2007.

This is a genuine service and we do not charge any money upfront. If you receive emails from any other companies claiming to own the domain before 17th May 2007, please do not send them any money.

If you would like our help to acquire the domain for you as it expires then please reply by email or contact me on the numbers below.

Kind Regards

Stephanie van der Westhuizen
Tripod UK Ltd
(Spam link removed)
UK +44 (0) 870 808 0073
USA +1 310 601 8248

Sunday, May 13, 2007

German stock scam spam

Sehr geehrter Herr,

wir haben heute folgende Nachricht erfolgreich für Sie veröffentlicht:

boerse invest wachst sehr stark durch zukaufe BJ5N.F

Nachrichtenart: Corporate News
Datum: 10.05.2007
Eingabezeit: 10.05.2007 10:00:05
Veröffentlichungszeit: 10.05.2007 10:00:08

Verbreitungsnetzwerk: Basis (Siehe am Ende der Mitteilung)

Nachricht:


Börse Invest Beteiligungs AG / Miscellaneous (Stock: BJ5N.F)

10.05.2007

Release of a Corporate News announcement, transmitted by DGAP - a company of EquityStory AG.
The issuer / publisher is solely responsible for the content of this announcement.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

DÜSSELDORF – Goldfish Holdings Inc. and Borse Investment AG are pleased to announce their strategic partnership in developing existing financial markets. Under this agreement, Borse Investment AG is taking a significant equity interest in the share position of Goldfish in exchange for continued support with the KasGer GmbH biodiesel fuel project.


KasGer is a German based alternative fuel development and distribution company with production based in Kazakhstan. Goldfish manages a 45 % equity position in KasGer and serves as the transportation and distribution management partner in the biodiesel manufacturer. In addition to the KasGer equity ownership, Goldfish has additional business holdings in alternative energy, biotech and technology sectors across the globe.


Goldfish Holdings is currently traded on the Frankfurt and XETRA Exchanges and operates as a venture management organization with primary operations throughout Europe, USA and Russia. Tobias Janssen, CEO stated, 'This opportunity to work hand in hand with the Borse Invest continues to allow both companies the opportunity to leverage existing financial markets as well as opening new markets to the collective strenghts of both organizations'. Borse Investment AG is a Swiss based investment management company. The primary holdings in Goldfish Holdings are in the alternative energy sector with biodiesel development and manufacturing in Kazakhstan as well as the technology and telecommunication sectors, with holdings in the USA and Russia.

Symbol:BJ5N.F
DGAP 10.05.2007
---------------------------------------------------------------------------



Diese Mitteilung wurde folgenden Medien zugeleitet Elektronische Verbreitungssysteme:
Verbreitungsystem Einspeisung
Bloomberg: 10.05.2007 10:00:08

Friday, May 11, 2007

Mother's Day chapstick joke

So, we had this great 10 year old cat named Jack who just recently died. Jack was a great cat and the kids would carry him around and sit on him and nothing ever bothered him. He used to hang out and nap all day long on this mat in our bathroom.

Well we have 3 kids and at the time of this story they were 4 years old, 3 years old and 1 year old. The middle one is Eli. Eli really loves chapstick. LOVES it. He kept asking to use my chapstick and then losing it. So finally one day I showed him where in the bathroom I keep my chapstick and how he could use it whenever he wanted to but he needed to put it right back in the drawer when he was done.

Last year on Mother's Day, we were having the typical rush around and try to get ready for Church with everyone crying and carrying on. My two boys are fighting over the toy in the cereal box. I am trying to nurse my little one at the same time I am putting on my make-up. Everything is a mess and everyone has long forgotten that this is a wonderful day to honor me and the amazing job that is motherhood. We finally have the older one and the baby loaded in the car and I am looking for Eli. I have searched everywhere and I finally round the corner to go into the bathroom. And there was Eli. He was applying my chapstick very carefully to Jack's . . . rear end. Eli looked right into my eyes and said "chapped."

Now if you have a cat, you know that he is right--their little butts do look pretty chapped. And, frankly, Jack didn't seem to mind. And the only question to really ask at that point was whether it was the FIRST time Eli had done that to the cat's behind or the hundredth. And THAT is my favorite Mother's Day moment ever because it reminds us that no matter how hard we try to civilize these glorious little creatures, there will always be that day when you realize they've been using your chapstick on the cat's butt.

DollarsBOMB Cash Randomizer Program - spam get rich quick chain mail scam

Here's a New, Sure Way to Become US $77,000 Richer Within the Next 12 Weeks...

Dear Potential New Member,

You're invited to join the "DollarsBOMB Money Club" which gives you a real opportunity to turn US $75 into US $77,000 over the next 12 weeks. Here's how. ( Please read this carefully so you understand exactly how it works )

It's called the DollarsBOMB Cash Randomizer Program. It is very simple, very profitable and requires very little effort on your part.

All you do is this. You join the "DollarsBOMB Money Club" by enrolling the program here: ( ONLY ONE TIME ENROLL FEE OF $75 )

(link removed)

Upon receipt of all payments, their Admin will broadcast an email daily to a growing base of keen internet entrepreneurs like yourself, with your Website listed in the #1 position, until they receive 50 orders, and you receive $2,000.00 paid directly to your PayPal, Stormpay, Alertpay, moneybookers or e-gold accounts, or else they will continue to blast out Ads for you.

They will then email for those 50 new members with your email address listed in the #2 position until you receive 50 orders each for 2500 orders with your email address in the #2 position and you will receive $75,000.00 and total up to $77,000.00 paid to your PayPal, Stormpay, Alertpay, moneybookers or e-gold accounts or else they will continue to blast out Ads for you.

They will never touch your money...All payments go directly to your PayPal, Stormpay, Alertpay, moneybookers or e-gold accounts. No waiting to get paid, the money is credited to your account, INSTANTLY.

...Here are some of the DollarsBOMB Cash Randomizer Program's Success Stories:


"The first time I read about the DollarsBOMB Cash Randomizer Program, I thought it was one of those fake money-making schemes that are out to get my money. That was 8 months ago - now I'm convinced. Over the past two months, I've received a total of US$32,500 and the payments keep coming in" *Mr. Evan S., Lausanne, Switzerland

"I heard about your DollarsBOMB Cash Randomizer Program from a friend but ignored the site URL he gave me and then I forgot about it. Then one day my friend told me about the money he's receiving from this program. That's what pushed me into action - I enrolled into this program...Today, I've already made over US$62,800 and I can't wait to receive the rest of the money in the coming weeks" *Mr. Ricardo E.J., Guadalajara, Mexico

"Thanks to the DollarsBOMB Cash Randomizer Program, I live comfortably in a new weekend house bought with the US$72,000 plus I made 4 months ago. Is it OK if I enter the program again so I can take my family next summer on a holiday in one of the Carribean Islands?" *Theodore A.K., Indiana, U.S.A.

"I never seriously thought I'd earn the US$77,000 you talk about in your email. But I joined the DollarsBOMB Cash Randomizer Program just the same to see what would happen. This is to say thanks for sending the first payment of US$11,000 and I look forward to hearing further from you!" *Ms. Priyanka K.L., Bombay, India

Join Now and Become Up to US $77,000 (link removed)

Richer Within the Next 12 Weeks (link removed)

I know it's always hard to trust people you don't know. And it's even harder to hand over your money to people you haven't seen. But, believe me, this program works, and when you join, I guarantee you'll soon see your US$75 investment grow quickly into thousands of dollars.

Come and join us now!.....

(link removed)

Yours sincerely,

Judy

Top Sponsor

OPT-OUT HERE (link removed)

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Did you ever wonder . . facts joke

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?

Tax Truth - Uncomfirmed if real

At first I thought this was funny...then I realized the awful truth of it.

Be sure to read all the way to the end!

Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table at which he's fed.
Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes are the rule.
Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.
Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.
Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.
Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers, and if he cries, then
Tax his tears.
Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways to tax his ass
Tax all he has then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers,
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till he's good and sore.
Then tax his coffin ,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in which he's laid.

Put these words upon his tomb,
Taxes drove me to my doom..."

When he's gone, do not relax, Its time to apply the inheritance tax.

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax (42 cents per gallon)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Personal Property Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge Tax
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax
Sales Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago,
and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What the hell happened? Can you spell "politicians!"

And I still have to "press 1" for English.

