Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The Old Cowboy and the lesbian in Starbucks

Ya think you have lived to be 71 and know who you are, then along comes someone and blows it all to the dickens.

The old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a pretty young woman sat down next to him..

She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cattle, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping their coffee in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

The old man replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Important Detail - scam email by Aaron Middleton

Subject: Important Detail
Sent by: Aaron Middleton
Sent Via Email adress: borzenko@selena.net.ua


I am Mr. Aaron Middleton, an Accountant with Lloyds Trust Bank Plc, I am the personal Account Manager to Mr. Hampt Clear.

On the 21st of April 2005, Mr. Hampt Clear (Herein after shall be referred to as my client), his wife and their three children were involved in a car accident in London.
Unfortunately they all lost their lives in the event of the accident, since then I have made several enquiries to locate any of my client's extended relatives, this has also proved unsuccessful. After these several Unsuccessful attempts, decided to trace his relatives over the Internet, to locate any member of His family but of no avail, hence I contacted you to stand as his next of kin.

I contacted you to assist in repatriating the money in addition, property left behind by my client before they get Confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank where this huge deposits were lodged. Particularly, Lloyds Trust Bank Plc, where the deceased had an account valued at about 10 million Great British Pounds. Consequently, the bank issued me a notice to provide the Next of Kin or have the account confiscated within the next twenty official working days.

Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 2 years now I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased based on the fact that you are a foreigner so that the proceeds of this account valued at about 10 million Great British Pounds can be paid to you and then you and I can share the money. 50% to me and 40% to you, while 10% should be for expenses or tax as your government may require. An attorney will be contracted to help revalidated and notarize all the necessary legal documents that can be used to back up any claim we make. All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us sees this deal through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.

To Enable us discuss further I would like you to send me the following so I can open up a next of kin file on your behalf here in the bank.

1. Name in full:
2. Address:
3. Nationality:
4. Age/Sex:
5. Occupation:
6. Direct Phone number:

Best regards,
Aaron Middleton

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

My Grandma is 88 years old and still drives her own car.

My Grandma is 88 years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker.

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!' 'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!' What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back. My grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.
So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma