Best Michael Jackson Jokes
Q. How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A. From a catalogue.
Q: What do Michael Jackson and the Mets have in common?
A: They both wear one glove for no apparent reason
Q. What's the difference between Mr. Potato Head and Michael Jackson?
A. Michael Jackson has had more noses.
Q. What does Michael Jackson reminisce about?
A. Blowing his first nose.
Q. Who is the greatest person ever?
A. Michael Jackson - he was born a poor black boy in Gary, Indiana and grew up to become a rich white woman in Europe.
Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Richard Pryor?
A. One got burnt doing Pepsi; the other got burnt doing coke.
Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley?
A. About two dress sizes.
Q. What were Lisa-Marie's newlywed complaints about Michael Jackson?
A1. He leaves the lid off the mascara, causing it to dry out.
A2. That battle axe Liz Taylor never calls before she comes over.
A3. She suspects he's using her to get to Elvis' bones.
Q. Why did Michael Jackson cross the road?
A. He saw someone blowing bubbles and thought he'd join in.
A little boy goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God a male or a female?"
After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well, God is both a male and a female."
This confuses the little boy, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"
"Well, God is both black and white."
At this, the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks, "Is Michael Jackson God?"
It was reported the other day that Michael Jackson wants to be one of the first civilians to travel into space. A spokesperson for NASA said, "We're fine with the idea but the only problem is Jackson insists on coming back".
Q: What were Michael Jackson's baby's first words?
A: Which one's mommy?
Q: What did Michael Jackson say to his credit card?
A: You are not alone, I am plastic too.
I heard that shortly before having Michael Jackson's baby, the woman who was impregnated by him was asked some questions by some reporters:
Reporter: Have you been able to determine its sex?
Woman: No. I want to wait until after it's born. As long as it's healthy.
Reporter: Ma'am, I was referring to Michael.
Q: How is Michael dealing with his problems?
A: He's holding his own.
Q: How are Michael's friends dealing with the problem?
A: They're all standing behind him.
Q: Why is Michael Jackson's album new entitled "Bad"?
A: Because he couldn't spell "Pathetic".
Q: What did Michael Jackson do when his hair caught on fire?
A: He "Beat-it!"
Rumor has it that Michael Jackson's baby was conceived through artificial insemination. Pee Wee Herman was best man at the wedding. Coincidence? I think not.
Lisa Marie's Divorce Allegations Against Michael Jackson:
- Wouldn't drink beer, watch football and break wind with her during Thanksgiving with Mom at Graceland.
- Refused her pleas for separate make-up mirrors.
- Unwilling to try new things in bed...like her for instance.
- Elephant Man bones...fine. Oxygen chamber for eternal youth...well okay. But what's with the Groucho head on Jayne Mansfield's body thing?
- In all their months of marriage not once did he charter a jet to get her peanut butter sandwiches or fly a mime troupe in from France like Poppa did for Momma.
- Had her favorite noses (June 1994 and September 1995) done over.
- She was shocked to discover that the glittery uniforms were not actually part of any real military organization.
- He started hanging out with Madonna's dancers to toughen up his image.
- Everywhere you turn, Elizabeth Taylor's supporting you through some sordid allegation.
- Stood in the way of her film career when he refused to bankroll her debut performance in 'Jail bait Rock', the story of her Mom and Dad's courtship.
- The all-night Kool Aid and Twister marathons with his little friends left him too tired to do that 'hee-hee-hee' thing she fell in love with.
- She felt pressured to buy hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of LaToya's Amway products for the sake of family peace.
- Jermaine and Tito were constantly asking her why Elvis didn't have kids THEY could marry.
- Swears she thought she was marrying Michael Keaton.
- She grew tired of scouring every Chucky Cheese's within a 50 mile radius only to find him slumped over a table in yet another chocolate milk and Pez stupor.
- He told her to "just beat it" one too many times.
- He's a plain spoken "Hoosier", and she had clearly gone "Hollywood".
- She wanted someone more like her father, and though he was already a pathetic parody of his former self, he was just unwilling to gain weight.
- He kept forgetting to put the top back on the mascara.
- Irreconcilable similarities.