I hope this goes around THE USA at least 100 times

Tax TruthRUTH

At first I thought this was funny...then I realized the awful truth of it.

Be sure to read all the way to the end!

Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table at which he's fed.
Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes are the rule.
Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.
Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.
Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.
Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers, and if he cries, then
Tax his tears.
Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways to tax his ass
Tax all he has then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers,
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till he's good and sore.
Then tax his coffin ,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in which he's laid.

Put these words upon his tomb,
Taxes drove me to my doom..."

When he's gone, do not relax, Its time to apply the inheritance tax.

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax (42 cents per gallon)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Personal Property Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge Tax
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax
Sales Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago,
and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What the hell happened? Can you spell "politicians!"

And I still have to "press 1" for English.

I hope this goes around THE USA at least 100 times

Kid's School project -false chain urban legend chain mail

(This email is the type that circulates the web clogging inboxes and servers. confirmed fasle by Snopes.)

Sorry, guys, it's quick and for a kid's school project! (And you are the ones I thought might follow through - either because you have kids, you like science, or you're just plain nice.) This is for a science fair project. If you could do this I would appreciate it! DON'T ASK, JUST PLAY! Copy and paste this entire letter into a new e-mail (PLEASE do NOT hit FORWARD), then read the list of names below.

If your name is on the list put a star* next to it. If not, then add your name (in alphabetical order), and do not put in a star. Send it to ten people and send it back to the person who sent it to you. Put your name in the subject box! You'll see what happens. It's kind of cool!

Please keep this going. Don't mess it up, please:
Amy, Andrea, Andy, Allie, Allison, Angie*, Ann, Anne*, Ashley, Astin, Austin, Barbara*, Bari, Betsey, Becky, Beth**, Bettina, Beverly**, Bill, Bob, Bonnie*, Brenda, Brian, Bruce, Carli, Carolyn, Cathie, Celine, Charlie, Cindy, Cordell, Carol*, Chris*, Colette, Croce, David**, Dan, Deb, Denyse Derrik, Diana, Don, Donna, Doreen, Elaine, Eleni, Elizabeth***, Ellen*, Faye, George, Holly, Jackie*, Jaime, Jane, Janice, Jean, Jeannie, Jenifer, Jessica*,Jill, Jim, Jody, John, Jonathan, Julie, Kathy**, Katie, Karen*, Karlyn, Ken, Kevin, Kirstin, Kitty*, Kristen, Laura, Leah, Leigh, Lelia, Leo, Linda*, Lori*, Lisa*, Louise, LuAnn, Marianne*, Marla, Matthew, Maureen*, Marilyn, Marva, Mary*, Michael**, Melissa****, Nancy**, Naomi, Pam **, Penny, Peter, Rachel, Renee*, Robin, Ryan, Sam, Sandy*, Sara, Sarah*, Scott, Sheila*, Sheri, Sid*, Stephanie**, Sue, Tammi, Tara, Teri, Tonya, Tracey, Valerie*, Wendy

Don't Take Me If I Don't Want To Go – Variation of old Wal-Mart Joke

After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."

5 August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other 7 shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the " Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.

13 December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

And last, but not least

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"

Regards,

Wal-Mart

The Patient - Joke

"Don't laugh!" said the patient, Randy.

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," Randy said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest ' whoo.ha' the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, and then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.

"I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. I don’t know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Randy replied...

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

reviewed your account - Phish scam for BOA customers

Your Online Banking is Blocked

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Customer,

We recently reviewed your account, and suspect that your Bank of America account may have been accessed by an unauthorized third party. Protecting the security of your account is our primary concern. Therefore, as a preventative measure, we have temporarily limited access to sensitive account features.

To restore your online account access, we need you to confirm your account, to do so we need you to follow the link below and proceed to confirm your information:

https://www.bankofamerica.com/cgi-bin/imcpprd. dll/Ctrl.jsp?BV_UseBVCookie=yes

Tank you for your patience as we work together to protect your account.

Sincerely,
Bank of America Customer Service

*Important*
Please update your records on or before 48 hours, a failure to update your records will result in a temporal hold on your funds.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bank of America, N.A. Member FDIC. Equal Housing Lender
© 2007 Bank of America Corporation. All rights reserved.